Monday, June 30, 2008


We are having a neighbor girl babysit for just one of the kidlets for two hours every Tuesday in July. How much do I pay her? And what if she watches both? A friend said she'd pay $2 for one, and $4 for both. I'm thinking that's a little low, I don't know.

Any suggestions?

Sex Really Does Sell

Have you seen the Toyota Sienna commercial where the couple sexily (is that a word?) walk around the minivan? I laugh out loud each time I see it. I just know that sex is on the mind when couple are looking at minivans. Yeah. Right. For real. They are probably thinking their days of sex are completely over. I just find the "sexy van commercial" hilarious and needed to share it with you if you haven't witnessed it already.

I can't figure out if the van is supposed to represent a phallic symbol or what. I can just read this commercial as it's written out... She caresses the front of the van with a longing deep in her nether region. The keys slip out of the pocket like a giant member springing from unzipped jeans. The climactic release when the van doors open.

Watch and see what I mean. Of course, I could just have a dirty mind and be craving sex so that the commercial means more to me than some of you.

Friday, June 27, 2008

Green Thumb

Ariana wanted to grow something this summer, so we planted some tomatoes. Here's the kicker, we don't really eat tomatoes. Jason eats them on burgers and in dishes. He's thinking he'll make some salsa with them I don't know. I just hope they grow.

That's Nice

So, the first week of the "Summer of Me" and I gain a pound. Of course, it could be the large container of popcorn from the movies we demolished last evening. And lovely AF is here. Next week will be better.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

That's Just Thong

Woman Sues Vicky's Secret

This story caught my eye and I just had to share. Can you imagine trying on thong underwear and then having a piece of it fly off and hit you? I'm sure this will settle out of court, but seriously. Talk about one in a million.

I do have to say that I have never tried thong underwear on in the store. That's just thong, um I mean wrong, to me. The few I have were purchased and then washed, then tried on. I don't need anyone else's crotch cooties, and no one else needs mine.

Here's another great thong story. I went garage sailing the other week and visited a sale one block away from my home. The college age daughter was selling bras & panties. And guess what, they were thong panties. First of all, who sells thong underwear at a garage sale? And who the hell BUYS thongs at a garage sale. Come on, you know where they've been. Ewww.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008


Phoenix just poo'ed on the potty for the 2nd time this week! Since you've seen the poop master photos on here, you know this is a huge cause for delight for me.

Kit Kat

Here's another good Ariana-ism.

She picked up a Kit Kat as a treat from the store. (That bird visit trip) As we are driving home she says, "Hey mom, do you remember that house, where the old people live. They gave me one of these chocolates."
She's talking about my in laws. They gave her a Kit Kat for Halloween last year.


We have a nest in a tree in our backyard. Of course, when momma robin chose the bush next to our patio, she wasn't thinking of the disruptions she'd be incurring in the weeks to come. Ariana is obsessed with the nest and you can hear momma chirping angrily from a nearby fence. I can just imagine what she's thinking, "get away from there you filthy mongrel who yells and dances too much."

The eggs hatched this last week, and now we've got four babies and one pissed off momma bird. I can only hope that all the worms that are fed to those babies are huge and they grow like weeds. The sooner they take flight, the sooner I can stop bitching at my child to "get away from the nest!"

On a visit to the grocery store last week, we had a conversation about the nest and the eggs inside. It went like this....

Ariana: "Mom, if I was a mommy bird, I'd never leave my nest. Even if I was scared."

Me: "Oh really. Even if some giant came yelling and jumping towards you?"

Ariana: "No, I would protect my babies. I would cheep real loud to scare the boy away."

I'm not sure how a "boy" became the giant. I was hoping she'd pick up that I meant her, but that obviously flew over her head.

Me: "So, even if a really big person came and made a loud noise, you'd stay with your baby eggs?"

Ariana: "YES, I said." Of course, this is in that exasperated voice only a daughter can have when mom has asked one too many questions.

Me: "Okay."

Ariana: "You know why I wouldn't leave them? Cuz they'd get dead! And I'd miss my baby eggs."

Me: "What would happen to make them dead?"

Ariana: "The big person might take the eggs out and throw the eggs and then they'd crack open!" Her eyes are huge.

Me: "Oh no!"

Ariana: "And then I'd be really, really, reaaallllyy sad."

Me: "I'd be sad too."

Ariana: "Yep, and then I'd have to have more babies."

Me: "Where do you get more babies from?"

Ariana: "From the store and they get in their tummies!" Said in that "duh, mom" voice.

I try so hard not to laugh, but a chuckle escapes. She doesn't think I'm funny and get's a little miffed. I apologize and ask more about the birds, and she decides to sing me a song in bird.

"Cheep, cheeeeeep, cchhhhheeepppppp....." It was very moving.

We arrive at the grocery store, and she proceeds to sing bird and flap her wings throughout the entire store. Thankfully, it was a short shopping trip. I did get a little nervous when her wings came dangerously close to the liquor section.

Tony Baroney

Way, way, way back when I was in high school, I was a cheerleader. Yes, I said a cheerleader. (For those that are laughing out loud at this moment, you can take five more seconds and then knock it off) Early on in my high school cheer career, my friend Dawn and I were on the wrestling squad. And some of our wrestlers were going to state, so we got to go with. It was quite a nice highlight of that particular year in school.

Well, being the young ladies we were, we found ourselves some hot (well, we thought they were hot at the time) wrestlers that we flirted with and talked with quite bit. Tony was my guy. I cannot for the life of me, remember the other guys names. (Help me out Dawn.) In our teenage glory, we found them very cute and of course giggled and whispered about them. We gave the guys pet names, hence Tony Baroney.

Those couple of days at state were quite illuminating as well. Our squad captain (I'll call her Gigi) was two years older than us and more um, shall we say, seasoned in the guy department. She had this long dark hair, almost down to her ass, and she'd whip it around like a tornado. She was a small thing, pretty, and thought she was pretty cool. Gigi used a banana to illustrate how to perform some acts, which was just darn hilarious and still makes me laugh today. One of our members had never used tampons before, so she was informed on how to use those. We hung out in the pool, ate lots of junk food, and talks boys.

The "boys" we liked gave us a call one night and invited us over to their room. Gigi wasn't having it. She said she was worried about us getting raped and we were kinda pissed off at her. There she was telling us about the shit she did/does and she doesn't want us to go make out with boys. To this day, I think it was more about being jealous than being worried about us.

This is one of those high school memories for me that I will remember forever, and laugh about forever. To this day, if somethings wrong all Dawn needs to say to me is "Tony Baroney" and it brings an instant smile to my face.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Love this one

"You cannot help but learn more as you take the world into your hands. Take it up reverently, for it is an old piece of clay, with millions of thumbprints on it."
~ John Updike

The Summer of Me

I'm joining some fellow bloggers as we take on becoming healthier peeps. Christie is heading up the "Summer of Me" and this is my first venture into the torture, ahem, I mean, keeping track of my weight loss and whatnot with other bloggers. I've started (slowly) working towards my goal of a 5K in Sept last week, so I figure it's good to have extra encouragement. We check in on Fridays for the Fat Ticker Fridays, and it's running until July 25th. I can do this.

I don't really have a specific weight loss goal, although I suppose I should decide on one. I want to be a healthier me, period. And of course, I'd love any weight loss that comes with that. I admit to being afraid of setting a too-big goal and then feeling like shit at the end. Which then results in me eating loads of shitty food and 5 sodas a day because I feel like the fattest cow in the world. I've been keeping a workout diary of sorts on a new blog, so I'll probably add into that with this. But I'll keep the more "inner secret feelings" posts here.

Summer of Me

Where does the time go?

June is coming into it's end and I'm wondering when it began.

Friday, June 20, 2008

New Do

I've scheduled myself for an eyebrow wax and a haircut this evening. AHHHHHHH! I haven't had my hair cut in, well, forever. And I'm a bit scared, but I need to do something different. The lady I'm having it done by is more adventurous, and that's the part that makes me nervous. I love being able to put it into a ponytail and going, but it's also the same style I do everyday. I'm not a "hair" person, so having a high maintenance do isn't good for me either. I've always said that if I had enough money to buy 20-30 wigs, I'd shave my head and go wiggy. Cross your fingers for me.

Update: I had to reschedule my appt to Monday as her son needed to go to the walk-in. Still not sure how much of a change I'll go for yet.

I'm Late, I'm Late

No, not that way. Why is it that when one is running late there is road construction, every traffic light is red, and everyone in front of you drives 2-3 miles below the speed limit?

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

I Think Not

Apparently People Magazine just released their "Hottest Bachelor's" listing and Mario Lopez is tops on the front cover. Ewwww. He kinda grosses me out. I didn't care for him back on Saved By The Bell even. Half the other guys listed are names I didn't recognize. I'm not on the up & up with some of the newer stars, teen stars, celebrity siblings (there are a couple). Not that I buy that mag anyway, but I will admit to buying it in the past with certain bachelor's listed (Matt Damon, anyone?). I definitely won't be buying this issue.

Have me one of those

I could so go for a tall Crown & Coke at the moment.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Long Day Ahead

It's 7:47am and the young terror that inhabits my two year old is on his second time out. He throws quite the tantrum when he's pissed.

Dear Child Gods

Please make my youngest halfing stop hitting, taking his poopy diaper off, throwing his food when he's done eating, and also make him sleep through the night. I appreciate his laughter and zest for life, but the poop and hitting is making me long for childless days.

Thank you.

A tired, frustrated mommy

Monday, June 16, 2008

On a Roll

Since I seem to be a complainer this morning, I'll add this too.

What the hell is wrong with people who cannot make up their minds? They don't even talk out options to make a decision. They sit there and go, "Uh, I don't know." And then once a decision is made, they bitch about the choice. Oh my word, I want to pull my hair out when I'm in those moments. Either give a damn or let someone else do it.

First Love

I think my son has had his first love, already at the young age of two. He is in love with Miss Mary Poppins.

He seriously could watch the movie multiple times a day. He kisses the screen when she's on. It's quite funny. I made sure to book a character meal when we are at Disney that has Mary Poppins in it. He will go ballistic, I'm sure.

I've Got a Friend

I've got a friend. A friendship that seems to be more one-sided than reciprocate both ways. I've known this person, let's call her Elva, for almost two years now and a friendship has grown in those two years. However, I've learned that this is a friendship like no other I have. She's not a person I'd call in crisis, and to be honest, hanging out with her is beginning to feel like a chore.

Everything is always about her. Everything. She may ask how I'd doing, but she doesn't really listen for an answer. I rarely talk about myself with her as most often my views or comments are dismissed. Elva has major issues with her mother and I've hung on the phone as she wailed and vented about that wretched woman. And yes, the mother is wretched to be fair. I've offered support as she weathered a family crisis. She calls me one of her best friends. And that always gives me a pause when she says it. She complains endlessly and I'm tired of it.

When I was going through my own personal crisis last summer, she knew the basics of what was occurring. I got hugs and sympathy, but no other show of support. I felt I was kind of handled as "hands off" during that time. The phone calls slowed from her. Maybe she was giving me space, I don't know. She has no clue about most of the things I have going on in my life. She doesn't ask. At all. Ever. But we are the "best of friends."

We do some things together as a group with another person or two. We are learning a new craft and as we make mistakes or have ideas, mine are not really listened to. Or I get shafted on quite a bit. She says it's because my personality is more amenable and she knows I won't get pissy if she shuts my idea down. So, the other person or two always seem to have their way. She has said it's easier for me to change than them for what we are doing. Now, how fucking fair is that? I have to adapt to fit the others who don't "get it." It sucks.

She was over to my home recently for the first time. As she sat on my couch and looked around my living room (with this odd look on her face), she remarked with this incredulous tone of voice, "Wow, you certainly have an eclectic decorating style in your home." Our living room consists of a deer head, three Packer prints and my lighthouse print. And tons of toys. We don't really have a theme. But it works for us at the moment. It's hodge podge, but we have kids and don't have a den for him to put the deer head and Packer art. It's lived in, not a showpiece. I let the comment roll, but was put out a bit by it. And then the kid talk started.....

See, she doesn't have kids. And let's be honest, there's a difference in lifestyle for most people if they have kids vs no kids. She thinks kids are cute as long as she doesn't have to touch them, or take care of them. I have childless friends and think nothing of it, and they don't really make an issue out of me having kids. Elva is a different story though. When we are on the phone and she hears my kids in the background, she nearly almost remarks "I don't know how you do it." Or, "Geez, you're kids are sure loud." Or so many countless others. It's starting to annoy the crap out of me, but I haven't said anything. Yet.

Her husband wants kids, in a major way. She's put him off for the last two years, saying she needs more time. She's held a couple babies in the last few months that have made her heart melt a little (her words). But she says her mind is stronger and her mind says no babies. I get that. And I'd be okay with it. If she didn't comment about how awful kids are, how much work, etc. Um, you don't have any, so shut the fuck up. Until you are up in the middle of the night, changing countless diapers, etc...keep your trap shut. You don't know what you are talking about.

It would be different if she'd talk about it to another childless friend. But no, I get to hear it since we are the "best" of friends. She called me the other month around 9pm on a Saturday evening to talk her out of children. Um, I have kids, why are you calling me? I've told her she needs to talk with her hubby about this more and really decide what she wants to do. And then this last week, she calls to tell me that she held a baby that day and it's making her heart melt again. Then she admits she's too selfish to have children. She wants her time to do whatever she wants, she doesn't want her body to go to shit (her words), she likes to sleep without interruption, and on and on and on. I don't know what to say in response. Honestly, I feel insulted.

I'd like to tell her that she needs to take her anti-kid attitude elsewhere since it's mildly offensive to me. But then I worry about hurting her feelings. I really hate that. So, I'm sure I'll continue to suffer through for a while until something is said that really irks me and I blow. I don't know how to tell her that we are not the "best" of friends.

There, I'm done whining and bitching.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

I've Been Tagged

I've been tagged by Jen .

The rules of the game get posted at the beginning. Each player answers the questions about themselves. At the end of the post, the player then tag people and posts their names, then go to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they’ve been tagged and asking them to read your blog.

Aunt Becky put her own personal spin on it, which I'll also do.

1. What was I doing ten years ago? Preparing for my wedding was foremost at this time 10 years ago. Nursing Jason's broken collarbone too.

What wasn't I doing 10 years ago? Being a parent, worrying about so much of life, didn't have a clue what I wanted to do yet with life.

2. Five things on my to do list for today: Haircut for Ariana; shopping with my sister-in-law, Amber, for some craft stuff for her wedding reception; getting on the treadmill or out for a workout; hitting the grocery store for some hamburger buns; and I do have some work to do today.

Five things on my shit list for today: Working out, visiting the grocery store, cleaning the house somewhat, laundry, and ????

3. Snacks I enjoy right now: Popcorn with Little Caesar's Garlic Butter as topping; ice cream from the local joint (about 3 blocks from our home); Cheez Its

Snacks (and foods) I Hate: Gummy worms/bears/etc, trail mix, lunch meat, tomato sauce with chunky tomatoes, venison

4. Things I would do if I were a billionaire:
Gigantic donation to the Preeclampsia Foundation; buy into the Disney Vacation Club for myself and some family members; another huge donation to our local women's shelter to help with services and bump up wages; throw one big ass party where I invite every single person I know; visit a grocery store and pay for everyone's groceries who happen to be checking out at a certain time, maybe the same with a gas station too; buy myself a Chrysler 300 with all the bells & whistles; hmmm...what else can I think of?

Things I wouldn't do if I had a billion dollars: There probably isn't much I wouldn't try to do. I wouldn't spend it all in one year. :)

5. Places I have lived:Born and bred in Wisconsin. We were planning a move to Florida about 8 years ago, but things fell through.

6. People I want to know more about: I'll come back with that soon.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Monday, June 9, 2008

Hugs & Kisses

My darling daughter gifted me with a shower of kisses & hugs this evening. It came at just the right moment. She must have known her mom could have used a good ole' bear hug.

He strikes again

So, the Poop Machine struck again last week. Seriously kid, if I wanted to clean up shit every day, I'd be a CNA at a nursing home. If he wasn't so darn cute and tell me he "poooooooooped", I might be a bit angrier. And yes, that is DRIED poop in his HAIR! That was just glorious to clean up.


Well, after a soggy and delayed start, we finally performed Saturday evening. We were scheduled to go on at 5:30 and 6:45, but didn't get shimmying until about 7:15pm. My kids were wonderfully behaved, thankfully, without any major outburts. I'm working on the video, but here's a couple photos.

And here's the video

Friday, June 6, 2008

Bellydance Performance

I've been taking bellydance classes for a while now and was asked to be part of my instructor's group. We have our first performance tomorrow evening at the Relay for Life here in town. I'm excited, nervous, scared, proud. Hopefully I'll have some photos to share, maybe even some video.

Wish me luck.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Boot Scootin' Boogie

I called to schedule my annual exam today. Just 56 days until I get to show my hoochie coochie off to another man. I was laughing with some friends last week about the "scoot" the nurse/doc always asks us ladies to do. You know the one. You think your ass is about as close to the edge of the table as possible and you lie back only to have them say, "Can you scoot up a bit more." Um, would you like my vagina in your lap?

I had a nurse once who always told you what she was doing before or as she was doing it. I think it's probably helpful for some, but for me it just made me want to bust out laughing. "Touching, touching, here comes a little coldness" she'd say. Yeah, I figured that one out as you spread 'em wide and stick that metal thing in my hidey-hole. For weeks afterwards, I couldn't be intimate without thinking "touching, touching." That makes things real fun, let me tell ya. The husband isn't so thrilled the second & third time he hears me laughing as he's attempting to get fresh.

I remember when I first got my period (I was 11) and for that first year or so, I'd count to myself, "this is the 14th time I've had my period." It was such a big deal. It quickly became a pain in the ass, or rather a pain in the whoo-ha. I've been through the "oh god, I hope I get my period" times and the "fuck, aunt flo showed up" times. Now that I'm done having babies, I really wish this shit would be here for like 2-3 days and then be done with. But no, I've got this screwed up period that comes earlier and earlier each month and lasts FOR-EV-ER. And try explaining to your 5yo why there is red on the tp and she thinks you are having bloody poopies, something she's terrified of. I hope she is a late bloomer in the period department. The boobies too.

Speaking of the ta-ta's. What does your nurse/doc talk to you about while they are giving you your breast exam. Nothing like chatting up the weather as a strangers hands press on your breasts and squeeze your nipples. I've been known to show off my girls a time or two. I'm not shy. But the breast exam creeps me out. I get more bothered by that than the showing of the hooterville down below.

Of course, after one has children you can bare all to anyone at anytime. After the prodding, the poking, the fingers-no the whole hand up there to check the cervix, my va-jay-jay is like an inanimate object. It's mine, but it's not really attached to my body anymore. Does that feeling go away after you have kids? The vessel that brought forth my babies feels different, acts different...well hell, it's just different now.

So, how many different ways did I describe my little love muffin? I don't really have names for my parts, but I bet it would be fun to come up with something.

2008 Pre-e Walk

The walk was a HUGE success! Thank you soooo much to everyone who donated. This year's walk was ginormous compared to last year. In 2007, we raised $3000 and had a handful of walkers. This year, we had over 70 walkers and raised $9200. We are so close to 10K. We'd love to hit that, but it doesn't look like that will happen. Our goal was $6ooo this year and we definitely beat that.

The weather was absolutely beautiful. The couple who lost their son in Feb shared their experience. There were many tears at that point. We held a balloon release for those who we've lost due to preeclampsia. The raffle went well, especially the Disney basket I sponsored along with my girlfriend's Tastefully Simple basket. Many of our Madison members see the same doctor, who came out to walk with us and asked to speak himself afterwards. We're ecstatic with how well things went.


Photobucket My bestest friend in the world who came to walk with us.



Photobucket My mother in law and Phoenix

Photobucket Yours truly

Photobucket Raffle items


Photobucket Preemie dolls. The smaller one is about a 1lb'er and the second one is a 4lb'er.

Photobucket My sister in law

My PE sista's