Monday, February 26, 2007

F*ing Snow!

Jason suggested today that we possibly move our Disney vacation next year up to Feb. Sure, why not I'm just as sick of this weather.

We were lucky in that we only received about 9-10 inches over the weekend, with another 1-2 coming today. Further south an hour or two and they had up to 23 or so inches. Yikes! And they are forecasting for another snow storm come Thurs & Fri.

We took some photos but I need to get them loaded onto the computer. I'll share once I get them up.

Reverse Hope

Hope one year ago. Every month would be filled with hope. Hope that our dreams would come true and we would be lucky enough to have another child. Month after month of hoping only to be dashed when my friend would appear. Disappointment would reign for a week or so and within weeks the hope would blossom again. After one year of hoping and disappointment, our wishes were granted and hope reigned that month.

Hope now. As I felt feelings of relief this week I came up with the idea of reverse hope. Now we hope for that lovely visitor each month, even if there is no possibility of being pregnant that month ;).

What a difference a year makes. What a difference in hopes each month.

Monday, February 19, 2007

Why can't you just get over it?

I was once asked this question in response to my talking about preeclampsia.

"Why can't you just get over it? "

To be honest, I was shocked at the question and really taken aback. Why should my passion for preeclampsia awareness be any different from someone who supports their favorite charity that hits close to their home? Just because I'm not pregnant anymore? After I thought about it, I was very upset and disappointed that I was asked this question.

Getting over preeclampsia would be a lovely idea. Really, it would. But this condition has affected our lives in a major way. Ariana was born 5 weeks early and spent two weeks in the hospital. Leaving the hospital without your baby is a horrible feeling and one I hope I never feel again. Phoenix's pregnancy was affected as well, but thankfully we made it to term with him. Both my babies were smaller at birth, and that may be caused by placental issues to do the hypertension. My daughter faces a risk of developing preeclampsia when and if she chooses to have children of her own. I now face other health concerns from having had preeclampsia. Due to my own health, and the future health of Ariana, I will not get over it.

The thing is is that we were amazingly lucky. We have two children who were able to come home. Countless other parents do not have their children here with them, they are angels now. There are too many babies lost to just simply get over it. Moms are lost too. Shelly and Anne were moms who loved their babies and unfortunately left them too soon due to preeclampsia. Because of the lost babies & moms, I will not get over it.

Preeclampsia is a condition that affects up to 8% of all pregnancies. That may not seem like alot, but I bet if you ask around you will most likely know someone who was affected with something in the spectrum of preeclampsia. PE is the leading known cause of prematurity. It is unknown what causes PE, and the only cure is delivery.

The organization that I am involved with is doing something to raise awareness, fund research, and better educate health care personnel. Preeclampsia is starting to be in the news more, and exciting research is being done on development of a test for PE. Fighting preeclampsia is a priority in my life, and I will do whatever I can to increase awareness and assist in this battle.

So, no. I cannot just get over it. Not until preeclampsia doesn't exist anymore. When there is a time that my daughter doesn't have to have a chance to experience this condition. I refuse to get over it.

Friday, February 16, 2007

Happy Birthday to me!

It's my birthday today!! Yikes, another year has come and gone. Where DOES the time go?

Thursday, February 15, 2007

My Lil Artist

Okay, so she loves to draw with markers. This time her canvas was her face. What a goofball!
This morning she actually drew a smiley face on the back of her baby brother's head!! I was dying to laugh, but knew I had to disclipine her somewhat. Everyone else got to laugh right away when I told them about it. She was like, "It's okay mom. He's happy, see?!"
Crazy girl.


Next week we're having a heat wave!!! The forecast is calling for highs in the mid 30s all week!!! It's short and t-shirt time!

Grey Hair

What is it about age 30 that brought about the grey hairs?? I know we have two kids now and life can be a bit harried at times, but come on! I have had grey hairs pop up once in a while for about a couple years now, and I'm not completely against them. But seriously, all of a sudden this last month or so they are everywhere! I look in the mirror and can spot one no problem.

Well, at least I've earned them. ;-) They are not impeding the color of my hair...yet. No dyeing for me.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Countdown to Magic!

Our next Walt Disney World vacation is planned! The kids will have their first taste of WDW next fall! I'm stoked that I get to plan another vacation! Coins & dollars are being saved for this trip, and Ariana is excited to have her own Disney bank to put her "spending" money into.

Let the planning commence! And plan I will, thanks to my trusty Passporter! ( I highly recommend a Passporter guidebook for any Disney trip!

A dream of mine

I LOVE Wheel of Fortune. I have to admit that I'm pretty good at guessing puzzles too. Someday I would love to be on the gameshow and see if the wheel is lucky for me. A frustration of mine is when the puzzle is obvious and the contestant still buys a vowel. Hello? You just lost money! And I love it when the puzzle is almost complete and none of the people know what it is. You can always tell Pat thinks that is funny. The other night I think he was a bit exasperated that none of the contestants could figure out the puzzle. It was hilarious.

Anywho, so I dream of spinning the big wheel and winning the big prize puzzle.

Monday, February 12, 2007

The Invitation

I came across this poem over a year ago and recently found it again. I absolutely adore it and thought I'd share......

The Invitation
It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache forand if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing. It doesn’t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love for your dreamf or the adventure of being alive.It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon...I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain. I want to know if you can sit with pain mine or your own without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it. I want to know if you can be with joy mine or your own if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful to be realistic to remember the limitations of being human. It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true.I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithlessand therefore trustworthy. I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not prettyevery day. And if you can source your own life from its presence. I want to know if you can live with failure yours and mine and still stand at the edge of the lakeand shout to the silver of the full moon,“Yes.” It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children. It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back. It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains youf rom the inside when all else falls away. I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

© Mountaindreaming, from the book The Invitation published by
HarperSanFrancisco, 1999 All rights reserved

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Sunday, February 11, 2007

Freezing Our Asses!

Thankfully the weather is turning warmer!! It was too damn cold here for too long of a time. We couldn't take Ariana outside to play and really just hated going outside, so we sat home. Now, that may be interesting for a day or two, but after a while cabin fever starts to hit. And hit it has. Jason and I are chomping at the bits to get out of this house. Of course, everyone is crabby and snapping at each other so it's quite the adventure. It's a good thing I love this guy. ;-) Seriously, I know it's been a while since we've had extended temps like this, and I do not want to enter into the global warming debate at this moment, but COME ON! I cannot wait for spring!

Tuesday, February 6, 2007

Growing Up

We got the letter last week. The one that allows us to register Ariana for 4yo kindergarten. She is growing up so fast. I can't believe she will be four this year. My little guppy is turning into a full-fledged girl. She is into dresses and make-up all of a sudden. I admit it's driving me a bit batty. She still is a daredevil, but she prefers to wear a dress while she's jumping off the couch or performing her "favorite" trick. It's amazing to see her grow and learn new things.

Facing Fears

Most people know that I was induced with Phoenix due to gestational hypertension. My pregnancy with him was wrought with fears and anxieties that many do not understand. Unless you've been through preeclampsia, and a subsequent pregnancy, you just can't know what it is like. So I was estatic to get my induction date; a date after which I didn't have to be anxious and fear the worst anymore. I had prepared myself for the worst and hoped for the best.

The day of his birth was a wondrous, and scary day. We were aware of the risks of induction and of preeclampsia, but when something happens you find out you weren't as prepared as you thought. What many do not know is that I was facing an emergency C-section due to a possible placental abruption. There is a strong association between placental abruption and preeclampsia. But it is something I never contemplated having to think about. A placental abruption is a serious condition in which the placenta partially or completely separates from the uterus before the baby's born. The condition can deprive the baby of oxygen and nutrients, and cause severe bleeding that can be dangerous to both mother and baby.

When it came time for my OB to break my water, he did so and the worries began. My amniotic fluid was blood tinged and the bleeding continued. He ran labs to see if they would reveal a placental abruption. During this time, Phoenix was starting to have slight deccelerations and a scalp monitor was placed to keep an eye on him. I had an OB nurse and an OB tech with me pretty much all the time from here on until birth. One was watching the monitor closely at most times. It got to the point where they started to prep me for a C/S. I had to remove my makeup (hey I wanted to look nice as I was pretty out of it for Ariana's birth) and was even shaved. I knew what a placental abruption was and what it could mean, but I knew Jason did not. So while I was starting to freak out, I knew I had to stay calm so I didn't cause him extra alarm. They brought scrubs for him to put on, but I knew that if things took a turn for the worst, he would not be allowed in the OR and I would be placed under anesthesia. So, I stuffed my fear and tried not to let it show.

So here I was thinking I had avoided a drama-filled labor & birth without having developed HELLP again. And I was facing something I didn’t even want to think of. There are mom’s on the Preeclampsia Foundation website who have lost their babies due to placental abruption and they all raced through my head that day. I was so afraid. Things eventually subsided somewhat and I was able to avoid the C/S. I progressed rather quickly at then end and things went well. I had my baby boy who was healthy, and my blood pressures were returning to normal. I refused to allow myself to think about what could have happened.

I hardly thought of that situation over the last months, but last Oct we were watching one of our favorite shows, ER. One of the characters, Abby, ended up with a placental abruption at around 30 weeks, I believe. The situations were different, but that triggered something in me. The two-part show covered the baby’s NICU stay and Abby’s recovery. I sat there with tears rolling down my face, silent with so many thoughts running through my head. Jason noticed I was crying and at first thought it was just because of the storyline. He soon found out that my fears had surfaced. I faced what I had been afraid of at that time and came to terms with it, somewhat.
Denial is such a powerful thing.

Thursday, February 1, 2007

National Wear Red Day

Is tomorrow, Feb. 2nd!!! Please wear red to support the fight against heart disease!

You can find out more by visiting:

As someone who has lost a family member to heart disease, and has others affected by heart disease, please lend your support. Love your heart!