Monday, April 9, 2012

catching up

it has certainly been awhile since i have posted.  sorry about that.  life has been life and i continue to not take time to write.  i have sat down to write this post a number of times in the last two weeks and finally here it is.  i am meeting with my old supervisor tomorrow to discuss a job opening they have.  my current employment has become a torture and i have discovered that it is causing me to change as a person.  and i am not okay with the changes.  the job itself i can do, but the micromanagement and mismanagement i can no longer stand.  each day as i awake to the buzzing of the alarm, i have to give myself a pep talk to actually go to work.  and when i round the corner to the office, i am filled with dread.  i adore most of the people i work with and count many of them as friends.  however friends can only do so much throughout the day and now that i was warned against socializing last week, i have taken the passive-aggressive stance of working with my office door closed.  of course, the fucking windows they cut into our doors last year make it so anyone can still look in. 

it all boils down to money in reality.  do i keep working a job that i have come to loathe for the paycheck and the comfortableness we have at the moment or do i take the part time job at a prior place of employment making half the wage i make currently.  there are pros and cons like any situation and that is what has been weighing on my mind.  do i resign and hope to reclaim myself knowing that money cannot buy happiness?  that leads to less stress for me, however the hubs will probably stress out more due to lack of extra fundage.  the opportunity to work PT would allow me to build up my travel business more and volunteer at the kids school.  but it also takes away the new camper next year or any large vacations in the coming years.   i know that we would make it financially, we would have to readjust our spending of course, which is not a bad idea altogether anyway.  less money = less stuff, right?

it is scary to think of making a change like this.  but i know have come to appreciate life in a different manner this year.  we can work and work and work to buy and buy, but things do not make a life.  spending time together and doing quality things together makes a life.  i am nervous to pass up the PT opportunity that is available at this time, knowing i would enjoy the job and a similar opportunity may not be available later.  quite honestly, i am scared shitless to make this decision.  but i know what i am doing right now is not healthy for me.  it is unhealthy for my heart and soul, and ultimately that is why i need to make a change.