Sunday, January 31, 2010


It started when I asked her to pick up the pretzel fish she spilled, on purpose. She stuck her tongue out at me and I told her if she did it again, she will have a time out for being sassy. That led to another sass and a complete down slide of behavior....

This is my daughter. And some days are better than others. It's been okay lately, but yesterday we had a blow up and my mom was over. After Ari was sent to her room and told not to come out until she was ready to do her time out, my mother decided to share her thoughts with me about how the Supernanny helped a family with a child that had an issue such as this. Granted, this was the first time my mom has ever witnessed Ariana have a full blown "episode" (as we call them). However at that exact moment, in the heat of your child screaming she hates you and is slamming her door and kicking it, the last thing a parent wants to hear is how to be a better parent. The timing of that sucks and I didn't let it slide. I just couldn't. So, as politely and as restrained as I could, I said "mom, we've watched Supernanny and own two of her books, this is not our first time dealing with her like this." And apparently, I hurt my mother's feelings. Or something did, although I'm sure I didn't help.

So I watched her get ready to leave our home and could see how she was trying to hold herself together. Ari was still in her room and refusing to come out to even say goodbye to grandma. As I'm trying to keep my cool from losing it completely over my child's behavior and now having pissed off my mom unintentionally, I can feel my body tighten. My stress level has officially gone through the rough and I start beating myself up that I hurt my mother's feelings.

Ari is fine within 10 minutes of grandma leaving after her dad talks her down from her "episode." But the rest of the night, this sticks with me. I call my mother this morning to chat and she apologizes for being upset last night. She said Ari had been working diligently on a craft that she wanted to give me and couldn't wait for me to see it...and then she went off after I asked her to pick up her snacks. I popped off some reply about "that's normal at our house and it's not the first time it's happened." She asked about something else and then said she had to get off the phone. Now, that NEVER happens...usually one is trying to get off the phone with her as she likes to chat.

At this point, it's obvious I've pissed her off. And it pisses me off. Why do I have to pay for this? And why do I end up being the one to fix it. Because that's what I do. It's just so goddamn tiring though. I vent to J that in the middle of a freak out from my child that I don't want to hear about parenting techniques and whatnot. Save that for later on after things are calmed down. She knows this is an ongoing issue off and on for us and we are seeing the pedi this week to discuss some possibly causes. I check my voice mail on my cell phone this evening after I get a text and see my mom called me this morning. She wanted to apologize for interfering and is very tearful.

I hate that I feel like an ass for doing what is right for my family. For standing up and saying "no, please don't discuss this with me right now." She rarely interferes with anything like this and I don't recall a time that I've had to step up and say back off, although a few times it's come close. My mom is not one of those overbearing grandmas who tell me how to parent my kids. But I just couldn't take listening to her words yesterday. And I said something.

I'm upset that this is an issue that I'm obviously going to have to resolve. I don't feel like I should have to resolve anything and that it's crazy this happened.

I'll be posting about Ari later this week....that's a whole post in itself

Happy Babies Day!

Niki is a fellow preeclampsia mom who I met after she lost her son, Myles. Myles passed away on my birthday, so I am always thinking of him as that date approaches and I can't imagine not thinking of him ever. After their heartache, they have joy. Twin boys, born via surrogacy, yesterday. Happy Birthday Boys!!! You have some terrific parents and an angel brother watching over you.

Saturday, January 30, 2010

A quick plea

I wanted to share something quick with my fellow preeclampsia moms, and those who just care about it cuz you know me or someone who had pre-e....

From the Preeclampsia Foundation executive director....

Please take a moment to help encourage the Discovery Channel and their TLC affiliate to recognize the Preeclampsia Foundation as the primary source of patient support and information for families like the Duggars. Up to 300,000 pregnant women suffer from hypertensive disorders of pregnancy each year, just in the United States.

This Sunday at 8/7 CT, TLC is airing a special edition of "19 Kids and Counting" that will focus on the Duggar family's 19th pregnancy which ended in the early delivery of 25-weeker Josie. Cause: preeclampsia. The Preeclampsia Foundation has tried to encourage TLC to provide the Preeclampsia Foundation's website as a source of credible information targeted to patients. And now they need your help.

Please send a quick email via this link and ask them to please include a valuable public information website -- -- in conjunction with the Duggar family special that is airing this weekend. The Preeclampsia Foundation is a non-profit organization and it's mission is to help all women get accurate information about this common disorder of pregnancy.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

The Courage To Be Myself

*I got this by email a while back from a friend, I don't know where the credit goes for this, but whomever wrote it...thank you.
I have the courage to…

-Embrace my strengths-
-Get excited about life-
-Enjoy Giving and receiving love-
-Face and transform my fears-
-Ask for help and support when I need it-
-Spring free of the Superwoman Trap-
-Make my own decisions and choices-
-Befriend myself-
-Complete unfinished business-
-Realize that I have emotional and practical rights-
-Talk as nicely to myself as I do to my plants-
-Communicate lovingly with understanding as my goal-
-Give myself credit for my accomplishments-
-Love the little girl within me-
-Overcome my addiction to approval-
-Grant myself permission to play-
-Quit being a Responsibility Sponge-
-Feel all of my feelings and act on them appropriately-
-Nurture others because I want to, not because I have to-
-Insist on being paid fairly for what I do-
-Set limits and boundaries and stick by them-
-Say “yes” only when I really mean it-
-Have realistic expectations-
-Take risks and accept change-
-Grow through challenges-
-Be totally honest with myself-
-Correct erroneous beliefs and assumptions-
-Respect my vulnerabilities-
-Heal old and current wounds-
-Savor the mystery of Spirit-
-Wave good-bye to guilt-
-Plant “flower,” not “weed” thoughts in my mind-
-Treat myself with respect and teach others to do the same-
-Fill my own cup first, then nourish others from the overflow-
-Own my own excellence-
-Plan for the future, but live in the present-
-Value my intuition and wisdom-
-Know that I am lovable-
-Celebrate the differences between men and women-
-Develop healthy, supportive relationships-
-Make forgiveness a priority-
-Accept myself just as I am now-

Some inspiration this morning

"When you have gone so far that you can't manage one more step, then you've gone half the distance you are capable of."
~ Greenlander Proverb

Monday, January 25, 2010


I just finished reading Testimony by Anita Shreve. Excellent book, however a very heavy subject. Rape. Which, of course, I just want to read about right now. Not to mention it's the 2nd book about sexual assault I've read in the last month or so.

Testimony is told from various points of view, which was difficult for me to follow at times. I felt as if I should have a notepad to keep the characters, at least the minor ones, straight. It was very good however. And ended as a surprise as these books usually tend to do.

I'd recommend it if you are looking for something with some teeth.

Tough Day

How do you wind down after a tough day at work?

I'm finding I'm having a very difficult time doing so. And today was one of the worst. I like my day job, but I often find myself thinking about it at home more than I want to. Things I forgot to do, things that I think of to do, things that I could or should have handled differently. Or whatever.

I have to deal with some pretty uncomfortable situations at times as a result of my work. It's not really different from when I worked as an advocate for sexual assault victims, I'm just on the other side now dealing with the perpetrators. I have dealt with most things alright. But the thing I have going on right now has seemed to affect me more than anything else has before. And I'm not sure what to make of it.

I know there are bad people out there. People who hurt others. People who don't conform to the "norms" in society and are turned on by inappropriate things. I, for obvious reasons, cannot get detailed in what I'm talking about and that sucks. I guess, just know that what I had to view today was rather unpleasant and it was the first time in my day job that I really had a slap in the face about the evils of this world. I know they are out there, but to come face to face with one is an experience unlike no other.

So, I attempted to unwind (not until 9pm mind you) with one of my favorite shows, Castle, and a good drink. It didn't clear my mind completely, but it helped a bit. These are the times when I feel like I could work out for hours to blow off the steam. I just don't want to work out at 9pm however. Thankfully I work tomorrow and then I am off the rest of the week. Time to do some fun Disney work (and some unfun accounting Disney work), cleaning of the basement, sleeping, reading, chilling to some tunes...time for me. Which I think comes at just the right time.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Book Highlights

A couple of you asked about some of the books I read last year and I thought I'd share some highlights or favorites of mine.

*Even if you have been vacationing on Mars, you still would probably have heard about the Twilight series by Stephanie Meyer. While I wouldn't go as far as to call myself a "Twi-mom", I do have to admit a fondness for the series. I know some haven't cared for the series, but I love it. Eclipse is my favorite out of the four books.

*Dear John by Nicholas Sparks -- a very recent read for me and one prompted by the film that is being released soon. Next month I think. It was good, definitely didn't end the way I thought it would. It was a pretty quick read for me, but one I enjoyed.

*Cassandra Clare's City of Glass, etc--excellent writing. It's geared towards the teen readers, but I found it very engrossing.

*Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett -- This has been on my "to read" list forever. It is quite long, but is a fantastic read. It took me a bit to get into the book, but once I did I did not want to put it down. There is a follow up book, which is now on my "to read" list. ;-)

*Laurie Notaro -- anything by her is just, well, super awesome. She writes with such hilarity that I laugh out loud many times. The Idiot Guide series are excellent!

Those are a few of the highlights of my faves. This year I'll attempt to actually write more as I read them.

What are your favorites you've read?

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

2009 52 Books in 52 Weeks

So, I didn't reach my goal of 52 books last year. However I came close. I'm putting my list here so I can come back and find it if I need too. And I'm starting my 2010 list in the sidebar.

* 49. Dear John by Nicholas Sparks
* 48. Songs of a Humpback Whale by Jodi Piccoult
* 47. Keeping Faith by Jodi Piccoult
* 46. Breaking Dawn (reread)
* 45. Eclispe (reread)
* 44. New Moon (reread)
* 43. Tempted by PC & Kristin Cast
* 42. This Common Secret by Susan Wicklund
* 41. shattered SILENCE by Melissa Moore
* 40. Things I Want My Daughters To Know by Elizabeth Noble
* 39. Happiness Sold Separately by Lolly Winston
* 38. Thank You For All Things by Sandra Kring
* 37. Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows by JK Rowling
* 36. monster by Jonathon Kellerman
* 35. five things i can't live without by Holly Shumas
* 34. The Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follet
* 33. The Abstinence Teacher by Tom Perrotta
* 32. The Godmother by Carrie Adams
* 31. Up Close and Personal by Fern Michaels
* 30. Woman In Red by Eileen Goudge
* 29. The Next Thing on My List by Jill Smolinski
* 28. Salvation in Death by J.D. Robb
* 27. A Hunger Like No Other by Kelsey Cole
* 26. No Rest For the Wicked by Kelsey Cole
* 25. Wicked Deeds on a Winter Night by Kelsey Cole
* 24. Dark Needs at Nights Edge by Kelsey Cole
* 23. Dark Desires after Dusk by Kelsey Cole
* 22. Kiss of a Demon King by Kelsey Cole
* 21. The Abortionist's Daughter by Elisabeth Hyde
* 20. Just Breathe by Susan Wiggs
* 19. Breaking Dawn by Stephanie Meyer
* 18. Eclipse by Stephanie Meyer
* 17. new Moon by Stephanie Meyer
* 16. Twilight by Stephanie Meyer
* 15. EON Dragoneye Reborn by Alison Goodman
* 14. whispers, the voice of paranoia by Ronald Siegel
* 13. City of Glass by Cassandra Clare
* 12. City of Ashes by Cassandra Clare
* 11. City of Bones by Cassandra Clare
* 10. Hunted by P.C. Cast & Kristin Cast
* 9. The Idiot Girls' Action-Adventure Club by Laurie Notaro
* 8. The Wishsong of Shannara - Terry Brooks
* 7. The Elfstones of Shannara - Terry Brooks
* 6. Sword of Shannara -Terry Brooks
* 5. Acheron - Sherrilyn Kenyon
* 4. 8 Sandpiper Way ~ Debbie Macomber
* 3. Collateral Damage ~ Fern Michaels
* 2. The Dragon Heir ~ Cinda Williams Chima
* 1. The Wizard Heir ~ Cinda Williams Chima

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Household Duties

How are they divided in your home? Do you and your partner do an equal share? Do you both attack whatever needs to be cleaned or taken care of? Do you each have your own list of who does what?

What's wrong with this picture....

I just finished putting together a quote for a potential client for Disney. The kids are in bed, not sleeping. My husband is playing his computer game on the laptop as he listens to the football game. As I'm attempting to work, both kids are calling for something. More milk, can you sleep with me, etc.

I'll give you two guesses who got up to take care of both kids just now, but you'll only need one.

Thankfully I am now finished and am at the kid's beck & call.

Friday, January 8, 2010

Just when I thought it was safe

Life is wonky again. We are having an issue with Ari and I'm at a loss this evening. We just don't know what's going on. Please keep her, and us, in your thoughts.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010


Today it has been 16 years since my grandfather passed away. I can recall that day with crystal clarity. It was the first time that someone close to me died. And it was my grandpa. He had pretty bad heart issues and was only 56 years old when he died. His first heart attack was at age 37. He was gone too soon. On a wintry and blustery day.

So many memories. Oh so many. Ice fishing and having to pee in the bucket. Ice fishing, period. What memories. He took myself and my cousin Kim strawberry picking when we were like 10 or 11, and Kim was so thirsty...he kept asking if he was because she had too much to drink the night before. Stupid at the time, but one of those memories that has stuck with me. I recall wearing my black dress shoes to his house and he would get so upset because there would be black marks on the flooring. He also got me to try beets for the first time. And he loved butter pecan ice cream. I have that on occasion when I am thinking of him. Collecting maple syrup with him in the woods, and having him yell if we drank too much from the tree..."You'll get the runs" he'd say. He brought a lamb to my school for a show & tell things.

The man loved to fart. And thought it was hilarious to sneak up and drop a silent one on an old lady at the local grocery store. Then he'd walk away and everyone would look at the old lady. His farts were almost legendary.

My grandpa, with all his faults, was always there for me. He drove a van of giggling, and I'm sure very annoying, teenage girls home from cheer leading camp. For me. Of course, he embarrassed the hell out of my by talking about the roadkill we passed along our travels. "There's your dinner, everyone got a straw?" I about died. But now I look back and laugh.

He died just after the holidays, but I have no recollection of that last year of holidays with him. My last memory is seeing him in the audience at my holiday choir concert and the pride in his face. He never missed a show. That meant so much to me, still does. I'm choking up just feeling that memory.

I met Jason about 6 months after my grandpa died. I so wish he could have met Jason. And my children. I know he'd be so proud of them, and I wish my kids could have known his farts and his dorky look. That would have meant so much to me.

Love you gramps.