Thursday, February 9, 2017

Feeling done

I'm feeling so done with certain people in my life.  They can push all the bullshit they want in their own lives, but need to stop shoveling that shit to me.  For people who profess to be family and that family matters, you have a funny way of showing it.  For the people who profess to call me friend and that I'm important to you, yet your actions to not match your words, I'm tired of being sidelined, useful to you only when you are in crisis.  This creates toxicity for me and I cannot have it.  I am worthy of a caring, respectful, and reciprocal relationship.

I have found myself reverting back to old habits, things my codependentness loves.  Feeling like I'm helping, but really I'm enabling or doing things for you.  And it's not a healthy place for me to be.  Last night, I got angry.  Really, damn angry.  Which pains my heart, but it also serves as the catalyst for my awareness and change.