Thursday, May 1, 2008

Kids's Bday Parties

I was at a meeting at school today for Ariana's kindergarten parent orientation. I was speaking with another parent who's daughter is in Ariana's current 4K class and she asked if Ariana was attending one of their classmates birthday party tomorrow evening. Um, no. We never got an invitation. She frowned and said that she thought all the girls were invited. She described the invite, which was homemade, thinking that maybe we thought it was an art project and put it aside. But I never saw anything like what she described in Ariana's backpack. Then she wondered if it got lost, etc. I didn't want to make a big deal of it, but wasn't quite sure what to say.

To be honest, I'm a little shocked that we didn't get one (assuming she wasn't invited and the invite wasn't lost) as Ariana and the birthday girl have played together outside of school and they hang out together at school. But, I don't ever see her parents because their sitter picks her up. Ariana doesn't have a clue, which I'm thankful for, but I'm also afraid of her being hurt if someone does say something and she figures out she's not going. On the other hand, what if the invite was just lost? I don't plan on calling the parents. It was suggested that I ask their teacher. Which I'm not sure is actually a good idea either. It's really not that big of a deal. She's got her birthday this weekend and is focused on that, so I'm sure this would ever bother her. But I personally have issues with exclusion. I know what it's like to be excluded as a child due to petty reasons and it hurts. I guess I feel that it's all or none for parties like this.


We are just having cake & ice cream with grandparents this weekend for Ariana's birthday. I was not planning a kids party for her this year. But this has me thinking now about what to do next year.

Do you do the whole kid party thing for your kids? Do you invite the child's entire class or just a few friends?

Update: The invite was lost. There was another child's who's didn't make it home either. Yes, all the girls were invited and I had two more moms mention it to me at pickup this afternoon. And then birthday girls mom came to pick up and she asked if we were coming since she hadn't heard from us.

I think it's only natural that the first time you find out that your child is maybe not invited to a party that you wonder a bit. I'm all for keeping friends open and not forcing each other to play. For me, I can say that our parties will be all or none in the coming years.


Aunt Becky said...

I invite every single person I can think of. I don't relish leaving anyone out, and will make sure that as many kids as possible are included.

Doesn't mean I LIKE it, tho :)

kate hopper said...

So sad. We have taken to inviting family and friends from outside Stella's school. We can't invite her whole class (not enough room), and inviting just a few seems like a bad idea for the reasons you've described...

Anonymous said...

G has 20 kids in his class, half are noticeably younger, and he doesn't really ever play with some of them. Some are just pains in his arse at school as well, and he doesn't care for a couple kids. I always thought it had to be all or nothing too, until G was invited to a classmate's party in which only 6-7 kids were there. I was talking w/the mom, and she said she left it up to the child who to invite, and those were the only ones he wanted to invite. They had a great time, and the b-day kid got to spend a lot of time with each child who was there.

I never thought of it that way until I had to decide on G's party. He ONLY wanted a few kids, and really, why should I pay a fortune, and have the chaos of having 20 kids when G didn't want everyone anyway? G wanted 4-5, then 6 kids total. I put the invites in their "mailboxes" at school, and it's not a big issue. We've also heard of a girl who had a party and did the same thing. G wasn't upset at all. It seems the parents think it's a bigger deal than the kids. They seem to thing that's how it is, some invite some and some invite all. They shrug it off.

Not trying to be insensitive to others at all, but at age 5, I think it all depends on the friendships the kids have, and how much $$$ the parents want to invest. I'm totalling around $150 for 7 kids (including brother), and if it were more, the price would double! He's only 5, no thanks!

Shrug it off, it could have been an innocent error.

On another note, I made a rule that the kids can only have a party every other year. With 2 kids, I'm not throwing 2 parties every year, so I made a limit. They get too friggin' expensive!

Anonymous said...

K has had a party every years since her 3rd bithday! That year she wasn't in school yet, so it ws just our close friends. Since then it has either been everyone in the class or girls only. This year we are doing a pool party and she is going with just girls. I think 30 invites have gone out, I'm hoping that not all of them show up though! Keeping my fingers crossed for that! I think as they get older though they don't want as many to invite, it's not all about the presents anymore they grow up and just want to be with their friends. IDK I guess it all depends on how the invites are passed out and if they are talking about it, if it isn't handled right then feelings get hurt.

Swistle said...

Oh, man! And this is also why it's a good idea for parents to check into it if they don't get an RSVP, because it's basically the only way to fix a bad situation: there is ZERO CHANCE that I would approach another parent and ask if my child was invited! But if they check up on RSVP-less invites, they'd find the missing ones.