Can I do it?

I'm at 288 posts (this will be 289). Can I make 300 before the year ends? Without making stupid, short-ass postings?

Dec 31st update: Ah yeah, not going to make it. ;)

No Go

Well, I got my letter the other day from the office where I interviewed. "Thanks, but no thanks." I'm okay with it, for the most part. Of course, there is always that piece of you that feels like shit and that you aren't good enough. But, all in all, I'm okay with it. Hopefully this means something better (read: closer) in my future. It would have been a great foot in the door, but I wasn't looking forward to driving 56 miles to work and back home each day.

The sucky thing is that the list of candidates expires on Feb 18th, so if I don't get anything in the next month I'll have to reapply and do the examinations again in Madison. And I'll be pissed if I drop in ranking. But what can I do?

We Wish You A Merry Christmas

Here are the promised photos from Ariana's holiday program at school.



Here is her gingerbread house she built


Here is some video of the three songs I caught pieces of on video.

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Exhaustion

Exhaustion is starting to set in. Ariana has been sick for a week, and Phoenix followed her starting on Monday. They've been cranky during the day and sleeping like crap at night. Thankfully it's typically one or the other during the nighttime, so that helps a bit. But jeez, I'm about ready to go on a solo vacation where I can sleep late and just sit around all day doing nothing but read a book. ;)

Snowfall

Last Saturday we were dumped on. We had 10 inches in our driveway and we got stuck in the road in the entrance to the driveway. We had to wait for the snowplow to go through before we ventured out.



And we got rain before it switched to snow, which made things even lovelier. ;)

Woohoo!

I'm baaaaacccckkkk. ;) New modem arrived today.

Fudge

We lost our internet on Thursday. They finally figured that our modem is blown and of course we are no longer under the warranty. However, the dude is going to send a free replacement anyway. We just won't have it until Wed/Thurs.

Great.

Who & Why

So, I've been getting some people linking to me via another blog and I have no clue who the blogger is. For the Love of Sanity is a blogger who is set up to have only invited readers, but I'm not one of them. They have to be linking to me somehow. So, if you are checking my blog out from there, please drop me a comment and say hi.

Really? Seriously?

So, my youngest child has taken a delightful fancy to removing his clothing. He apparently likes to be in the buff. You should see that lil hiney take off when you are getting him ready for a bath, it's just too darn cute.

I laid him down for a nap the other day and much to my dismay, he cried for a while, then played in the crib, and then....ah, silence. I enjoy my tranquility for a while until I hear him awaken. Usually he plays a bit or talks to himself, so I was in no rush to go into the room. Big mistake. Huge mistake. Awful mistake.

He crapped his diaper. Before he must have fallen asleep. He removed the diaper. And there was crap EVERYWHERE! The smell was atrocious, like almost gag-worthy. Ugh.

He's waving at me and all I see are brown fingers and hands. Brown spots on his arms and chest. It's on his legs, butt, and feet. How the hell am I going to clean this up? I find a clean spot under his arms and lift him up, deposit him in the bathroom on a rug that I figure if worse comes to worse, I can toss it. I attempt to remove most of the crap by using wipes to collect if off his body before I throw him into the tub. Nothing could be worse than this, other than having a poopy tub to clean up too. ;) Some of the poop is dried and stuck on, you know the kind I'm talking about.

He is delighted and attempts to escape into the living room. Um, I don't think so kid. I soap him up good and wipe him down. Empty the water right away and refill it to help rinse him off. He's looking at me like I've lost it, what are you doing mom?

I ended up just removing the crib sheet & pad and folding all the blankets & clothes up inside. I shook them out right outside the door, just in case, before taking them down to start them in the washer. I've had to deal with this before with him, but never this bad. The front rails and the one side railing was covered. I wiped them down twice, once with a wipe to clean them off and then with a bleach wipe to clean it. Yuck.

I consider that my good mommy deed for the month.

Dammit

I completely meant to blog about something that Jason did yesterday, even forwarned him I'd be blogging about it, but for the life of me today I cannot recall what it is.

Awesome Friend

I am thankful to have my AWEsome friend. You know who you are. I can count on you for anything!

Jingle Bells

Ariana had her holiday program at school yesterday, and she sang her heart out. I was so proud to see her singing as last year she didn't open her mouth and stood there shyly. I'm working on getting photos up today hopefully.

Personal Dilemma

So, I've been working the two part time jobs in addition to my travel agent work and my all emcompassing job as a stay at home mom. ;) I'm plum-tuckered out. I'm so ready to be done working at ON, but I feel like I'm quitting a committment I made. I don't even know if I will have a job there after the holidays since I'm a seasonal employee. I made just over minimum wage, so it's not like I'm bringing in huge bucks for my time.

I was going to stop by yesterday and tell them that Sat would be my last day, but I chickened out. I hate conflict, and the guilt I'm feeling would have come through when they would have asked me to please stay. I can't say no very well.

I know in my heart what I want to do, but feel like such an awful person that I'm not doing it.

*Update: I quit! And with a slight feeling of guilt that moved quickly to intense relief.

Walking Down The Hall

I returned to the birthing center last month to visit a friend who had her baby. I couldn't wait to see her and to offer my congrats. However as soon as I walked into the elevator, I was transported back in time. Every time I ride in that elevator, I think of the day we left the hospital and our little girl stayed. That isn't the way things are supposed to work. As I enter the nursing station, I'm hit with the NICU on the right. I can see the window that Ariana was next to during her 15 day stay.

The memories flood back. The wheelchair ride to the nursery for my first look at our daughter. Being told I can't hold her that time since she was having some issues. Sitting next to her isolette reading The Hungry Caterpillar. My first mother's day spent giving her her first bath. The pedi telling us we can take her home.

I shake my head and bring myself back to the present only to walk past the triage room. So many fears in that room for me. I falter and my breathing hitches, then comes faster. I can do this, I tell myself. I continue cautiously past the room where I was admitted with Ariana, past the room where I had Phoenix. I was trying to keep breathing calmly, but afraid of a sudden memory that would spin me suddenly. My brain was flooded with the emotions of those stays.

I sigh with gratefulness as I reach my friend's room. Thankful that the memories will stop for a while. Then I see that tiny bundle and my heart skips. I smile as I'm reeling. I bravely remain outwardly calm and happy for my friend, but inside am filled with a sadness and grief I was not expecting.

My stay with them was short, but good. I never let on that I was inwardly awkward. As I left the hospital and walked through the doors into the free air, I took a deep breath and by the time I reached the car the tears were falling. I cannot put into words the exact emotions that I was feeling at the moment, but it was theraputic and I'm hoping the next time we visit the birthing center I won't have such a "memorable" visit.

My laugh out loud today

GW Bush Paper Doll

A friend told me about these today and I laughed my ass off. Apparently W's doll is him in his skivvies and cowboy boots.