We have friends who's daughter is in surgery this morning to close her PDA. Mom is a woman I met through our mutual affliction with preeclampsia.
Here's a bit of what she wrote...
"She's been followed by a pediatric cardiologist since she was born, because she was born with a congenital heart defect called a Patent Ductus Arteriosus (PDA), which is essentially an open artery in the heart that should be closed off. It causes a loud murmur, and allows oxygenated blood to flow the wrong way back into the lungs and right ventricle, instead of off into the body where it's supposed to go. This causes her heart and lungs to work extra hard just to keep up. Because it didn't cause problems with her breathing and eating when she was little, they chose to watch and wait. We are very thankful that she didn't have to have the surgery when she was so little and fragile, when she was first born. By 11 months old they warned us it probably wouldn't close on it's own, and would have to be closed around age 2.
They are planning on doing catheter surgery which is minimally invasive, running a line up the leg vein in through the middle of the heart to the artery, and inserting a device that will help clot and seal over the artery. The device will be forever implanted in her heart and is made of nickel and titanium (very small & lite). There are of course some risks, but the procedure is highly recommended at this time due to her increasing complications. And of course there are risks if the procedure isn't performed."
So please send good thoughts to Avery and her parents for a quick recovery.
*Update: She's doing well, and should be coming home in the morning!
Monday, December 17, 2007
Interview Day
I have my interview this afternoon.
*Update: Well it went alright. Pretty much as I expected. I should hear something in a few days I guess.
*Update: Well it went alright. Pretty much as I expected. I should hear something in a few days I guess.
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Proud
My dad graduates today! I'm so proud of him! And he was awarded the Outstanding Graduate in his program.
Friday, December 14, 2007
Whining
I'm so darn whiney right now. I am tired and I am ready to be done working the PT job at ON. I work for just above minimum wage, and I most likely won't have a job there after two weeks as I'm seasonal. Ugh. But I can't quit now as I made the committment and feel badly about leaving them right before Christmas. I just wish I could get some more energy to help make it through the day.
Quote
I don't know who originally said it, but I came across this today.
Sometimes you put up walls not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.
Sometimes you put up walls not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.
Why do I?
Why do I fall into another person's created crisis? So, the friend that I mentioned the other day called me back and we spoke at length about how things are going. She does have PPD, and her doc put her on meds right away. She mentioned it to the people she works with when she came for a visit. Lots of things culminated into this frantic "We're worried she's going to kill her baby" and "We're so worried about her" talk. Apparently when she came for that first visit, she had someone help her carry the baby in and back out to the car. Baby was passed around and at one point someone asked if she wanted the baby back and she said no, I'm with her all day you can hold her longer. Then since she was meaning to make a quick visit and the baby had just eaten before they left, she only packed one bottle to bring along. If you take these things in the regular context of a new mother, it's not really a big deal right? I don't think so.
Well, with the PPD announcement and skewed opinions of some, the assumption was made that mom didn't want anything to do with her baby and that she didn't have enough food to feed her. I am so pissed at the judgements that were made, and I still don't have the entire story. ONE person went to someone else and shared HER assumptions, without asking more questions. Did it come out that mom's c-section scar was oozing and causing issues, and her doc suggested she carry minimal amounts? No. Her last week of pregnancy included multiple admissions to the birthing center for induction due to a high blood pressure scare. She ended up laboring and never getting passed 3cm. Baby pooped inside and there was an infection in her placenta, all these things resulted in a c/s. Mom was plum tuckered out, and I don't blame her.
There is some history with this situation that I think colored people's opinions and assumptions. When this person discovered she was pregnant, she was thinking about all of her options. This pregnancy was unplanned and they are not in the best financial situation at the moment. She was thinking about terminating, and that pissed some people off. What upsets me about this is the work that is done by these people is that of discussing options and empowering yourself to make your own choices. She did not get the support that some of these people offer to clients. Why is she different? (She did have pressure from other sources to keep the baby, so this wasn't the only source.) Obviously, she decided to carry the baby. There is one person who is struggling with infertility and all of this resulted in some poor assumptions and judgements made. I understand the jealousy, anger, and disappointment of not getting pregnant when it seems like everyone else is around you. I get that, I remember the sadness of each month. But while I was jealous and sad for myself, I never let that diminish another person's joy. I supported women who were looking at termination for their pregnancies while I was pregnant, and I never allowed my personal life to interfere with that. It's not my right. It is her choice, not mine.
I could go on and on, but I won't. I'm saddened that some could not support this person in a way they would a client. I'm saddened that she was made to feel like an awful person for wanting to "get rid of her baby" (one person's words). Until you walk in her shoes, or anyone else's who even has to take that under consideration...shut the hell up. It's not an easy decision and many struggle with it and grieve. I'm disappointed that people take things at first glance and run with them without asking for more information or providing support and care for someone who is struggling. Not everyone there did this, but there were a few who did. And all it takes is one person to start something.
In the end, mom is getting help, feeling better, and enjoying her little one. She's understanding now how much work it is to care for a baby, and wishes for more sleep. But were we all like that with our first child?
Well, with the PPD announcement and skewed opinions of some, the assumption was made that mom didn't want anything to do with her baby and that she didn't have enough food to feed her. I am so pissed at the judgements that were made, and I still don't have the entire story. ONE person went to someone else and shared HER assumptions, without asking more questions. Did it come out that mom's c-section scar was oozing and causing issues, and her doc suggested she carry minimal amounts? No. Her last week of pregnancy included multiple admissions to the birthing center for induction due to a high blood pressure scare. She ended up laboring and never getting passed 3cm. Baby pooped inside and there was an infection in her placenta, all these things resulted in a c/s. Mom was plum tuckered out, and I don't blame her.
There is some history with this situation that I think colored people's opinions and assumptions. When this person discovered she was pregnant, she was thinking about all of her options. This pregnancy was unplanned and they are not in the best financial situation at the moment. She was thinking about terminating, and that pissed some people off. What upsets me about this is the work that is done by these people is that of discussing options and empowering yourself to make your own choices. She did not get the support that some of these people offer to clients. Why is she different? (She did have pressure from other sources to keep the baby, so this wasn't the only source.) Obviously, she decided to carry the baby. There is one person who is struggling with infertility and all of this resulted in some poor assumptions and judgements made. I understand the jealousy, anger, and disappointment of not getting pregnant when it seems like everyone else is around you. I get that, I remember the sadness of each month. But while I was jealous and sad for myself, I never let that diminish another person's joy. I supported women who were looking at termination for their pregnancies while I was pregnant, and I never allowed my personal life to interfere with that. It's not my right. It is her choice, not mine.
I could go on and on, but I won't. I'm saddened that some could not support this person in a way they would a client. I'm saddened that she was made to feel like an awful person for wanting to "get rid of her baby" (one person's words). Until you walk in her shoes, or anyone else's who even has to take that under consideration...shut the hell up. It's not an easy decision and many struggle with it and grieve. I'm disappointed that people take things at first glance and run with them without asking for more information or providing support and care for someone who is struggling. Not everyone there did this, but there were a few who did. And all it takes is one person to start something.
In the end, mom is getting help, feeling better, and enjoying her little one. She's understanding now how much work it is to care for a baby, and wishes for more sleep. But were we all like that with our first child?
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Worry
A friend of mine had her first child last month. She's a wonderful person who always puts others first. She was very nervous to have this little being dependent on her. That her baby would grow up to be a bad person. She had a rough delivery, but when I saw her a day later she seemed to be in good spirits.
I have thought about her often over the last two weeks and have been meaning to call her to see how things are going. I find out tonight that others are worried about her and that she may be sufferering from postpartum depression.
I'm now worried about her. I called to leave a message tonight, I'm just hoping she calls me back. This is not something that I've experienced myself, so I'm not sure how to best help her.
I have thought about her often over the last two weeks and have been meaning to call her to see how things are going. I find out tonight that others are worried about her and that she may be sufferering from postpartum depression.
I'm now worried about her. I called to leave a message tonight, I'm just hoping she calls me back. This is not something that I've experienced myself, so I'm not sure how to best help her.
Game Day Photos
Two guys in pure joy of their day
Gilbert Brown signing autographs (at $20 a pop)
At the tailgate party at Brett Favre's Steakhouse (came with the package we got them)
Game shots
WOOHOO!
Final score
For posterity
Gilbert Brown signing autographs (at $20 a pop)
At the tailgate party at Brett Favre's Steakhouse (came with the package we got them)
Game shots
WOOHOO!
Final score
For posterity
Monday, December 10, 2007
Dear Ariana
Age 4, Dec 2007
For my sunshine,
You are my miracle, and I am grateful for you daily. Even in the moments when I'm gritting my teeth in frustration with you. You are full of energy, curiosity, and love. Nothing is halfway with you, you feel things fully at 150%.
You grew a love for dresses this year and you wore them ALL summer. You were quite put out with me when I told you that you would have to wear pants for school some days. You think you are beautiful when you paint up your face with your makeup and I try to hide my laughter. Never lose that please. You are so proud of yourself when you accomplish a new task, even though getting there is a rough spot. You are also hard on yourself, and you will never know how much this grieves me. You have the best twinkle in your eyes when you are excited. And you make the cutest face when you are mad.
You are growing into such a big girl, and that transformation has become apparent this year. My little 4lb guppie is now a young girl. Not my toddler anymore. I have to ask for kisses more often than you just giving them up. You never give a half-hearted hug, it's full arms tight.
You love your princesses. You also love your dinosaurs and bugs. You play volcano and earthquake. You LOVE to "art" as you call it. You tell us you are going to study volcanoes and tornadoes when you grow up. You are learning that teasing your little brother is fun. You are learning to read and write. When you spell a word that you see and read it to me, it melts my heart. You have friends at school and like your teacher.
You don't like the dark, and I (and sometimes dad too) have to do the "mommy monster dance" when it's time for bed. You insist upon your 3 stories at bedtime and we always sing "You are my sunshine."
You ARE my sunshine. You are unrepeatable.
Love,
Mommy
For my sunshine,
You are my miracle, and I am grateful for you daily. Even in the moments when I'm gritting my teeth in frustration with you. You are full of energy, curiosity, and love. Nothing is halfway with you, you feel things fully at 150%.
You grew a love for dresses this year and you wore them ALL summer. You were quite put out with me when I told you that you would have to wear pants for school some days. You think you are beautiful when you paint up your face with your makeup and I try to hide my laughter. Never lose that please. You are so proud of yourself when you accomplish a new task, even though getting there is a rough spot. You are also hard on yourself, and you will never know how much this grieves me. You have the best twinkle in your eyes when you are excited. And you make the cutest face when you are mad.
You are growing into such a big girl, and that transformation has become apparent this year. My little 4lb guppie is now a young girl. Not my toddler anymore. I have to ask for kisses more often than you just giving them up. You never give a half-hearted hug, it's full arms tight.
You love your princesses. You also love your dinosaurs and bugs. You play volcano and earthquake. You LOVE to "art" as you call it. You tell us you are going to study volcanoes and tornadoes when you grow up. You are learning that teasing your little brother is fun. You are learning to read and write. When you spell a word that you see and read it to me, it melts my heart. You have friends at school and like your teacher.
You don't like the dark, and I (and sometimes dad too) have to do the "mommy monster dance" when it's time for bed. You insist upon your 3 stories at bedtime and we always sing "You are my sunshine."
You ARE my sunshine. You are unrepeatable.
Love,
Mommy
Dear Phoenix (18 months)
My dearest son,
You are so stinkin' silly. You bring a smile to my face daily and the joy that eminates from you is undeniable. You don't talk too much right now, but more and more words are on their way. "Hot" is the latest accomplishment, although it sounds more like "Ha". You are loving the Christmas tree and driving us crazy as you crawl underneath and turn the lights on and off.
You have an affinity for the Wiggles, and when you dance you twirl in circles. Climbing is life's greatest adventure for you at this time. You move almost anything you can so you can reach things.
You are so adorable when you lay your head next to your big sister when she's tired or not feeling well. And those smooches you give are wonderful. You love to wave goodbye from the window when daddy leaves for work. You are bashful when meeting a new person, but warm up quickly. You are a jabber-jaws.
You are in love with your nukie. Mommy wants to limit it's use, but I don't think it's going to go over very well. Popcorn is a recent addition, and you get mad when mommy lets you have only one piece at a time. You love to clap and make that wonderful boyish "urgh" sound. You think jumping on our bellies is incredibly funny.
You can throw one heck of a tantrum when you are mad. You have recently learned that throwing things gets you attention. You like to hang out with your sister while she's in a timeout, much to our non-amusement. You love to be naked, and it's no surprise when I find you in your crib sans clothing.
You are a light of hope and love for me. I cannot imagine my life without you.
I love you
Mommy
You are so stinkin' silly. You bring a smile to my face daily and the joy that eminates from you is undeniable. You don't talk too much right now, but more and more words are on their way. "Hot" is the latest accomplishment, although it sounds more like "Ha". You are loving the Christmas tree and driving us crazy as you crawl underneath and turn the lights on and off.
You have an affinity for the Wiggles, and when you dance you twirl in circles. Climbing is life's greatest adventure for you at this time. You move almost anything you can so you can reach things.
You are so adorable when you lay your head next to your big sister when she's tired or not feeling well. And those smooches you give are wonderful. You love to wave goodbye from the window when daddy leaves for work. You are bashful when meeting a new person, but warm up quickly. You are a jabber-jaws.
You are in love with your nukie. Mommy wants to limit it's use, but I don't think it's going to go over very well. Popcorn is a recent addition, and you get mad when mommy lets you have only one piece at a time. You love to clap and make that wonderful boyish "urgh" sound. You think jumping on our bellies is incredibly funny.
You can throw one heck of a tantrum when you are mad. You have recently learned that throwing things gets you attention. You like to hang out with your sister while she's in a timeout, much to our non-amusement. You love to be naked, and it's no surprise when I find you in your crib sans clothing.
You are a light of hope and love for me. I cannot imagine my life without you.
I love you
Mommy
Letting Go
I have difficulty letting certain things go. Things that I believe I have done incorrectly or somehow messed up. I shoulder the responsibility of things that may not mean anything to the other party, or things that don't really need responsibility. Even if it's something out of my control, I tend to beat myself up over it.
I have a moment from junior year of high school that still causes me tremendous guilt. It's been over 15 years and I still feel the weight of my slip-up. It's inconsequential now, and has been for years. But I can't forgive myself for it.
This afternoon on my way to pick up Ariana from school, I was stopped at a 4-way stop. There was a van to my left that stopped just after I did. Just as I started to go, I saw a bike pop into my line of vision in the front. The guy was hidden by the hunk of metal that helps hold my roof up, the side of the front window. I stopped immediately and let him cross. As he rode in front of my he gestured at himself and gave me a dirty look. I immediately felt awful that I didn't see the guy. I tried to get over it, but then I started telling myself that I wasn't really paying close enough attention and I continued to berate myself. It was 3 hours ago and I still feel badly. What the hell is wrong with me?
I talk to myself in a not-so-friendly manner. I am aware that this is not good for my emotional or mental health. I know the minute that I start in on myself that what I am doing is wrong and try to stop myself. But I've been doing it for so long, I find it difficult to stop.
I need to let go of my insecurities and know that I am a decent person. I need to let go of shouldering responsibility for things that I have no control over and that are not my fault. I need to let go of the negative self image I hold. I need to let go of the denials I tell myself.
I need to let go. I must let go of these things.
I have a moment from junior year of high school that still causes me tremendous guilt. It's been over 15 years and I still feel the weight of my slip-up. It's inconsequential now, and has been for years. But I can't forgive myself for it.
This afternoon on my way to pick up Ariana from school, I was stopped at a 4-way stop. There was a van to my left that stopped just after I did. Just as I started to go, I saw a bike pop into my line of vision in the front. The guy was hidden by the hunk of metal that helps hold my roof up, the side of the front window. I stopped immediately and let him cross. As he rode in front of my he gestured at himself and gave me a dirty look. I immediately felt awful that I didn't see the guy. I tried to get over it, but then I started telling myself that I wasn't really paying close enough attention and I continued to berate myself. It was 3 hours ago and I still feel badly. What the hell is wrong with me?
I talk to myself in a not-so-friendly manner. I am aware that this is not good for my emotional or mental health. I know the minute that I start in on myself that what I am doing is wrong and try to stop myself. But I've been doing it for so long, I find it difficult to stop.
I need to let go of my insecurities and know that I am a decent person. I need to let go of shouldering responsibility for things that I have no control over and that are not my fault. I need to let go of the negative self image I hold. I need to let go of the denials I tell myself.
I need to let go. I must let go of these things.
Sunday, December 9, 2007
Go Pack
Jason and my dad are at the Packer game today, freezing their tushies off possibly. Or at least a little toe. Jason was so giddy last evening and couldn't wait to be on their way this morning.
Update: Pack wins! I'll have some photos up soon.
Update: Pack wins! I'll have some photos up soon.
Thursday, December 6, 2007
I love my kids, but
I love my kids, but there are days when the headaches are abound and I just want to escape from it all. Not many, but there are days.
Phoenix is supposed to be taking a nap at the moment. But like me who is doing something other than what I planned on doing (wrapping gifts), I can hear him playing in his room. Which means he crawled out of the crib. Let's just hope he kept his diaper on this time. I better go check.
Phoenix is supposed to be taking a nap at the moment. But like me who is doing something other than what I planned on doing (wrapping gifts), I can hear him playing in his room. Which means he crawled out of the crib. Let's just hope he kept his diaper on this time. I better go check.
My Inner Scrooge
My inner Scrooge is making it's annual appearance. I get Scrooge-like when it comes to shopping during the holidays. This is a huge reason of why I also like to buy gifts early. People are in a hurry, they are crabby, they are rude.
This woman at the store this morning almost caused me to lose my cool. The kids were with me and I was disappointed that the items I wanted were not instock. So, I'm waiting in line for the ONE cashier that's open and the backup person comes. She says she'll take the next person in line (that's me) and this BAG (I have another word I used in my head, but I won't type it) literally races me for the line. She, of course, has a crapload of items to buy while I'm standing there with two things and two young kids. If I would have stayed where I would have been outta there lickety-split. Then as I am backing out of the space, this dude in a huge SUV comes racing down the aisle and doesn't wait for me to finish backing up. The ass end of my van is in the middle and he schleps by without a glance. "Fucker" I mutter under my breath so the bad-word police (Ariana) don't nab me.
This is a time of year for helpfulness, cheer, and all that good shit. So, why do people have to be assholes?
This woman at the store this morning almost caused me to lose my cool. The kids were with me and I was disappointed that the items I wanted were not instock. So, I'm waiting in line for the ONE cashier that's open and the backup person comes. She says she'll take the next person in line (that's me) and this BAG (I have another word I used in my head, but I won't type it) literally races me for the line. She, of course, has a crapload of items to buy while I'm standing there with two things and two young kids. If I would have stayed where I would have been outta there lickety-split. Then as I am backing out of the space, this dude in a huge SUV comes racing down the aisle and doesn't wait for me to finish backing up. The ass end of my van is in the middle and he schleps by without a glance. "Fucker" I mutter under my breath so the bad-word police (Ariana) don't nab me.
This is a time of year for helpfulness, cheer, and all that good shit. So, why do people have to be assholes?
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