confusion, activism, relaxation, and more. oh my

I didn't feel well this morning, so I called in sick.  It's turned into a mental health wellness day as well.  I finished a delightful, "fluff" book this morning and decided to indulge in a documentary.  One yesterday and one today.  This morning, I watched Pink Ribbons, Inc.  I had told myself I'd relax until noon before showering and then doing some stuff while remaining relaxed.  Then I watched a show that addressed the commercialism of the breast cancer campaign.  I have had some feelings about said campaigns over the recent years, but have felt it was not something I should share as I have family & friends are are large supporters.

I thought the film was done well.  It was thought provoking, informational, and resourceful for me personally.  I took some notes and it got me thinking.  (Remember, that piece above where I shared I was intending to relax today?  Well, I don't do 'nothing' very well.)

• The "survivor" status.  Yes, I think individuals should be celebrating their living through cancer.  However, I am uncomfortable with the "survivor" message sent by the breast cancer awareness machines.  This is two-fold with the term "battle" as used in this situation.  Whether intentional or unintentionally, well-minded people talk about how this person "lost the battle" or "won her battle" with cancer.  What does that mean about those who die from cancer?  They weren't strong enough?  They weren't good enough?  Brave enough? I could go on and on.  
• Charlotte Haley is a woman who designed cards with salmon-colored ribbon on them to promote and encourage individuals to contact their government officials to request that more money be granted for cancer prevention.  Long story short,  Mrs. Haley didn't jump on board and the machine chose a different color.  I share this because Mrs. Haley was concerned with the commercialism of those involved.  And this story leads to one of my concerns and it is discussed in this film.  I admit I have purchased "pink" products.  I have thought to myself, it's better to purchase the pink item rather than the non-pink item because some money is going towards the cause.  That shit ended for me within the last 1-2 years.  Why should I buy a $20 water bottle in which only $1 is gifted to a breast cancer group?  So "I" can feel good?  So, I can show others how supportive of whatever group the piddly $1 went to?  Bullshit.  I'd rather give the entire $20 to an organization.

• Where does my money go?  As a donator and a volunteer for a non-profit, this is important to me.  I have made a stand to not donate to organizations who don't support the values and beliefs I have.  Okay, maybe 1-2 slip through because I want to support a friend's kid or something a friend is doing.  However, there are a few hot button issues I have firmly come to stand for....equal rights for all and a woman's ability to choose.  You may not agree with me and that's okay.  It's my money and not yours that I am deciding to spend.  :)  I don't support the Komen Foundation for remarks made by their leadership.  And that's okay.  I still support breast cancer research and support services, I just do it through a different avenue.  I am aware of a large tax exempt organization that has a legal team at it's ready to sue start-up non-profits if their tagline, logo, or whatever is too similar or is possibly infringing on their "copyright."  Who the fuck owns the pink ribbon anyway?  Who gives a shit?  Thanks for spending donor money to be assholes to another cause.  

• They discuss in the film about how little money is being aimed at cancer prevention.  If we aren't tackling what causes cancer and how to prevent it, how can we 'cure' it?  Are there multiple researchers working on the same thing?  Is someone doing a project that has already been done?  How can I look at all the research for myself and make sense of it?  
•  Who is sitting on the boards of these large machines?  Pharma companies who stand to benefit from treatment drugs?  Companies whose products have a correlation to cancer, even possibly causing cancer?  How does an organization realistically fund a research project on the effects of pesticides if a board member's company owns a pesticide company? 

• Why pink?  Pink is supposedly a 'feminine' color.  What does our society think pink represents?  I personally think of softness, comfort (in particular with the pastel-ly pink) and a "girl power" way for the hot pink, but in a middle school kind-of-way.  No color represents the experience of cancer.  I get that there has to be a color(s) for a campaign, but the pervasive nature of the pink campaign for breast cancer makes me want to vomit.  
•  Sometimes the message of positivity is too much.  Cancer fucking sucks.  Living with cancer, experiencing life with cancer is not easy or pretty.  I don't feel that individuals are not given the freedom to be angry.  Those affected by cancer are "supposed" to remain optimistic and not think of the worst.  How alone an individual may feel at times going through the journey of cancer?  Support means supporting people at the times of most desperate need, acknowledging the hurt and the anger, the good and the bad, meeting them where they are at.  

I stepped away in the middle of this post for a few hours and have returned, so some of my angry steam has flowed away.  :)  What I want to end with is what I took away from this documentary.  I am angry that these groups are not working with environmental groups.  The toxins we are injesting via pesticides, plastic, etc have to be having an effect on our bodies.  I am frustrated that our government by in large refuses to acknowledge we are poisoning ourselves and this earth, that they allow a company like the big M and their fucking soybeans to keep steamrolling our farmers and our citizens.  I am beyond pissed that our government can't get their shit together enough to look at legislating chemical companies and what potential dangers there may be, but wants to control my fucking reproductive system.  I learned today that there is a website that I can go to to learn about the beauty products I use (however, little that may be) or the sunscreen I put on myself & my kids and read a review of how safe that product is.  I found a website that I can read some research pieces on.  I was inspired that I can make changes in my own life to feel better about the products I use, the organizations I support, and learn more in general about breast cancer & the research being done on it. 

I sat there and applied it to my volunteer work and the walk I just coordinated this weekend.  How can I change the way I speak about preeclampsia.  What message do I send when I ask for support in the fight against preeclampsia.  Now, I recognize that preeclampsia and breast cancer are two different health situation.  But there were things I felt I could apply.  Being sure to honor those who are here after their preeclampsia experience as well as those who are not.  I can be better at sharing what research grant $ I fundraise for is actually going for.  I want to talk more about personal advocacy as it is something we don't do in our health care system.  We are taught to listen to the doctor, to not question, may be given grief or even pressured to not have a second opinion.  This weekend I met a woman who I firmly believe would not be here today on earth if she hadn't advocated for herself against a medical team who completely disregarded her, her concerns, and her symptoms.  Five years later, she questions them but not to their face.  I want to highlight how important support is.  Patient support is critical.  Support from others is equally as important. 

I have put together today that the larger picture of women's health and rights are important to me.  Whether it be prenatal care across the glove, sexual education of our young people, breast cancer, domestic violence, or preeclampsia.  Each is separate, but yet connected.  And there is something I can do.  I can continue to write my governmental officials about topics important to me, I can continue to donate to organizations I find worthy, I can discover new organizations I may wish to support, I can change the life of people.  Here or across the globe, I am an agent of change.

I learned that I can add a piece to my "about me" life description.  I am an activist.  For whatever the cause may be, if I believe in it I will do what I can to make a difference, no matter how small. 

Some more randoms

Ariana receiving her Citizen of the Month award


Taking Steps Against Violence - 5K Run/Walk



Argh....it's a band of pirates!

It Makes Me Feel Like Dancin'

This past Saturday, I participated in our local women's shelter block party as a belly dance performer. I was pretty nervous since there were SO many faces I knew in the crowd, but I guess I did alright. October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month and this block party kicks off the organization's month of events. It was awesome to give back in a very different way than I have previously for the agency. Krista is the other belly dancer, my instructor and friend.

Happy October

Can you believe it's October? Where the hell has this year gone?

October is
Breast Cancer Awareness Month...

Domestic Violence Awareness Month

Columbus Day (why are we celebrating the man who helped bring syphillis to this country?)

It's also National Infertility Awareness month and SIDS (Sudden Infant Death) Awareness Month. It's also Pharmacist's Month...Thank you pharmacists for giving us drugs!

We've got a couple birthdays this month and I start my job in a few weeks. What do you have going on this month?

Guilty *language warning*

A man was found guilty this afternoon of first-degree intentional homicide. Last spring he beat her and shoved a candy dish down his wife's throat, killing her. He says she came after him with a paring knife, and he shoved the dish down to shut her up. Funny how in the days before she died, he was asking about life insurance money. The jury deliberated for about 90 minutes.

Another fucker off the streets. Hoo-ray!

Domestic Violence

Currently, there are about 500 open cases through our county's District Attorney office. In 2006, the local agency, that assists and supports victims of violence, served a total of 3307 clients. The Domestic Abuse Program specifically helped 2368 women, 147 children, and 209 men. The staff took 13,000 crisis calls and had 222 residents in shelter. Over the last year there were three domestic violence related homicides in this county.

Nationally, every 3 minutes a woman is murdered by an intimate partner. Battering is the leading cause of injury to women 15-44. Women are statistically safer on the street than their own homes. 3-4 million women are abused every year in the US.

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What does this say about our society? Why do we continue to wonder why women just don't leave? Why do people turn their backs to this violence? Why isn't the outcry loud and unforgiving? Why do some men continue to believe they can treat their partners and children with so horribly? It must stop. There is no excuse for abuse.

Why do women stay in an abusive situation?
Number one, Fear. The retalitaion from the abuse can be horrible. Rather than put their life or their children's lives at risk, they stay. Another reason is Isolation. Most abusers isolate their partner from friends & family so they have no one to turn to for help. Thus, the woman stays. Quite often, the abuser is the primary money maker, leaving the victim without a means of financial dependence. When you have no money to escape, the only option is to stay. Many times, a victim of abuse knows that showing signs that they may leave will trigger an attack by the abuser.
If the victim was raised in an abusive environment, they are more likely to stay than someone who wasn't. They learn that violence is a means of resolution in general.

What can I do?
Be supportive. Listen and don't judge. Help your loved one get help from agencies/services that can offer assistance. Remember that the the survivor did not cause this to happen, place the blame and anger where it belongs...on the abuser. Remember that your loved one is a "person" who has been abused; they are not damaged, but given the opportunity can thrive and be independent. Please do not tell the survivor what & what not to do. Decisions to report, etc are solely theirs. Do not tell anyone else about the abuse unless they tell you it's okay. Don't ask for specific details, they may not be ready to share.

The abuser
Don't not believe that the abuser simply lost control and did not realize what they were doing. Why are the bruises and other signs of abuse in less noticeable places, such as the stomach or the lower back? If losing control were the issue, there would be more DV related homicides if he was unaware of his actions.

Male victims
Yes, there are women out there who abuse their male partners. It does happen. Think of how difficult it is for a woman to leave the abusive relationship. And now think of a man in an abusive relationship. Many laugh at the idea of a man being abused by a woman, so what is he supposed to do? Fear of ridicule from others is powerful. Just because the overwhelming majority of abuse victims are female, does not mean that some males do not suffer as well.

If you are a victim of abuse, know that you are not alone. There are people there to help you.

Celebration of Women

Last evening, an event called Celebration of Women was held to raise awareness and money for a local organization that offers support to vicitims of domestic and sexual violence. The 2nd annual Celebration of Women is a treat as you are entertained by belly dancers from our region. Tribes from Minneapolis and Milwaukee made the trip, as well as more local tribes. For me, the highlight was seeing Trillium, a Milwaukee troupe, who were simply fantastic.

It must end

Domestic violence is a relationship between intimate partners in which one individual seeks to assert power and control over the other. Recently, more same-sex partners and male victims of violence perpetrated by women are reporting their victimization. The abuser may use many different types of abuse to assert this power. Domestic abuse involves physical, psychological, economic, and sexual abuse, as well as attempts to manipulate the victim through the use of his or her children. The abuser may also seek to isolate the victim from other people who may provide assistance.

In Wisconsin, one in every four women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime. You, or someone you know, is either a victim of abuse, has been, or will be. That is staggering. Where is the public outcry?

Some national statistics:
*5.3 million women are abused each year.
*85-95% of all domestic violence victims are female.
*Over 500,00 women are stalked by an intimate partner each year.
*1,232 women are killed each year by an intimate partner.
*Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women.
*Women are more likely to be attacked by someone they know rather than by a stranger.

State statistics:
*In 2005, there were 26,323 reported cases of domestic violence.
*In 2005, 34 incidents of homicides were a result of domestic violence in WI.


Information taken from:
http://www.ncadv.org/ National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
http://www.aidv-usa.com/Statistics.htm American Institue on Domestic Violence

Domestic Violence Awareness Month

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Visit the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence for more information.

It Must Stop

In 18 months, our community has had three homicides related to domestic violent situations. As I heard the news of another murder this week, my heart fell. I am sad and angry. I am devastated that some in this community are focusing on the wrong issues. The issue is not cultural, the issue is violence.

I am planning on hitting the topic of domestic violence pretty good during the month of October so I won't go into alot of the stats and whatnot for now.

So many people ask why the woman hasn't left. It doesn't matter. People need to ask why he thinks it's okay to abuse his partner. Until that becomes the primary question, things are not changing the way they need to change. It's time for people to step up and take action.

If you know someone who is being abused by their partner, just be there for them. Don't judge or tell them what to do. Let them know you are there for them whenever they may need you. Never ask why they stayed. Victims do what they need to do to get through the situation the best they can. Please don't judge their actions or lack of actions as you see it.

I applaud the hard work and efforts of the people who work to help victims of domestic and sexual violence. What you do takes heart, courage, and strength. What you do is so important and means so much to the people who need your help. Thank you!