I am trying very hard not to judge someone today, or over the last few days. What I think this person is doing is completely irresponsible and is putting her life and the lives of her children at risk. I know it's not my place to judge, and therefore while the situation makes me ill I'm doing my best to not condemn.
I'm really struggling with making sense of the situation and how it affects me.
Thursday, December 6, 2007
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Believe, SA rant
I came across someone talking about how they didn't believe a rape victim. It upset me, so now I'm blogging about it. Lucky you.
Sexual assault is a crime. It is an intentional act that uses force, threat or abuse of authority. It covers rape, oral or anal sex, inappropriate touching, or the attempt to do these things. Discrimination does not exist with sexual assault--a victim may be any gender, race, age, or relation to their attacker. Anyone can be sexually assaulted, regardless of their social class, economic class, or lifestyle.
Rape is an act of violence, it's not an impulsive or uncontrollable passionate act. Most victims of sexual assault KNOW their perpetrator. No one "asks" or "deserves" to be assaulted, it doesn't matter how they dress or if the attacker thinks the victim asked for it. A victim who does not fight back is not consenting to the act, they are trying to be safe.
Statistics show that false reports make up about 2% of all reports. This is the same false report rate as other kinds of felonies. Most women who are reporting a rape are not trying to get even or get back at the man. Sexual assault is a violation of a person's body. The victim may feel humiliated, degraded, and may fear for her life. (*I say her as most victims are female, so don't be making comments about how men are victims too, I know that I used to work as an advocate for sexual assault victims)
Believe someone when they share this painful experience. The doubters are out there, and it's unfortunate that victims have to suffer additional trauma by not being believed. React the same way you would if they told you they were ill with some awful condition. It may be uncomfortable for you to discuss, but think about what she's going through and how difficult it is for her to share. Acknowledge and accept her feelings, don't deny them. Never blame them.
Victims of sexual assault can be affected in different ways. While each person is unique, there are many common feelings. Most victims are shocked and can't believe this happened to them. They may be angry, sad, depressed, afraid. It's okay for them to feel this way. Never tell a victim that what they are feeling is wrong.
There are some awesome people out there who can help someone who has been a victim of sexual assault. Check out the local agency near you for support or information. Or seeing a counselor is helpful for many as well.
Remember that as this person moves forward they may be a victim of this horrible act, they are a strong, courageous person.
Sexual assault is a crime. It is an intentional act that uses force, threat or abuse of authority. It covers rape, oral or anal sex, inappropriate touching, or the attempt to do these things. Discrimination does not exist with sexual assault--a victim may be any gender, race, age, or relation to their attacker. Anyone can be sexually assaulted, regardless of their social class, economic class, or lifestyle.
Rape is an act of violence, it's not an impulsive or uncontrollable passionate act. Most victims of sexual assault KNOW their perpetrator. No one "asks" or "deserves" to be assaulted, it doesn't matter how they dress or if the attacker thinks the victim asked for it. A victim who does not fight back is not consenting to the act, they are trying to be safe.
Statistics show that false reports make up about 2% of all reports. This is the same false report rate as other kinds of felonies. Most women who are reporting a rape are not trying to get even or get back at the man. Sexual assault is a violation of a person's body. The victim may feel humiliated, degraded, and may fear for her life. (*I say her as most victims are female, so don't be making comments about how men are victims too, I know that I used to work as an advocate for sexual assault victims)
Believe someone when they share this painful experience. The doubters are out there, and it's unfortunate that victims have to suffer additional trauma by not being believed. React the same way you would if they told you they were ill with some awful condition. It may be uncomfortable for you to discuss, but think about what she's going through and how difficult it is for her to share. Acknowledge and accept her feelings, don't deny them. Never blame them.
Victims of sexual assault can be affected in different ways. While each person is unique, there are many common feelings. Most victims are shocked and can't believe this happened to them. They may be angry, sad, depressed, afraid. It's okay for them to feel this way. Never tell a victim that what they are feeling is wrong.
There are some awesome people out there who can help someone who has been a victim of sexual assault. Check out the local agency near you for support or information. Or seeing a counselor is helpful for many as well.
Remember that as this person moves forward they may be a victim of this horrible act, they are a strong, courageous person.
18 months
Phoenix turned 18 months over Thanksgiving. He saw the pedi last week. He weighs in just over 21 lbs and is looking good. We took him in for some 18 month photos this past week too, and we got 4 cute shots before he lost interest.
Funky Winter Pics
Ice crystals forming on the outside front door
Our Christmas lights through the same door, after having it open and the ice melting
Beautiful snowfall
Our Christmas lights through the same door, after having it open and the ice melting
Beautiful snowfall
Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow
I believe we ended up in the 6-7 inch snowfall range, but I never saw an exact report for how much our area was graced with.
The start of the snowfall, about 12noon
The next three are us having the kids outside about 3:30 that afternoon.
And the next morning.
The start of the snowfall, about 12noon
The next three are us having the kids outside about 3:30 that afternoon.
And the next morning.
Monday, December 3, 2007
Cannot Do Without
I love to read. I'll read pretty much whatever I can get my hands on, and can easily finish a 600 page book within a day or two if I really, really am enthralled with it. Often, I cannot put the book down and take it everywhere I go, so if the chance comes to read a page or two I can. It's painful to put the book down when I'm so involved though.
I love to revisit previously read books, and thus my obsession with hardcovers. If I buy a book in paperback and fall in love with it, I've been known to purchase it in hardcover and give the paperback away. I'm currently re-reading Lord of the Rings. I needed something to read and I figured the trilogy would keep me busy for a while. Plus nothing was jumping out at me when I popped by the bookstore.
Reading 2-3 books at a time has also happened. When I do this, the books are typically of a different genre so I don't confuse things. I do this most often if a book gets boring. I'll put it down to read something else and end up simultaneously reading both.
I read fiction, non-fiction, autobiographies, etc. Pretty much anything. My guilty pleasure if historical romance. I call them my "fluff" books as they don't require my brain to think much. ;) I can simply enjoy a quick read where things end well and love conquers all. I particularly enjoy a Regency era novel.
In the last year I was recommended two separate book series, but just hadn't picked them up. The first was the Inheritance Trilogy, namely the first book Eragon. I can't tell you how many times I picked up the book at the store only to put it back down. I wasn't sure if I'd like it or not. So, I saw the movie last December and went right out to purchase the book. Hands down, book is better as usual. Then I had to get the second book in the series. Wonderful again. The second series that came highly recommended is the Twilight Series by Stephanie Meyer. Talk about non-stop reading! I couldn't be parted with these books. For both series, I'm anxiously awaiting the next piece of work.
I'm also a Harry Potter fan. (Again, one of those recommmened series, but didn't read until the 3rd book came out) For me, HP is a super quick, easy read. I've read and reread them all. Except the last book. I read that immediately after it's release, but can't bring myself to read it again. I'm not sure what my issue is, but I've tried to pick it back up and just can't. I think I'm having acceptance issues that it's all over. No more HP books. HP7 is on my list to read after I finish LOTR, so we'll see how it goes.
I cannot imagine not reading for pleasure. It's truly one of my most favorite things to do. Crankiness settles in if I don't allow myself at least a few minutes to read each day, especially before bed.
My love for books goes back as far as I can recall. When I was younger, my mom would think I'd be asleep at night only to find me so overtired in the mornings. Until she figured out that I was reading under my covers with a flashlight.
Walking into a bookstore for me is like a child walking into a toy or candy store. So many choices, my brain goes into overload. I'm at peace when I step inside. I don't often leave without a purchase.
I love the smell of a new book, the crispness of the pages, the creak of the binding when first opened. Reading is a gift I treasure.
One of the most important things to me as a parent is to pass along the love of the written word. I'm estatic that both kids love books. They have their own bookshelf which is filled to the brim. I love to hear quiet and wonder where they are, only to find them on the floor in front of the bookshelf surrounded by books.
This love and devotion of reading is not always understood by my husband, but he's recently picked up a book again and has fallen under it's spell. More often then not, I find him reading before bed rather than watching television.
Reading is a passion. It's simply like breathing for me. I can't do without it.
I love to revisit previously read books, and thus my obsession with hardcovers. If I buy a book in paperback and fall in love with it, I've been known to purchase it in hardcover and give the paperback away. I'm currently re-reading Lord of the Rings. I needed something to read and I figured the trilogy would keep me busy for a while. Plus nothing was jumping out at me when I popped by the bookstore.
Reading 2-3 books at a time has also happened. When I do this, the books are typically of a different genre so I don't confuse things. I do this most often if a book gets boring. I'll put it down to read something else and end up simultaneously reading both.
I read fiction, non-fiction, autobiographies, etc. Pretty much anything. My guilty pleasure if historical romance. I call them my "fluff" books as they don't require my brain to think much. ;) I can simply enjoy a quick read where things end well and love conquers all. I particularly enjoy a Regency era novel.
In the last year I was recommended two separate book series, but just hadn't picked them up. The first was the Inheritance Trilogy, namely the first book Eragon. I can't tell you how many times I picked up the book at the store only to put it back down. I wasn't sure if I'd like it or not. So, I saw the movie last December and went right out to purchase the book. Hands down, book is better as usual. Then I had to get the second book in the series. Wonderful again. The second series that came highly recommended is the Twilight Series by Stephanie Meyer. Talk about non-stop reading! I couldn't be parted with these books. For both series, I'm anxiously awaiting the next piece of work.
I'm also a Harry Potter fan. (Again, one of those recommmened series, but didn't read until the 3rd book came out) For me, HP is a super quick, easy read. I've read and reread them all. Except the last book. I read that immediately after it's release, but can't bring myself to read it again. I'm not sure what my issue is, but I've tried to pick it back up and just can't. I think I'm having acceptance issues that it's all over. No more HP books. HP7 is on my list to read after I finish LOTR, so we'll see how it goes.
I cannot imagine not reading for pleasure. It's truly one of my most favorite things to do. Crankiness settles in if I don't allow myself at least a few minutes to read each day, especially before bed.
My love for books goes back as far as I can recall. When I was younger, my mom would think I'd be asleep at night only to find me so overtired in the mornings. Until she figured out that I was reading under my covers with a flashlight.
Walking into a bookstore for me is like a child walking into a toy or candy store. So many choices, my brain goes into overload. I'm at peace when I step inside. I don't often leave without a purchase.
I love the smell of a new book, the crispness of the pages, the creak of the binding when first opened. Reading is a gift I treasure.
One of the most important things to me as a parent is to pass along the love of the written word. I'm estatic that both kids love books. They have their own bookshelf which is filled to the brim. I love to hear quiet and wonder where they are, only to find them on the floor in front of the bookshelf surrounded by books.
This love and devotion of reading is not always understood by my husband, but he's recently picked up a book again and has fallen under it's spell. More often then not, I find him reading before bed rather than watching television.
Reading is a passion. It's simply like breathing for me. I can't do without it.
Saturday, December 1, 2007
Gift Idea
During the month of December, a fellow preeclampsia survivor will be having a sale to benefit the Preeclampsia Foundation. Her daughter, Kelsi was born 4 months early because of severe Pre-eclampsia 23 weeks into her pregnancy. She was born at 24 weeks on Dec. 30th. She lived only 2 1/2 days and died in her mother's hands on Jan. 1st, 2005.
This December Kelsi would have been 3 years old. Melissa has made angels in her honor and will donate the proceeds to the Preeclampsia foundation. So, from December 1st to January 1st (Kelsi's Angel Date) she will donate 50% of the sale of ALL angels sold.
Melissa can make some into small ornaments, or other custom orders. The angels can be customized with birthstone crystals as well. Contact her for more information. And visit Kelsi's Closet Jewelbox for more information and to view Melissa's lovely jewelry.
Thank you!
This December Kelsi would have been 3 years old. Melissa has made angels in her honor and will donate the proceeds to the Preeclampsia foundation. So, from December 1st to January 1st (Kelsi's Angel Date) she will donate 50% of the sale of ALL angels sold.
Melissa can make some into small ornaments, or other custom orders. The angels can be customized with birthstone crystals as well. Contact her for more information. And visit Kelsi's Closet Jewelbox for more information and to view Melissa's lovely jewelry.
Thank you!
Winter has arrived
It started snowing about 10am this morning, and it's just getting heavier. They are calling for up to 11" here. I'm working on getting some photos up.
Nice
So, I was taking a peek at the Site Meter that I have set for my blog and came across an interesting visit. Someone in Qatar was searching on Google for "feet torture" and my blog popped up as the third result. Someone from an American AOP site was searching "feet poop" and came across my site as the first result. The torture post was about participating in the Fantasy Football league live draft, and the feet/poop post covered a few entries where I spoke of diapers and Poop on a Pogo Stick. And with feet being in my blog title, they came across me.
Fucking bizarre.
Fucking bizarre.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
What time is it?
The kids got up waaaayyy too early this morning. Ariana crawled her way into our bed around 5:30am and then proceeded to wiggle like a worm for the next 30 minutes. Then at 6am, Phoenix made his presence known.
Ugh, I remember the days of sleeping in, pre-kids, fondly.
Ugh, I remember the days of sleeping in, pre-kids, fondly.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Sperm Donor
I do not know my biological father (aka, sperm donor). I have zero contact with him or his family. My mom became pregnant when she was a teen and let's just say that things did not go well with sperm donor. He's an ass. And not just because he didn't want anything to do with me. He was horrible to my mother, the things he said were awful. Could it have been simply teenage stupidity? Sure, but not something I can forgive.
Not having a father was never a big issue for me. It was just my reality. The first memory I have of feeling badly about it was at a summer thing for dairy month at the library and I was with my cousins. The newspaper had taken our photo and was getting our parents names. When they asked for mine, I said my mom's name. And when they asked for my dad's name, one of my cousins replied that I didn't have a dad. I can still remember that moment clearly. I can remember how the sun was filtering through the trees and the sweet taste of ice cream on my lips from moments before. I remember the odd feeling I had as I contemplated me not having a dad.
I admit I didn't have a life shattering reaction and really haven't at all in my almost 32 years. But a seed was planted. A leaf of doubt would pop out over the years, but I still have nowhere near a full-fledged plant even today. I won't give him the credit. I learned his first name eventually, and that he wasn't a real good person. I knew my life would have been completely different if he would have been involved in my life. Upon meeting my husband, we discovered that sperm donor's mother babysat for my husband when he was a small child as they lived across the street from them. What a small fucking world, huh?
I don't know if I've been in denial of the sense of loss or what. I've never really gotten pissed-off angry about it either. How do I know if I'm denying those feelings or I just don't care?
In the long run, I have a wonderful dad (step-dad) who has been simply wonderful to my mother and I. He is my true dad in every sense of the word. He cares about me in a way that I've never been graced with. (And if it says anything at all, I'm crying now that I write about him, not sperm donor). He was there to support me with whatever I did, is proud of my accomplishments, etc. One of my best memories is being in high school and having a boyfriend break up with me. I was heartbroken and wanted to go over to my girlfriends house. He wouldn't let me drive myself, so he drove me over and picked me up. All while listening to me attempting not to cry. I love my dad. I remember the love I felt as he walked me down the aisle on my wedding day. The pride he had when he held his grandchildren for the first time. That man is a godsend to my mother and I.
I can't imagine sperm donor ever being like that. What kind of person just passes on his child? It's disconcerting to know that I have this other biological family residing in the same town. A few years back I was contemplating contacting them as I felt as I needed some medical history from them, but I chose not to go there. I wonder if they saw my engagement and wedding announcement, my children's birth announcements. Do they ever think about me?
I believe I've just accepted that sperm donor is an asshole and have chosen to move on with my life. But I still occasionally wonder, I can't help it.
Not having a father was never a big issue for me. It was just my reality. The first memory I have of feeling badly about it was at a summer thing for dairy month at the library and I was with my cousins. The newspaper had taken our photo and was getting our parents names. When they asked for mine, I said my mom's name. And when they asked for my dad's name, one of my cousins replied that I didn't have a dad. I can still remember that moment clearly. I can remember how the sun was filtering through the trees and the sweet taste of ice cream on my lips from moments before. I remember the odd feeling I had as I contemplated me not having a dad.
I admit I didn't have a life shattering reaction and really haven't at all in my almost 32 years. But a seed was planted. A leaf of doubt would pop out over the years, but I still have nowhere near a full-fledged plant even today. I won't give him the credit. I learned his first name eventually, and that he wasn't a real good person. I knew my life would have been completely different if he would have been involved in my life. Upon meeting my husband, we discovered that sperm donor's mother babysat for my husband when he was a small child as they lived across the street from them. What a small fucking world, huh?
I don't know if I've been in denial of the sense of loss or what. I've never really gotten pissed-off angry about it either. How do I know if I'm denying those feelings or I just don't care?
In the long run, I have a wonderful dad (step-dad) who has been simply wonderful to my mother and I. He is my true dad in every sense of the word. He cares about me in a way that I've never been graced with. (And if it says anything at all, I'm crying now that I write about him, not sperm donor). He was there to support me with whatever I did, is proud of my accomplishments, etc. One of my best memories is being in high school and having a boyfriend break up with me. I was heartbroken and wanted to go over to my girlfriends house. He wouldn't let me drive myself, so he drove me over and picked me up. All while listening to me attempting not to cry. I love my dad. I remember the love I felt as he walked me down the aisle on my wedding day. The pride he had when he held his grandchildren for the first time. That man is a godsend to my mother and I.
I can't imagine sperm donor ever being like that. What kind of person just passes on his child? It's disconcerting to know that I have this other biological family residing in the same town. A few years back I was contemplating contacting them as I felt as I needed some medical history from them, but I chose not to go there. I wonder if they saw my engagement and wedding announcement, my children's birth announcements. Do they ever think about me?
I believe I've just accepted that sperm donor is an asshole and have chosen to move on with my life. But I still occasionally wonder, I can't help it.
Self Journey
Lately, I've been posting more "fluff" items and not really any deep issues. There's a reason for it, but it's one that I won't be going into anytime soon. But what I am going to aim to do is to work on my self journey. There are things in my life that I need to deal with / flesh out / accept / etc.
I'm a pretty fairly open person with many things (obviously, I have this blog), but when it comes right down to my inner self I don't share that. I have an extremely difficult time expressing my truest emotions and always have. To open up and share deep feelings is so painful for me. Painful is a way that I cannot find words to express. It's not painful in the sense that I have a lot of painful things that have happened, but it's painful to just plain open up. I hide a great deal of my emotions and am one of those "stuff the emotions" people. And I hate it. It's not particularly helpful, good for myself, or beneficial. It drives my husband crazy. He is one person I know I can count on to never judge me or criticize me for my feelings, but it's still amazingly difficult to share even with him.
It's something I want to work on. I don't like feeling this way and so I must tread forward.
I'm a pretty fairly open person with many things (obviously, I have this blog), but when it comes right down to my inner self I don't share that. I have an extremely difficult time expressing my truest emotions and always have. To open up and share deep feelings is so painful for me. Painful is a way that I cannot find words to express. It's not painful in the sense that I have a lot of painful things that have happened, but it's painful to just plain open up. I hide a great deal of my emotions and am one of those "stuff the emotions" people. And I hate it. It's not particularly helpful, good for myself, or beneficial. It drives my husband crazy. He is one person I know I can count on to never judge me or criticize me for my feelings, but it's still amazingly difficult to share even with him.
It's something I want to work on. I don't like feeling this way and so I must tread forward.
Monday, November 26, 2007
Two Things Survey
Got one of these surveys today and thought I'd post it here.
Two Names You go by:
1. Denise
2. Mom
Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1. Old Navy Jeans
2. charcoal grey scarf knitted by my grandma
Two Things You Would Want in a Relationship:
1. reliability
2. equality
Two of Your Favorite Things to do:
1. Play on the computer
2. Read books
Two Things You Want Very Badly At The Moment:
1. To lose about 25 lbs.
2. To go someplace warm
Two pets you had/have:
1. AJ the fish
2. Tasha (RIP)
Two things you did last night:
1. Caught up on last two weeks of Grey's episodes
2. talked my husband to sleep ;)
Two things you ate today:
1. DiGornio Garlic Bread Pepperoni Pizza (Yum)
2. Mallow Cup
Two people you last talked to on the phone:
1. Jason
2. client (I'm at work)
Two Things You're doing tomorrow:
1. Working
2. Folding laundry, specifically towels
Two longest car rides:
1. 1992, Florida trip
2. 1998 Colorado Springs trip
Two Favorite Holidays:
1. Halloween
2. Christmas
Favorite beverages
1. Fanta Orange
2. Crown Royale & Coke
People no longer alive who you'd like to talk to:
1. My grandfather
2. PT
Two Names You go by:
1. Denise
2. Mom
Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1. Old Navy Jeans
2. charcoal grey scarf knitted by my grandma
Two Things You Would Want in a Relationship:
1. reliability
2. equality
Two of Your Favorite Things to do:
1. Play on the computer
2. Read books
Two Things You Want Very Badly At The Moment:
1. To lose about 25 lbs.
2. To go someplace warm
Two pets you had/have:
1. AJ the fish
2. Tasha (RIP)
Two things you did last night:
1. Caught up on last two weeks of Grey's episodes
2. talked my husband to sleep ;)
Two things you ate today:
1. DiGornio Garlic Bread Pepperoni Pizza (Yum)
2. Mallow Cup
Two people you last talked to on the phone:
1. Jason
2. client (I'm at work)
Two Things You're doing tomorrow:
1. Working
2. Folding laundry, specifically towels
Two longest car rides:
1. 1992, Florida trip
2. 1998 Colorado Springs trip
Two Favorite Holidays:
1. Halloween
2. Christmas
Favorite beverages
1. Fanta Orange
2. Crown Royale & Coke
People no longer alive who you'd like to talk to:
1. My grandfather
2. PT
Riding the Bus
Well, she's off and riding. Ariana talked all morning about riding the bus today, and kept asking me if it was time for the bus to be at our home yet. I was so proud of her, she got right on. No issues whatsoever. I was nervous as last week, we hopped on the bus at school to show her the inside and she pulled the shy act on me. Today, she was full of confidence and excitement to see her friends. She didn't even want to say goodbye or give me a kiss, "Mom, I need to get to school." As the bus pulled away and I turned to walk back to the house, I couldn't help but tear up a little. My sweet baby girl is growing up.
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