Happy Birthday to me!

It's my birthday today!! Yikes, another year has come and gone. Where DOES the time go?

My Lil Artist

Okay, so she loves to draw with markers. This time her canvas was her face. What a goofball!

This morning she actually drew a smiley face on the back of her baby brother's head!! I was dying to laugh, but knew I had to disclipine her somewhat. Everyone else got to laugh right away when I told them about it. She was like, "It's okay mom. He's happy, see?!"

Crazy girl.

WOOHOO

Next week we're having a heat wave!!! The forecast is calling for highs in the mid 30s all week!!! It's short and t-shirt time!

Grey Hair

What is it about age 30 that brought about the grey hairs?? I know we have two kids now and life can be a bit harried at times, but come on! I have had grey hairs pop up once in a while for about a couple years now, and I'm not completely against them. But seriously, all of a sudden this last month or so they are everywhere! I look in the mirror and can spot one no problem.

Well, at least I've earned them. ;-) They are not impeding the color of my hair...yet. No dyeing for me.

Countdown to Magic!

Our next Walt Disney World vacation is planned! The kids will have their first taste of WDW next fall! I'm stoked that I get to plan another vacation! Coins & dollars are being saved for this trip, and Ariana is excited to have her own Disney bank to put her "spending" money into.

Let the planning commence! And plan I will, thanks to my trusty Passporter! (www.passporter.com) I highly recommend a Passporter guidebook for any Disney trip!

A dream of mine

I LOVE Wheel of Fortune. I have to admit that I'm pretty good at guessing puzzles too. Someday I would love to be on the gameshow and see if the wheel is lucky for me. A frustration of mine is when the puzzle is obvious and the contestant still buys a vowel. Hello? You just lost money! And I love it when the puzzle is almost complete and none of the people know what it is. You can always tell Pat thinks that is funny. The other night I think he was a bit exasperated that none of the contestants could figure out the puzzle. It was hilarious.

Anywho, so I dream of spinning the big wheel and winning the big prize puzzle.

The Invitation

I came across this poem over a year ago and recently found it again. I absolutely adore it and thought I'd share......

The Invitation
It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache forand if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing. It doesn’t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love for your dreamf or the adventure of being alive.It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon...I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain. I want to know if you can sit with pain mine or your own without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it. I want to know if you can be with joy mine or your own if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful to be realistic to remember the limitations of being human. It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true.I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithlessand therefore trustworthy. I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not prettyevery day. And if you can source your own life from its presence. I want to know if you can live with failure yours and mine and still stand at the edge of the lakeand shout to the silver of the full moon,“Yes.” It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children. It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back. It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains youf rom the inside when all else falls away. I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

© Mountaindreaming, from the book The Invitation published by HarperSanFrancisco, 1999 All rights reserved

Visit the website at: http://www.oriahmountaindreamer.com/home.html

Freezing Our Asses!

Thankfully the weather is turning warmer!! It was too damn cold here for too long of a time. We couldn't take Ariana outside to play and really just hated going outside, so we sat home. Now, that may be interesting for a day or two, but after a while cabin fever starts to hit. And hit it has. Jason and I are chomping at the bits to get out of this house. Of course, everyone is crabby and snapping at each other so it's quite the adventure. It's a good thing I love this guy. ;-) Seriously, I know it's been a while since we've had extended temps like this, and I do not want to enter into the global warming debate at this moment, but COME ON! I cannot wait for spring!

Growing Up

We got the letter last week. The one that allows us to register Ariana for 4yo kindergarten. She is growing up so fast. I can't believe she will be four this year. My little guppy is turning into a full-fledged girl. She is into dresses and make-up all of a sudden. I admit it's driving me a bit batty. She still is a daredevil, but she prefers to wear a dress while she's jumping off the couch or performing her "favorite" trick. It's amazing to see her grow and learn new things.

Facing Fears

Most people know that I was induced with Phoenix due to gestational hypertension. My pregnancy with him was wrought with fears and anxieties that many do not understand. Unless you've been through preeclampsia, and a subsequent pregnancy, you just can't know what it is like. So I was estatic to get my induction date; a date after which I didn't have to be anxious and fear the worst anymore. I had prepared myself for the worst and hoped for the best.

The day of his birth was a wondrous, and scary day. We were aware of the risks of induction and of preeclampsia, but when something happens you find out you weren't as prepared as you thought. What many do not know is that I was facing an emergency C-section due to a possible placental abruption. There is a strong association between placental abruption and preeclampsia. But it is something I never contemplated having to think about. A placental abruption is a serious condition in which the placenta partially or completely separates from the uterus before the baby's born. The condition can deprive the baby of oxygen and nutrients, and cause severe bleeding that can be dangerous to both mother and baby.

When it came time for my OB to break my water, he did so and the worries began. My amniotic fluid was blood tinged and the bleeding continued. He ran labs to see if they would reveal a placental abruption. During this time, Phoenix was starting to have slight deccelerations and a scalp monitor was placed to keep an eye on him. I had an OB nurse and an OB tech with me pretty much all the time from here on until birth. One was watching the monitor closely at most times. It got to the point where they started to prep me for a C/S. I had to remove my makeup (hey I wanted to look nice as I was pretty out of it for Ariana's birth) and was even shaved. I knew what a placental abruption was and what it could mean, but I knew Jason did not. So while I was starting to freak out, I knew I had to stay calm so I didn't cause him extra alarm. They brought scrubs for him to put on, but I knew that if things took a turn for the worst, he would not be allowed in the OR and I would be placed under anesthesia. So, I stuffed my fear and tried not to let it show.

So here I was thinking I had avoided a drama-filled labor & birth without having developed HELLP again. And I was facing something I didn’t even want to think of. There are mom’s on the Preeclampsia Foundation website who have lost their babies due to placental abruption and they all raced through my head that day. I was so afraid. Things eventually subsided somewhat and I was able to avoid the C/S. I progressed rather quickly at then end and things went well. I had my baby boy who was healthy, and my blood pressures were returning to normal. I refused to allow myself to think about what could have happened.

I hardly thought of that situation over the last months, but last Oct we were watching one of our favorite shows, ER. One of the characters, Abby, ended up with a placental abruption at around 30 weeks, I believe. The situations were different, but that triggered something in me. The two-part show covered the baby’s NICU stay and Abby’s recovery. I sat there with tears rolling down my face, silent with so many thoughts running through my head. Jason noticed I was crying and at first thought it was just because of the storyline. He soon found out that my fears had surfaced. I faced what I had been afraid of at that time and came to terms with it, somewhat.
Denial is such a powerful thing.

National Wear Red Day

Is tomorrow, Feb. 2nd!!! Please wear red to support the fight against heart disease!

You can find out more by visiting: http://www.goredforwomen.org/

As someone who has lost a family member to heart disease, and has others affected by heart disease, please lend your support. Love your heart!

Hot Under the Collar

This morning I got a bit hot under the collar in regards to a comment made by DH. I snapped back that he was being a snob, and then he was upset because I wasn't allowing him to have an opinion. I'm sorry I snapped, and we both are coming from different points of view here. The comment was about people who work at fast food joints, and that's all I'll go into.

Here's my thing. If you haven't been poor and lived not knowing where the money will come from to pay rent and buy groceries, then I have a very difficult time when people judge those who are living that way. Are some living that way because they prefer it? Sure, but let me assure you that it is not the life of luxury that some would make it sound like. Having to use food stamps (in those days anyway) and getting medical assistance to pay for doctor visits is not fun. I vividly remember paying with food stamps at the grocery store and the looks that the cashier or the person in line behind us would give my mom. I remember the blue paper card you had to give the medical receptionist for insurance and everyone knowing what that card was. It meant you were poor and couldn't afford health insurance or food on your own.

I've heard poeple say, "oh they can just go get a job" about someone on assistance. Well, it's not that simple. Many are women, mothers in fact. Well, there is the issue of daycare. They need money to get the kids into daycare, but can't pay for daycare until they have a job. And they can't work the job until they have daycare. And if they work at night, who will watch the kids. You have to find a nighttime sitter or daycare person. Maybe the person was laid off from their job. Maybe they had a major medical illness that bankrupted them or caused them to lose their job. Or what about the woman who has been a stay-at-home mom for years and something happens where she is on her own, she has no higher education possibly. Where does she start? Sometimes working at a fast food joint is all they can get. But you know what, they are working. Why does it matter where?

The first time I realized we were poor was when I was so excited to have gotten a new pair of jeans. Then when I got to school and was showing them off, someone asked where I got them from. See, they were purchased at Goodwill. And then I found out that other people don't buy clothes at Goodwill. What a memory, huh?

I grew up loved and cherished. I know that I was rich in so many other things, things that money could not buy. Money is not everything. Yes, it helps if you have it. And I enjoy being able to buy things for my kids that my mom couldn't buy for me when I was little. But what I want to pass on to my kids is that no matter where you come from, they are special and can do anything they want when they grow up. I want them to be proud of themselves and do good things for others. At a time in our society when "things" are important, I fear the loss of humanity at times. Being kind to another, simply smiling at someone can change that person's day.

So, if I get a bit hot under the collar when someone talks about "those" people in poverty, that's just how it is. My mom did everything she could to keep me clothed and fed, and eventually work her way off governmental assistance. The majority of individuals who need assistance may just need a helping hand to get back on their feet, who knows? You don't know their personal situation so please do not judge them.

I feel brain dead...

and I'm sure it's due to lack of sleep. ;-) The other night I lay awake thinking of all these things that I was going to type up. Well instead of just getting up and doing so, I continued to lay there just thinking. Morning came, and I can't remember what the hell I was going to write. I had it all planned out. ARGH!!!!

We have just over a week and the kiddos will be spending the night at grammy & papa's house! J and I can get some uninterrupted sleep!! Cel-e-bra-ta-tion, come-on! It's the little things that excite. ;-)

Seriously?

The other week I read an article discussing what some politicians thought of the current situation in Iraq. One noted individual, who I genuinely like, said something to the effect that if they knew then what they know now they would have voted against the war. Well duh! Who the heck wouldn't? I found the statement incredulous. For someone who I consider an intelligent person, I find the idea idiotic.

Most people know that I do not discuss politics with others, so this post is a new branch for me. I consider myself an independent, but do admit that I tend to lean to the left. That said, this is not an opening to continue political discussions where others can tell me my thinking is wrong. The reason I do not discuss politics is that while certain people claim they want an "open" dialogue, what ends up happening is my ideas and thoughts are criticized and said to be incorrect or deluded thinking. It's all in the perspective.

Happy Freakin' New Year

Well, our family rung in the New Year with sickness. All of us had something. Let's hope the rest of the year is full of good health.