Something new for fall

I'm hopping back on the healthier me train and decided to join the ladies over at The Sisterhood of the Shrinking Jeans. Each week, we weigh in and will be collecting food items for local pantries. Check it out if you are interested!

I got word that my cholesterol was back up (&@$K) and entering into my "mid 30's next year...I think this is the time. I can't put it off any longer. No more excuses. Well, I'm sure there will be some, but no lame excuses. I want to be able to actually run a full 5K. I know that's not a big thing for some, but it's pretty huge for me. I don't run. Well. At all. For the most part.

I may have bumps along the way and am not sure I can give up ALL soda, but I'm going to do my best. Wish me luck!

Another Year In

Today, Jason and I have been married for 11 years. The last couple years haven't been easy, especially this last one...but we've managed to work together to overcome the obstacles life has brought us. Communication has been key for us and has been something we've always felt was necessary, along with lots of belly shaking laughter. Marriage isn't always easy, some days it is a great deal of work. There are times when I've thought, I love you but I don't like you today. And that's okay. I'm not likeable at moments either. And later on, we laugh about those moments.

This man loves me. Loves me when I'm being stubborn and obstinate. Loves me when I need it the most, on the dark days. Loves me the way that I am; ugly feet, fat rolls, and all. He sees my crazy hair in the morning after awaking and tells me I'm beautiful.

He's not exactly perfect, well neither of us are. But he's mine. And the trials of life that we've traversed together have brought us closer together and made us that much stronger.

My dear Jason....I love you.

Nature

Some photos I took this weekend camping...I found all the rich greens very peaceful.

Miss Yellow Belt

Here are some photo's from graduation of the summer camp class for karate. Ariana went to her first "official" class and was given her yellow belt at the end of class. (no pics of that) She's lovin' it. And so are we.

This $7 contraption has saved our mornings. Literally. We have the kids set up with clothes for Mon-Fri, down to underwear & socks. Ariana picks out her own clothes each Sunday for the week and it has allowed the mornings to be much less painful. We had been picking out clothes the night before, but the process to that was excrutiatingly slow and then in the morning she'd change her mind. This system, however, has changed all that. She grabs her clothes out with no issues...getting dressed the first (or the second or third) time we ask still causes a slight bump....but that's to be expected.

Face Block

Ariana had the opportunity to try karate this summer while at camp. She loves it. Just hates the uniform. We're working on that, it's a source of frustration on everyone's part here lately. But....here are some photos from a class back on July 24th.

Master Likes remarks quite often that she is one of the strongest girls in class and she gets picked quite a bit to demonstrate her push-ups.





Look at that kick!



Completing basic form

Earning her second yellow stripe

I Must Confess

I have a serious addiction to books. I visited two bookstores this week and came home with 7 books. Although, they were all bargain-priced books so that saved me. The sense of peace and wonderment that comes over me when I walk into the bookstore....ah, I just cannot fully express. To smell an unopened book, it's pure heaven for me.

My bookshelf next to the bed is overflowing and I've got lots to read in the coming weeks. Life is good.

Camping Fun

We arrived home, weary and happy to be home, this afternoon. This camping trip was filled with....
*Pillows
*Cussing
*Slushies
*Cupcakes & Whipped Creme (those photos are fabulous!)
*and lots, lots more.



The first time out of many...

Getting ready to go mining

We interrupt the mining process for a boo-boo.






Swim time



A headful of sand, by his own doing.

Ariana on the jumping pillow (like a trampoline)



Chocolate Eating Contest....



Crabby face

A change in the heart

I love reading Mary Ann Radamacher’s work, and signed up for her “Phrase of the Day” that comes by email. It’s a small blip in the day, but one that most often makes me smile and thing about what the relevancy of the phrase is to my life and how to make changes for the better.

Today’s phrase is “Open the door to chance. whisper to forever, let s now go dance and leave the dishes for later.” And it touched my soul.

I have always tried to be a positive, glass half full, type of person. But I have lost connection with that over time, and I miss it. I hate being negative, I think it damages the mind and the soul. And this phrase today jarred me back into the the mindset I want to live in.

Lately, I’ve been so caught up in the To Do lists and the “shit, I forgot to do that” mode, I am not enjoying life. Hearing the tinkling music of my children’s peels of delight, feeling the belly shaking laughter bubble up and burst through my lips, and feeling the sunshine on my face with a warmth like no other. I have not fully appreciated those things and it makes me feel an emptiness inside that cannot be explained. The ache that tells me life can be more.

But no more.

I am take back joy, discovery, light-heartedness, and so much more. I must continue to strive to do better, to appreciate everything I have, and to work towards things that make me happy. I still may not have time enough to do everything on my list, but that’s okay. It will still be there tomorrow, and let’s be honest, the day after or next week when I finally get to it. I will accept that I am not superwoman and cannot do it all myself. I will ask for help when I need it. I will jump in the pool with my clothes on, and run through the sprinkler. And lay under the stars and make wishes.

We tell our children anything is possible. To reach for the stars, they can be whatever they want to be, to enjoy being children. I want to live by that motto as an adult yet too.

Page Turners

I've got about 4 books waiting to read on the shelf next to the bed, but I'm on the lookout for some goodies.....any suggestions?

Let down

I am so disappointed and pissed off at the moment.

Brighter Day

I feel so much better today.

Which end is up

I'm struggling right now. Struggling with everything it seems. I feel like I never have enough time in the day to finish what I want or need to get down, and if I have a free 30 minutes I'm so frickin' tired all I want to do is sit on my ass.

Going back to work has been a huge change for me and for our family. Things started out okay, then hit a major bump, got better and now I feel like it's off track again. Things are not working like they should and I just don't know what to do. I knew it was time for me to head back to work, and to be honest, we can't afford for me not to work anymore especially if we want to hit the big goals of a house, etc. I am having tremendous difficulty finding a balance and time management. I'm sucking majorly on all accounts. And if there is one thing to throw me into a tailspin it's repeated or lengthy failure. And that's where I've been lately.

I feel as if I'm failing with everything. Work, parenting, being a spouse, being a friend, etc. I am so overwhelmed at times, I have a minor meltdown and cry it out for a few minutes. I don't know how some people do it, they make life seem so effortless. And here I am struggling to clean my fucking toilet. Maybe people just pretend they are superhuman. I'm exhausted and angry with myself for not having willpower to stop eating chips & dip and actually get off my ass to exercise. I saw a billboard yesterday. One of those "Pass it on" posters, it had a guy who climbed Mt Everest. Blind. And I thought to myself, christ Denise. If this guy can climb a goddamn mountain blind, what the hell is wrong with you that you can't even walk a block for exercise. Just another twisted thought in my warped senses right now.

I had an ah-ha moment the other day when I figured out what's been eating at me for a few days now. Can't, or won't, talk about it here. But it makes sense and ultimately helps me work through it. I know this is something that is affecting me in a strong manner right now and I really need to just fucking deal with it. I thought I had, but apparently I haven't as well as I thought I did.

I've lost my mojo. I don't know what I have to do to get it back. I feel selfish taking time to do shit for myself, but I know that's how I recharge. The lack of communication at home right now is atrocious. We talk at each other, snipping and snapping, not talking with each other. I'm sure he doesn't feel supported and neither do I. I'm tired of being pissy. My positivity has flown the coop. And that has always been something that has stuck with me.

I will probably be taking a hiatus here for a bit while things work through. I'd love to vent and completely share, but there are eyes that read this that will judge and are too close family-wise. I've actually thought about stopping this blog or making it private as sometimes I feel like I can't be completely honest anymore without hurting someones feelings or pissing someone off. But I love my blog name too much to give it up. Maybe someday I can stop caring so much about what other people think and just don't give a damn. But until then....

Thank you guys for sticking with me while I've been MIA over the last how many months. I know I haven't been the best of bloggy buds with visiting everyone and commenting. But I love y'all.

Cha-cha-changes

The orange was driving me batty, so I'm back to a paler color. Working on another (better) photo)

New look?

I'm trying out some new colors, playing around some. Just because. The new photo is kinda gross now that I see it that blown up. My nail polish is chipping off. Hmm, maybe I'll shoot for a new photo this weekend. Sorry if feet gross you out.