Tis the Season

The gifts were aplenty this holiday season like usual. Okay, okay...so maybe there was a bit less spending going on for us and others. But it was a good Christmas overall. What did you haul in with your Santa bounty? Anything good? Anything you want to give back?

What about those gifts that you have to fake a smile when you open them? You know the ones, the gifts where you are thinking "What the fuck am I going to do with this?" I'm all about making sure the gift I get for someone is actually something they want (score one for gift lists even if people hate them). Giving a gift just to frickin' give one and knowing it's not something the receiver really wants is just tasteless in my book. I'd rather the gift not come at all. I'm not saying that I got any of "those" gifts this year, but a few have come across my lap a time or two.

The husband and I were just reminiscing about the first Christmas together and how I wanted a stepper. What I meant was that I wanted like a Reebok step, the one where it's really just a plastic box step you step up on for the workout video. The hubby (well, the boyfriend at that time) gave me this lovely stepper. Like a stepping machine without the handles, it was just the steps. I was like, "What the hell!!!" He returned it for something else. *wink*

But what happens to all those gifts that we get and don't really want? Are they destined to be re-gifted? I know, that's a whole nother topic. To be put in your summer garage sale? Donated to the nearest charity? Tell me, what happens to those gifts.

And how to do you make it known, as politely and as sneaky as possible, that you have some ideas on what to gift you for next year or your birthday? Especially when the giver thinks they've scored the perfect gift for you, only you are cringing on the inside.

Don't be afraid, I know we've all gotten at least one gift where we pondered how to best get rid of it. Do tell your gift secrets pretty please. I may take a collection of non-wanted gifts and send them to the best comment. Just kidding, I swear. or am I?

Happy Christmas

I want to wish each of you a wondrous holiday season and may your 2009 be brighter than this year. May your homes and hearts be filled with love, peace, and laughter over the coming days.

Random Facts

Alice tagged me with some random facts fun.

Here are the rules:

1) Link to the person who tagged you (see above)
2) Post the rules on your blog (copy and paste 1-6)
3) Write 6 random things about yourself
4) Tag 6 people at the end of your post and link to them
5) Let each person know they have been tagged and leave a comment on their blog
6) Let the tagger know when your entry is up.

Okay-dokay, here's my shit.

1. I hate the dark. As in, I freak out if I'm caught in the dark unawares. Seriously.
2. I can watch movies about serial killers and be fine, but cannot watch a horror movie without being scared out of my wits. I'd like to thank Freddie Kruger for that one. I saw it when I was younger and that night, slept with 7 blankets on so his damn bladed fingers couldn't reach me.
3. I really don't have a favorite color. If I was forced to pick one, I'd probably say green. Same for a favorite number, just don't have one.
4. I could eat pizza every day of the week and not be sick of it. I lurve me a slice of pie.
5. I prefer crunchy peanut butter, and only Skippy. Yes, I'm a brand snob when it comes to PB.
6. I have a pink cell phone. If you know me and my abhorrence for pink, this is a shocker. But it was black or pink, and Jason picked the black one. Figured it would be easier to tell our phones apart if I went with the pink.

And I pass this bloggy fun over to....

Dawn at Brownie Blog
Niki at My Journey to Myles & Beyond
Jen at Team Killion
Rachel at Those Crazy Vivians
Amy at On The Move With Us
Lisa at Where Does Time Go

have fun ladies. I enjoy reading each one of you!

4th Folder, 4th Photo

The lovely mumma boo x2 tagged me with a photo meme. I’m supposed to find the fourth photo in the fourth folder of my photo file.

So here goes.....

Oh wait. I can't show that one.

Just kidding.



Phoenix likes to ride the Sit & Spin on his belly. It's quite hilarious to watch.

I am not passing this one along as I think it's running it course. But if you haven't done it yet, you are now invited to do so!

Let It Snow

I fall in the camp of having to fully wipe off my vehicle before I leave my parking spot. It drives me nuts to have snow or ice on the front window yet. But I know that many, many drivers fall into the "turn on my wipers and go" or "scrap a 6x6" hole in the frost and go" camp. I shake my head each time when I see it. How is that safe? Anywho, Jason mentioned last night that he saw a driver who did not wipe off their back window. Fine. What made him comment about it was that the person had a wiper on the back of their window. Now, that's about the laziest driver there is. Unable to hit the button to turn on the wiper....wow. Of course, maybe their wiper is broken perhaps. Or maybe not. In my little world, I think they're just being a lazy ass.

Which camp to do fall in?

sigh

Sometimes husbands suck.

I had one fricking drink (and starting a second) when he called tonight. I caught him "off guard" and he's acting all wierd about it. I've had like two drinks the entire time I've been here at training, it's not like I'm boozing each night.

sigh. I guess I don't see the big deal.

Oh No You Didn't...

I was about ready to throw down minutes ago. My roomie is watching Jon & Kate plus 8 and Kate is talking about how she is a nurse...when my roomie shouts "Oh no you're f'ing not!" Yes, shouts it. I'm like, what? She then says, "You are a fucking stay at home mom, not a nurse." The look of incredulation(is that a word?) on my face must have been strong as the roomie states, "well, she's been at home for how many years. Doesn't she have to keep up with classes and stuff?" Roomie is also bitching about how Kate is "such a brat sometimes." Take a look in the mirror, sweetheart. You might learn something.

I chose to laugh with a hint of "shut your hole" and ignore it. But hell, the urge to strongly discuss this topic with her and give her 22 year old ass a little education is there.

So, my lovely stay at home moms.....what do you think of that? I can say that while I occasionally said "I'm just a SAHM" and felt like all I did was wipe snot and ass, I still valued my education and experiences. What's your take?

LMAO

A friend shared this with me earlier in the week and it's become the catch phrase of the week. It's juvenile (aren't the best jokes always juvenile?) and to us, hilarious.
SNL Short Clip ~ Jizz in my Pants

Over The Shoulder Boulder Holders

I was looking at new bras the other day and man, oh, man....does bra shopping suck. It's torture, plain and simple. New bras at the store are scratchy and honestly a litle disgusting when you think about someone trying it on before you. One hopes the person didn't have boobie cooties. Different brands are different sizes, some have thinner straps and then dig into your skin more, etc. What an ordeal. The best feeling is to slip back into your old, ratty, used-to-be-white bra, even if it's all streched out. It's like that old pair of shoes you can't get rid of because they are just so damn comfortable. I usually keep a bra until the underwire breaks. Even if it's grey and dingy now. I guess "sweets & treats" will just have to wait another day for a new holder.

End of Hot For the Holidays

I've been holding the status quo at - 3 pounds. Nothing more in the last weeks. I suppose it might have something to do with the fact that I eat out every night during the week when I'm gone for training. I'm excited about my job, but man it's thrown me off my mojo. I'm crossing my fingers for another round at Christie's to give myself a good setup come the new year.

Muzak

I'm trolling for some new tunes...it's been forever since I got any CD's. And I'm wanting to list some on a gift list. ;)

So, what are you listening to? What can't you do without? Recommendations?

I pretty much listen to almost anything.

And along with this, what is the most embarrassing album you've ever owned. Mine would probably have to be O-Town.

My Feel Good Story of Today

I logged onto the pre-e web forum this morning and one of the members shared a story about how his family members felt like baking yesterday and ended up making goodies to sell at a family members auto shop. They made $125 to donate to the organization in his daughter's name, who died from preeclampsia a few years ago. His granddaughter survived. It was a total surprise to him when they called asking for PF materials. The kind of surprise that just warms the heart. They are planning on holding another sale nearer to Christmas.

Just had to share as it made me feel good this morning to read that. They knew how important the pre-e cause is to him and how much he and his wife do for it, and they helped raise awareness and some funds. That's pretty darn AWEsome.

Happy Thanksgiving

I meant to do this yesterday, but didn't get around to it. I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Us, ours was okay. Ariana has pink eye, again. We're crossing fingers that Phoenix doesn't pick it back up. So, we cancelled our dinner plans and spent a good portion of the day disinfecting our home. We did get the tree up last evening and took a short joyride to see some Christmas lights, and to laugh at the bozo's lining up at Best Buy. (couldn't resist)

For the obligatory thankfulness, here is what I'm thankful for at the moment:
-family
-a husband who means more to me than words can say
-healthy children (which I hope mine will be soon)
-a roof over our heads
-a really frickin' awesome job
-friends who stick by even when I go "in the dark" with communcation (sorry peeps!)
-that my friends & family are healthy and safe

What about you?

Time Management

Not going so well. Obviously, I've been MIA here. I'm flailing at the whole balance thing, and I have a feeling I will until I'm done with the out of town training gig. I was sick all last week, so not a lot of puter time there. And then this last week...whew. I suck at doing extracurricular online. I hop on Facebook and that's about my limit.

Working mom....does this get easier? Or will I forever feel like I'm running behind and growing grey hairs every second?

Funny this morning

Ariana was tattling on Phoenix this morning (gosh, does that ever end?) and I told her she needed to stop being a sheriff. She replies, "Mom, I'm just practicing being a grown up."

Fuck Me

I'm tired of being sick. And I miss home. Can you tell I'm a tad on the whiney side? My kids were sick all weekend, I've been sick since Monday, and now Jason is getting sick. Ya-fucking-whoo. As much as I miss home, I do hang my head when I think "thank god I'm not home this week". Real nice, huh. It seems I've got a major case of the "fuck it's" today.

Out to Eat

I was out for dinner this evening and of course, there was a bottle of ketchup on the table. What I'm wondering is there a difference for restaurants between normal ketchup and fancy ketchup? Catsup is catsup, isn't it?

Favorite Quotes

I love reading new quotes and would love to hear yours. So tell me, what is YOUR favorite quote?

Mine is.... "A day without laughter is a wasted day."

Photo Tag

I've been tagged by Robyn at It's Just One of Those Days

Here's what I have to do...
1) Choose the 4th picture folder on my computer
2) Choose the 4th picture
3) Explain the picture
4) Tag 4 other people

Here's my photo:

Bear in mind that I'm working off my laptop which doesn't have hardly any photos in it....


This is a photo of myself and the kids the day we left for MKE to get ready to go to Disney. We are THIS excited to go!

I tag:
Dawn at Brownie Blog
Jen at Unique But Not Alone
Lisa at Where Does Time Go
Amy at On The Move With Us

An Award

A fellow blogger, friend, and PE mom gifted me a blog award. Thanks Lori (over at House of Tafka) I also received it from another blogger, dearest mommy boo x2. Thanks ladies!!



In order to receive my award, I have to post six things that make me happy.....so here goes. (in no particular order)

1. My family -- seriously, could I laugh harder and love more? Nope, not with my crew.

2. Cheesy Pretzel Pieces and Chips & Dip -- Okay, all food could go under here, but those are my FAVE snacks. And they are my comfort foods, so of course they make me happy.

3. Disney -- duh, if you know me, you know this is on my list. Specifically Walt Disney World. The feeling of pure joy and magic comes over me when I cross through the gates.

4. Internet -- quite honestly, I think I would go through serious withdrawl without it. I would die. For real. I'm being serious. Really. I LURVE it.

5. Reading -- let's me just say this, if I go too many days without a good book, I'm not a happy person. I feel out of sorts and crave reading. Ask my husband, he can tell you. I don't want to say I'm bitchy without it, but reading to me is such a joy and like breathing to me. It's something I simply must do.

I've got to pass this along to other bloggers I find creative in their bloggy style. And the award goes to.....

Christie @ Baby Tea Leaves -- lady, you make me laugh. Out loud. I love your peep shows too.

Kate @ Mother Words -- someone who inspires me to be a better writer

Jen @ Unique But Not Alone -- another who awes me with her eloquent words

(*sorry, I'm having puter issues and can't get links to work. argh!)

Thank You

Just want to give a quick shout out to all our veterans today, and to those whom serve our country now. Thank you.

Survivor, My Edition

I was thinking about it over the weekend....what foods items or luxury items couldn't you live without if you were stranded on an island, like in Survivor?

.........my answers will come soon.

I'm Feeling Old

I have decided to not discuss anything much work related on the blog to protect my job, but this is more personal issues than work related. And I really need to vent it out.

So, I'm in training for the new job and part of that has me out of town, living out of my suitcase Sun night-Fri. With a roomie. Who's 9 years younger than I. Need I say more?

Oh my fucking god, do I feel old. I've always been a homebody. I'd much rather stay home and read or watch a movie than head out to the bars. According to the roomie, this makes me "no fun." Or rather when I give another lame excuse for not going out, I hear "that's no fun." I finally came out and said point blank that I've got a family to talk about, think about, along with other work, etc. I'm in a bit of a different place than you are, yadda yadda, yadda. And all that bullshit.

Can we just accept that we have a different way of enjoying ourselves and that's totally alright. Please.

One the Eve

To my children,

Tomorrow, this country will elect it's 44th President of the United States. This election holds something special for this country. We have an African American as a Presidential candidate and a female as a VP candidate. How freakin' cool is that?! I am awed that it has taken this long to get either as a top candidate. Mystified and in some ways disappointed. We've come so far, but still have such a long way to go. Voting is a priviledge, and one each citizen should take advantage of. Be an educated voter and select a candidate for the reasons that matter to you, not just because of a party affiliation.

I had planned to take you to vote with me on Tuesday, and to take our photos at the polling place together. Something that you could look back on in 10, 20, or 30 years and say "Hey, I was there the day history was made." I had to vote early and I am sad about not being able to share that moment. I know we could have done a better job of perhaps talking more about the election process, but it's hard to know what a five year old can understand sometimes. And things I tried to explain to you, you didn't seem to understand. But then you came home from school with knowledge on voting. Excellent. We've taken you along to vote when you were babes and were not aware of what was going on. I hope that in the years to come, you show interest in voting, and caring about what goes on in this country.

I read a quote in the paper this morning that read, "Plan for the future because that's where you are going to spend the rest of your life" by Mark Twain. I hope we can show you in the coming years that yes, your opinion matters. Even if you think it doesn't, trust me it does. It's okay to be passionate about what you believe in. And still respect and be respectful of others with differing opinions. The thing is when you vote, no matter who you vote for, there are several millions other voters who voted for the other candidate. And that's okay. I hope when you are old enough to vote, differences are discussed rationally and not made with accusatsion. Which is something I feel this country has lost along the way in recent years.

I hope when you turn 18 and can vote in your first election, you are as excited as I was for that first "biggie" election. I still find it just as exciting today. We are able to be part of a process that concerns this country. What an awesome life opportunity.

I hope that your dad and I can be impartial and not be too heavy hitting with our own personal views in politics when we talk with you. I want each of you to be independent thinkers who are open to new ideas and discussions. I won't ever tell you who to vote for, you will be able to make up your own mind. You need to make the decision based on your thoughts and feelings, not mine. I hope you are someone who cares about others, gets involved in causes important to you, etc. You can be a force. That this can show you that you CAN be President (although I really wouldn't want you to run for office). You can be ANYTHING you want to be.

I have high hopes for your futures, and this election does pertain to your futures. It affects you in ways you cannot imagine as a child.

Love,
mommy

Missing Those Arms

You'll have to forgive me for getting all sappy this evening, but I'm missing having my hubby's arms tonight. And so this post is about him.


Jason and I met 14 years ago at a July 4th party. I was very close to not going, but decided to go for it. And that night changed my life forever. He was friends with someone I knew and that made me feel comfortable with him in the coming weeks. That night he was drunk off his ass and kept asking if he had a "cute butt," which remains a joke to this day. I was also able to get him to dance that night, even though he professed no dancing ability. I quickly learned he was telling the truth.

We spent a lot of time together that summer and the "L" word was dropped fairly early, now that I look back. I fell head over heels in love with this punk who used to have long hair and hang in the dirtball crowd. Totally unlike anyone I had dated in high school.

We stayed together through his move to a city about 100 miles away for college. He proposed in a totally sweet manner 1 1/2 years into our being together. I made the move to join him not long after that. I didn't really give him the option, it was more of an ultimatim. But it all worked out in the end.

We were married 3 years after our engagement, and it is one of my favorite days in my life. All along I had been very calm and ready to be married. Three months out from the wedding, he was ready and I was freaking out. Meeting his eyes as I walked up the aisle is something I will hopefully remember for the rest of my life.

As a husband, Jason has always supported any new adventure I embarked on. We are wonderful friends, and honestly he is the person I want to call first with good news. And the bad. I'm perfectly content to hang out and watch tv with him, or to sit in comfortable silence. He is absolutely priceless to me. I cannot imagine life without him. He has been my rock through the most difficult times of my life, and I am incredibly thankful to him for his loving arms at times when I've needed them most.

As a father, Jason is simply the best man I know to be the father of our children. I pegged him as a child magnet early on in our relationship, and that was high on my list. He rolls on the floor with them, playing "mucky mud monster", builds those awesome lego creations, etc. While there are days (mainly football Sundays) where his attention wanders, when he is on...he is on. He is the "fun" parent, and I envy his zest for life. He is amazing with our children. He is the best father I could ever ask for for my children.

Some things I love about Jason:
Sweet: I know this is a "chick" term, but he truly is a sweet man. He surprises me when I least expect it, and touches my heart with his thought often.
Respectful: He is extremely respectful of others, for the most part. As long as you are not a Vikings fan or a loud conservative...you're good as gold. ;-) (Just kidding.) His respect for women makes me proud.
Zest for life: Jason has this awesome quality to enjoy the moment and go with it. I am so jealous of this.
Loving: He is so loving, and not afraid to show it.

Don't get me wrong, there are things about him that drive me up a wall. But even with those things, I still adore him. If he was gone tomorrow, those are probably some of the things I'd miss most. To think of life without him just makes my heart ache.

I love you.

Quick Check In

Hey there, sorry I've been slacking lately. I haven't had extra time to come up with a good post, and quite frankly I don't want to make a lame one. (Like this one). But I wanted you to know that I'm alive. And I've got some thoughts running around in my head. I'm hoping to visit blogs in the coming days.

Oye

Today was a bit more rough at drop-off. He clung to me and did not want me to leave. As I walked out the door he was screaming and crying "mommy." It was really fucking hard to keep walking, and needless to say I cried more than two blocks today.

sigh. I hope tomorrow goes better. I'm not the only freakazoid mommy who's been this emotional am I? Please tell me those of you who have been through this that there were days like this too. I'm feeling a bit fragile this week and could use the encouragement. If you were super mom and left without it being hard, lie to me please.

More Fall Fun

Only Two Blocks Worth

Phoenix was so excited to head to "school" this morning. He was off and running when we walked into the room. It came close to me begging for a kiss & hug as he was too busy exploring and having fun. I think leaving without some lovin' from my buddy would have broke my heart. Thankfully, with some encouragement from his teacher, he came running with his arms wide open and those lovely slobbery lips. I made it out the door and to the van, all the while my throat is constricting and I'm blinking back the tears. I had parked near the big window in their room and he was there waving goodbye to me. I waved and blew him kisses, and got some in return. After three air kisses and five waves, I figured I'd better drive off or I'd never leave. (well, I would have eventually) That's when I let the tears fall. The tears lasted two blocks worth and then I was done.

He's my little man. My buddy who calls out for "mommy" when he's hurt or scared. Who gives big squishy hugs and wet sloppy kisses. And while I'm enjoying my free time over the next couple days before I start work, I miss him.

I've only thought about Phoenix, oh, at least once an hour. Hoping he's being a good boy and listening well, and having a blast. I think this is so much harder as it's another goodbye to the days of young babyhood for me. There will be no more babies or toddlers for our family. I'm returning to work for, conceivably, many moons to come. I also know the day is coming when I will have to beg for that hug & kiss, when he says I'm embarrassing him, etc. While some of the days have seems like years, the years have passed all too quickly. I told myself to cherish the little things and enjoy the moments when they were babes. I know there have been times that I have not listened to that and it makes me sad for those lost moments. I know I can never get them back, but I can make a much better effort in the future.

I know our family is changing now with the start of school for Ariana, and Phoenix starting daycare. My children don't need me 24/7 and while there are moments I'm incredibly thankful for that, it still makes me sad. I want them to be self-reliant, responsible, respectful, and know that they have two parents who love them endlessly. I want to show my daughter that women can be smart and independent. I want my son to know that he can grow up to be a wonderful man who cherishes those he loves. I want my children to grow up knowing they can be anything they can be. Isn't that what all parents want for their children?

So, while I may have gotten emotional writing this, I'm happy to report that I only cried for two blocks worth so far.

Preeclampsia Video

Please take a couple minutes to check out the Preeclampsia Foundation video put out this month. Thanks!

Adventure

I know my new job will be an adventure and I am looking forward to it. For the most part.

My heart is already aching at the thought of leaving my family for days in a row for 7 weeks. Due to other hormonal influence, at least that's what I'm blaming it on, I've been weepy just thinking about it. Getting Ariana onto the bus, and picking her up makes me tear up. And knowing that Phoenix will be in daycare now in a couple days is also causing the eyes to swell. Holding my husband tight causes my throat to constrict and want to never let go. I'm not so great at goodbyes and I know I'm sure I'll sob like a baby come time to leave. I'm twitching just thinking about it.

It's always a little nerve wracking when you start a new job and this is no different. Can I do this, will I do a good enough job, etc....the questions we've all had. Do I have enough freaking clothes for the first couple weeks? Will I make it through 7 weeks of having a roomie without wanting to strangle her at some point? You know, things like that.

This is THE job I've been waiting for. And while I am a bit nervous and scared, I'm excited for the new adventure.

Oh Crap

The smallest halfing has been running around this week saying, "Oh, crap." At appropriate times too. And while I'm proud he knows how to use it at the correct time, it does make me cringe as I just know that will be one of the first things he says at daycare next week.

I don't say "crap" and neither does Jason. Hmmm, where did he get it from then? Drum roll please...................grandma! Yes, my mother has apparently said "oh crap" rather than "oh shit." And my child, of course, picked that up.

Crap is better than a lot of other words, but none of them could reflect well on our parenting skills. But there's a part of me that says screw it, who cares. He could say mean things like "I hate you" or "you suck". Not sure where he'd pick those up though, so of course he doesn't know those phrases.

I know my child is not the only one who shares these lovely words, so what does your little one say?

Leaves & Other Fall Fun

Odd Question

Have you thought about what type of memorial service you'd like to have when you die? I know it's rather morbid, but logistically I'd like to know what my hubby wants should something happen to him. I know a person is dead and can't complain, but I think the memorial should reflect the person.

My mom mentioned the other day she'd love to have a song about The Reaper played, but wondered if that would be too morbid for some. I say, play what you want. If they truly know you, then your loved ones shouldn't care.

It's something I've thought about, but haven't really put down on paper. I know I should.

So, do you have something in mind or is there something you'd "roll over in your grave" about if your loved one planned for your funeral?

Here's a much lighter post

I don't think I've posted these before. Even if I did...they are worth the second look. This is my child. My special child. We were goofing around with a pair of tanning goggles and I couldn't resist pulling out the camera.

One of the reasons I will not vote for John McCain

**This will be a hot topic with a hot button. I'm sure I'll get crap for it privately, but I'm so upset right now I just have to write to get it out. Judgemental comments, rude comments, etc will be deleted.

Screw you McCain. You say that the "health of the mother" crap has been stretched by the Pro-Abortion movement. Fuck you asshole, let me introduce you to women who have had to make that awful decision due to it being detrimental to their health. One who was told if she had that baby, she could plan on leaving her other children motherless. One who was told, it's your life or your babies, one of which had already died in the womb. Guess what. It's 2008 and women can still DIE from pregnancy related complications. I won't even go into the women who've I worked with who had an abortion or chose to take Plan B after being raped.

I am NOT pro-abortion. I am pro-choice. I do not want anyone telling me that I cannot make a decision regarding my health privately with my doctor. Especially someone who has never has been and never can get pregnant. Should I get a say in whether or not you get a health care procedure or medication? I'm not saying that women should run out and have an abortion. I'm saying that the option needs to be available for those that need it. Especially in the cases where the health of the mother is at stake.

The number of late term abortions is small compared to the overall number of abortions nationwide, and those cases are due to the health of the mother or baby. Who the hell decides in the middle of their pregnancy, oh I just don't want it so I'll have an abortion? Christ, get a grip. Why don't you talk with someone who actually had an abortion and find out why without passing judgement. The number of women who get abortions as a form of "easy" birth control are so much fucking lower than all the pro-life websites say they are. Do you know how much shit a woman has to go through to have an abortion? It's definitely not easy. And that's not touching the emotional side of it.

So I say fuck you John McCain. Would you care to talk face to face with the women who you are condemning for having that "horrendous procedure?" Maybe have a town hall meeting with those scarlet women who've had abortions?

sigh. I feel somewhat better now. I apologize to my regular readers, for ranting in a way that I most definitely do not do very often. This is something that touched me as I know women who have had to make the most difficult decision of their lives. At a moment when they need compassion and love, they are condemned and have to grieve in private for the most part.

Future Heart Breaker

Okay, this one might be a deal breaker, not a heart breaker.

Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day

Today is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day . For all those moms who've lost their babies, my heart aches for you.

Inspiration for today

"Don't let what you can't do get in the way of what you can do."

by John Wooden

HFH update & other going ons

It's quick for me this morning. I'm heading out of the weekend to join some of my Disney pals from Passporter for our annual Mall of America meet. We've been doing it for 6 years. We'll have some good eats, great laughs, and lots of scrapbooking happening.

Hot for the Holidays - Totally sucked this week. I'm up two pounds. sigh. I can't really complain as I was NOT well behaved at all this week. I'm trying to remember that overall I'm down 10+ pounds from last year, but that didn't help when I got on the scale this morning.

I had something I had planned on writing about and thought about it last night while laying in bed, waiting to fall asleep. But hot damn, I can't remember what it's about now. Crap.

I did see something rather disturbing in the last day or two. Something that really made me pause and wonder if true unity can ever be found in this country again. I plan to write a bit more about it, but alas...no time today.

Also, got a give a shout out to my friend Dawn. Happy Birthday my friend. I love you lots!!


Okay, see you all after the weekend!

What did you say?

Ariana and I had a very titillating conversation on the way home from school today. At one point, she tells me that Phoenix will be in lots of trouble when he's older. I ask why. She replies, "Because he's got a penis." Oh boy, where did she hear that from. Hmmm....I wonder. (I sometimes blame male stupidity on the penis factor, so it could be me. *red-faced*) Then she asks how long a boy has a penis. "Um, forever."

The kicker is her next question as I'm laughing already....

"What happens to a boy's penis when he dies?"

Seriously, that was her question. I was trying to come up with a logical answer, and without laughing too hard. She was quite persistent and I admitted that I hadn't seen a dead penis before so I didn't know. Then I told her to ask her grandma.

I can't wait for that question to pop up with grandma. I just know it will. And I can't wait for grandma's answer.

Prematurity Petition

The March of Dimes has a Petition For Preemies , urging our government for more funding on prematurity research. Please visit the MOD to find out more information and to sign the petition.

Thank you,
Just one of a million mom's to a premature child

It Makes Me Feel Like Dancin'

This past Saturday, I participated in our local women's shelter block party as a belly dance performer. I was pretty nervous since there were SO many faces I knew in the crowd, but I guess I did alright. October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month and this block party kicks off the organization's month of events. It was awesome to give back in a very different way than I have previously for the agency. Krista is the other belly dancer, my instructor and friend.

He's going to be not so happy with me for this...

But I can't resist.

Pu-leeze

I'm entering the politcal foray again briefly tonight. Serious, could either of them answer a fucking question without this "he said" bullshit. Tell me YOUR plan to fix things. Don't tell me shit about the other person. This debate is running like a long ass TV commercial. Stop acting like four year olds and grow the hell up. I may be an idealist, but when you candidates promised a clean campaign...I stupidly fell for it. They are saying the same shit from previous debates, previous stumps, etc. I am watching to perhaps learn something new about both of you candidates, not hear the same crap spouting off again. Stop the recycled garbage and give us new information/material/details. Please.

sigh. This election cannot be here soon enough for me.

I'm a geek

I'm totally excited for McD's Monopoly game to start tomorrow. This is the one thing I get hyped over at McD's. I have no clue why. I just like to play it. Which means I have to eat it. sigh. That's not a good equation is it? *wink* I'll try and control myself.

There's that small hope that I could win some cash. Doesn't $25,000 sound good? Of course, if I win it's usually a frickin' hash brown. Or better yet, an Egg McMuffin, which I don't eat and have to give away to my other half.

Do you have anything like this that you get excited for that is really kind of lame?

Take Two Minutes

Please consider taking two minutes to head over to Squidoo to vote for the Preeclampsia Foundation (or your favorite charity). They are giving away $80,000 by Oct 15th. Each vote is worth $2 and you may only vote once.

Thank you.

ETA: I checked the website this morning and Squidoo has reached their $80,000 giveaway overnight. All votes until Oct 15th are now for bragging rights only.

Even the peppers were afraid of Jason's chili

Happy October

Can you believe it's October? Where the hell has this year gone?

October is
Breast Cancer Awareness Month...

Domestic Violence Awareness Month

Columbus Day (why are we celebrating the man who helped bring syphillis to this country?)

It's also National Infertility Awareness month and SIDS (Sudden Infant Death) Awareness Month. It's also Pharmacist's Month...Thank you pharmacists for giving us drugs!

We've got a couple birthdays this month and I start my job in a few weeks. What do you have going on this month?

The Mommy Brigade

I like to say that although I drive a minivan, I don't drive or act like I own a minivan. I've always known there were THOSE moms. The ones who look you over when they meet you and your child, that discuss their child's lives like a soap opera, they drive minivans or SUV's like it's their second home. I became very close to what I call the "mommy brigade" when Ariana went to Safety City. All these minivans, SUV's, and cool station wagons (are those every really cool?) pulled in. Myself included with my lovely burgundy Venture. Then the mom's and children started piling out and into the building. Mom's who know each other wave and start chatting about how their summer is going and whatnot. And the cliques are happening while our kids are out a fucking two hour safety class. I came into the building with no makeup on, my hair in a ponytail, and shorts with a Cher t-shirt. The mommy brigade all wore capri's in like color with a white or light colored non-descript shirt. I'm not kidding when I say they ALL had the SAME hairstyle, the bob that barely brushes the shoulders. Each of their children are in picture perfect clothing that all matches and their hair is combed and styled with lots of frilly bows or gelled into a nice preppy look for the boys. Fine. I get that things needs to be perfect in their world. That's alright with me. Just don't expect the same damn thing from me and my children.

My child has dressed herself that morning in an outfit that does not match if it's a two piece. Dresses are easy since it's just the one article of clothing. Pants or shorts with a shirt...well, you never know what she'll come up with. I love the fact that she marches to her own beat. But I also worry about it too. I want her to have the confidence in herself to say "screw the matching shit" and wear whatever. Do some of her combinations make me cringe? Sure they do. But I know that if I suggest another shirt or bottom, she'll get pissy. It's not worth the battle and if she likes it, who am I to say she can't wear it. Her hair is rarely in a pony and within an hour of brushing, it looks like a nest again since she is such a active fart. Oh well, I tell myself.

Back to the mommy brigade. That week passed quickly (thank god) and I didn't really think of the mommy brigade again until school started. Then the minivan, "perfect" moms arrive with their children and they group up and it becomes apparent that they are discussing all the kids (and parents) they don't know from 4K. What the fuck. Who gives a shit? Seriously. Who's child doesn't go and play right away, who cries when it's time to go, who listens the best. On and on, and on. Who fucking CARES! I quickly dropped that crap from my mind and onto our own little world did I go.

Until I went on a field trip last week with the kindergarten classes to the farmer's market. The parents were paired up with another parent and 5-7 kids per group. I got a mommy brigade mom. Perfect hair, perfect nails, perfect makeup, clothes...you get the picture. She asks the following questions in quick succession:
Which one is yours?
Does Ariana have a nickname or does she go by Ariana?
Did she go to 4K last year? (to which I say yes)
Oh, she must have been in the afternoon class? (yes)
I figured that since I don't recognize her from my daughter's class. She was in the morning. (well, duh I'm thinking)
What do you do?
What does your husband do?
Where do you live?

You get the picture. I felt like I was having a mommy interview. Each group was assigned a color and the kids had to find fruits & veggies in their color. We had six kids and guess who was asked to pick out the items first. This woman's daughter and her friends. Ariana and four of the other kids (all from the afternoon class) are ignored. And quite honestly, they didn't say anything so that may have been an issue as well. Finally, the kids got into a rotation so that each child had the opportunity to select an item. Afterward we were finished and heading back to the bus, the questions started up again. I was never so happy to get on a bus before. And when we arrived back at school and was preparing to leave, I passed the mom, smiled, and said goodbye. She looked at me (or at least I thought she did), turned her head and walked away. My first thought was that, ooops I must not have passed the test. Of course, I try to give the benefit of the doubt that she didn't hear or see me. But I think she did. She went over to the other moms she had been hanging out with in the beginning and the chatter started up.

Quite frankly, I try not to give a shit about crap like that. But I do. A small part of me still feels like I never quite fit in. Doesn't everyone want to feel included?

Another thing that came up with another mommy. I don't listen to children's music every time my kids are in the minivan. I grew up listening to my mom's music and I think it helped expand my listening opportunities. I had a friend, who does do the whole kids music thing all the time, mention music the other day when she heard what was in my CD player in the van. With Phoenix in it at the time. "Don't you listen to music for the kids when you drive?" Hell no, is what I really wanted to say. I said that no, we occasionally listened to a Disney CD, but that we listen to whatever while I drive. If it happens to be a soundtrack, or Metallica, or classical, that's what they listen to. I do try not to have lyrics that include swearing on while the kidlets are in the van, so if one of them says Fuck You, it's not from the music. It might be from a driver who just cut me off (no, I'm kidding, alright). If I listened to kid's music daily for more than an hour, I think I'd drive myself off the road.

I know I'm rambling, so I'll try to wrap this up. I guess what I'm trying to say is that no one is perfect. Everyone has something that they'd die if others found out. No one's kids are perfect, all the time. If you wanted a perfect child, you should have stuck with a doll. It doesn't matter how much money you have, one can still be a rockin' rental unit if you don't have a lot of money. It doesn't matter if you spend every waking minute with your kids, thinking of your kids, doing something for you kids...those of us who don't are still good parents.

I'll leave this for now as I'm losing my train of thought as Phoenix bombards me with screaming requests for a second popsicle. Nice, huh. I feed my kid a popsicle to keep him occupied so I can write this up. *wink* Think of me today, tooling around in my minivan with Yoda at the helm (I'm serious, I have a Yoda up front with me) and Godsmack blazing from the speakers.

What you think of when you stop by here

You have got to be thinking, what the fuck is she doing? I know, I know. I've sucked at blogging lately. I'm sorry. I'm working on getting a post (a decent one) up asap for ya. I promise I haven't been picking my nose or scratching my ass. We've been busy. We had a loaded weekend with apple picking, birthday party for Ariana, a wedding, and me scrapping all day yesterday. Trying to get caught up today on shit. Can I just say that laundry is the worst never-ending job ever.

And can I say that you all just rock! I've got 10 comments on my job news post. That's a record for me I think. Thanks everyone!

Hot For the Holidays Week 3

Crap, I completely spaced out posting today. I'm down 1 pound...yahoo! Still sucking on the exercise.

Doing the Happy Dance

I GOT THE JOB!!!!!!!!!!!

I got the news yesterday around noon. I am so flippin' estatic. I had to control myself so I didn't scream into the phone when they called. I called Jason directly after and burst into tears. Happy ones, of course. For those that don't know, I will be employed as a probation & parole agent with the state.

I start Oct 27th and I'll have training out of town for six weeks. I don't know at this point it if will be a solid 6 weeks or if they'll break it up like they have before.

It's exciting and quite frankly a little overwhelming too. But I'm shouting it from the roof top.....WOOOHOOO!!!!

Things to Do Before I Leave This Earth

I'll be adding to this as I come up with things I'd like to add to my "Life Wish List". I figured I could use something positive in my head right now, so here goes. In no particular order.

1. Skydive (even though I'm scared of heights)
2. Visit London again (and tour the rest of England)
3. Take a European vacation touring Scotland, Ireland, Italy, Spain & France
4. Learn to ballroom dance
5. See orcas & humpback whales in the wild
6. Win the lottery
7. Buy a house.
8. Speak a foreign language
9. Go on a cruise
10. Dance on broadway

It Spoke to Me

"No matter how dark the moment, love and hope are always possible." ~ George Chakiris

This quote spoke to me last week. I received it in a newsletter I get and it's stuck with me. It can be applied to so many things and I thought I'd pass it along.

Fear and Hope

I am still waiting to hear something on the job. Quite frankly, I am a bundle of nerves. My stomach is in knots and I'm jittery. The suspense is killing me. I don't know how much longer I can stand this. I hate to call again and be a pest, but I'm thinking of it. I keep hoping, and hoping, that the cards will fall my way. This job would mean so much to me, to our family. But I also am dreading news since it could be a no-go. And I think I will fall into a depression for a bit. I've already warned Jason about it should I not get this job. I keep checking to make sure there is a dial tone on our phone line. And each time the phone rings, my heart starts to speed up only to drop when it's my mother. ;) I'm absolutely worthless in getting anything done as I can't concentrate for very long.

To Do Lists

Do you make To Do lists? I do on occasion, when I'm feeling a little overwhelmed with all the shit I need to get done. I have one right now that has got to be as long as Santa's naught & nice list. I know I won't finish everything on it today, but it helps me feel like I've accomplished something when I can cross it off.

Update on job situation

I called yesterday afternoon to check in with the supervisor and apparently they have decided on three to hire, but are trying to make a decision on a fourth. He asked if I was still interested, to which I replied "yes, that's why I'm calling" and told me to "stay tuned." So, here I am trying not to think about it. All weekend. Dreading Monday and wishing it was here already too.

Saving Grace ~ 2008

This evening, a gala event for the Preeclampsia Foundation is taking place in Washington, DC. Saving Grace: A Night of Hope is currently the largest fundraiser for the organization, and having attended the first Saving Grace (Minneapolist) in 2005 I can say it is truly not to be missed. One of the things that has been done each year is a memory quilt in honor of the babies that have been lost due to their mommies developing preeclampsia. CNN's Elizabeth Cohen is speaking tonight. The Volunteer of the Year award and the Hope Award along with four researchers receiving their grant awards will be presented. I cannot wait to hear all about the evening from the attendees, fellow preeclampsia survivors. To be in a room with so many others and everyone is there for a single cause...preeclampsia. Next year's gala is slated for Chi-town and you can be sure I'll be in attendance.

Week 2 in Hot For the Holidays

Well, I didn't lose anything this week. But that's also good, because I didn't GAIN anything either. I'm status quo with the weight loss this week. Between Aunt Flo and the emotional eating I've been trying to stave off with stress...I thought for sure I'd be up at least a pound or two. I'm doing well with the soda intake, the water intake has been sucky this week. I'm doing well with food and healthier choices. Well, for the most part. There was a day or two where the chips & dip did reach my internal need. sigh. Back on the saddle again, quickly I did jump though.

Goal for next week: 1 pound loss

not so patient anymore

I am still waiting to hear something on the job interview I had last week. sigh. This is a much longer process than I anticipated or have experienced before. My references were called on Mon/Tues, so I was hoping to hear something, anything, by yesterday. They interviewed 30 candidates and apparently chose 9 to call references on, and are looking to fill up to 4 positions. I was feeling pretty good at the beginning of the week, but I admit that my spirits are dwindling as each day passes. I walk with trepidation to the mailbox with fear that my rejection letter in there, only to see junk mail, cable tv ads, and "vote for me" info. This patience thing is starting to wear on me.

untitled

aching heart
fighting silent tears
must not show them.
stoic face,
hidden fear.

Your footsteps next to mine
without walking truly beside me.
loneliness fills me.

what does my reflection show.
smiling face, cheery chatter
that doesn't quite reach my eyes.

Another woman lost

A 35 year old woman dies from HELLP Syndrome. My thoughts are with her family.

Would you like Parm with that?

Phoenix is eating a slice of kraft cheese off the kitchen floor and sprinkling parm on it. I can't remember the last time I actually washed the floor...I know it was in the last two weeks...but this might put me up for "Mother of the Year". Not.

I'm picking my battles. He doesn't want a plate, and I figure nothing on the floor will actually kill him. So, rock on my child. Rock on.

What kinds of things do your children do that some others would frown upon? I can't be the only one.

Week 1 of Hot 4 Holidays

It's week one in the Hot for the Holidays program and I lost one pound! WOOHOO! I was thinking I'd stay the same, so that one little pound I'm feeling pretty good about. I've hit my goal of increasing my water intake, limiting the soda, and not snacking so much. The exercise? Well, that I just plain suck on. I had bellydance last evening, and that's about the extent of my official exercise for the week. I really need to improve on that.

Goal next week: Continue with the more water/less soda thing and EXERCISE! I'm crossing my fingers I can stick with the 1lb a week loss too.

Struggling

Bedtime is a disaster in our home lately. A battle of wills. And we're really fucking tired. As in physically tired and tired of the knock down, drag 'em out bedtimes. It's the little one who's causing the ruckus. Remember me posting about a month ago about his sleep issues and being "scared"? Well, it got better for a brief period and now the last week had been hell. One night can go well, and the next is pure torture.

Jason and I are frustrated and it's causing friction between us. We're both feeling like we are doing a lot and the other is not recognizing that. In the last few days I feel like we work against each other rather than as one unit. It makes me sad. And, quite frankly, pissed off. He apparently has looked at sleep stuff online (at work) and hasn't told me. I hauled out the sleep book we got when Phoenix was a baby and that was briefly picked up. The communication of how we deal with this sleepy, but wide awake, child is so not happening.

Tuesday night, it took us 3.5 hours to get Phoenix to sleep. Tonight was about two hours. That's just way too damn long. The other morning he crawled into bed with me at 4am. And guess who was up for the morning. He and I were. He crashed hard by 9am, but that's so not an option for us. We need to sit and plan a better bedtime routine and try everything we can to stick to it for the weeks to come, just to get him to sleep better. Of course, sleeping through the night is a friggin' problem too.

I know I signed up for this parent gig. But right now, I'm pretty pissed off that nothing with my kids ever seems easy. All those people who have never had sleep issues with their children, well, I hate them right now. (Sorry, if that's one of you) Our kids have never slept well. And since 2003, neither have we.

I Wanna Go Back

Happy Birthday to that guy I call my husband

My hubby has a birthday today. We celebrated Sunday with family.




Here's a toast to my guy....if I had some Crown left I'd take a swig for ya.

May your Packers always win.
May your dreams of that big man cave in a home come true.
May your have luck with hunting this year and bag a big one.
May your balls never shrivel and make a funny slapping noise.
And may you always find yourself surrounded by love.

Happy Birthday Brat!

This mind wants to know

If you could try any adventurous sport tomorrow, knowing you would be spanking awesome at it, what would you try?

Wondering

*I don't venture much into politics here as I'm pretty firm in my beliefs and I don't intend to change anyone's minds. I consider it your own damn business. I don't like you less if you vote differently than I do, and I hope the same from you.

But....I'm a bit confused. The jump in McCain's poll numbers yesterday are something I'm wondering about. The media is saying that the jump is coming from middle class working women. So, does this mean they weren't included in more polls before? Are they conservative or Republican women? Liberal or Democratic women?

I heard one report that some women supporting Obama have moved to McCain for the simple reason that he chose a woman as his VP. This confounds me. If you are a Democratic supporter and one would think, follow along with the general ideals of the "liberal" party. How can one switch just because Palin is female? Her beliefs do not hold to a more liberal view whatsoever. Just because she works and she's a mom? That's crap. Most women who live in this country are moms and work, it doesn't matter what political affiliation they are. They are all great women.

I guess I'm just confused on this one. And, no, I don't need anyone coming in to tell me how great she is or explain any candidates political ideology. I know who I am voting for and I can tell you that gender or race doesn't have an impact, whatsoever.

Hot For the Holidays

It's starting! If you are a blogger and working on losing weight, check this out! There are weekly prizes which can be a nice motivator.

My goals for Hot For the Holidays:
-Drink more water
-Snack less, and more healthy
-Exercise daily (treadmill every other day at least)

I have set a goal to lost 10 pounds in this go-round. I'm hoping for more, but wanted to set a realistic goal. I want to be a healthier person, and the journey includes weight loss.

I like to rock out on the treadmill with a heavier beat...any suggestions? I'm usually listening to Eminem, Limp Bizkit, Metallica, etc. I tried classical, but it just didn't work.

Can't Get It Out of My Head

With my last post and comments, Alice started the "Into the Groove" song by Madonna and it stuck in my head for about an hour. I usually have a tv jingle stuck after a night of tv viewing. Or if someone says something that reminds me of a song. I've been known to burst into song if that happens. Yes, really. I'm that much of a geek.

So, my dear friends, how about a game. For each word, is there a song that pops into your head?

1. Sunshine

2. Rolling

3. Somewhere

4. Blue

5. Fish

6. Thunder

7. Room

8. Men

9. Love

10. Heart

I can't wait to see what you all come up with. I think I'll post my answers as a comment, so you can see what pops into my head.

The big question is....which one of your songs will stick in YOUR head.

Into the Groove

I have lost my blogging groove. I'm hoping to get back to it soon. I miss it, I really do. But I just don't have anything funny or good to share. Any burning questions I can answer?

Daisy?

We got a sheet home today that Girl Scout registration takes place tomorrow. It's $35, can you believe that? Anyway, we're not sure if it's something Ariana wants to do or if we want to sign her on. Any experiences/advice/etc to share about having a child as a Girl Scout?

Odds & Ends And a Worded Wednesday

First, here are our tomatoes...


Yay, they grew!

And here are some clouds from this morning. I found them interesting. You can click on the photo to see it larger.
This looks like flames, doesn't it?


And this one is an arrow.


And this one kind of looks like an old fossil with all the bones.

That's it.

First Day of School

It was Ariana's first day of kindergarten yesterday. My oh my, has she grown.





She really wanted to ride the bus this year, so the bus it is. We returned home on Saturday to find her bus info in the mail. Um, she was scheduled to be picked up from the bus stop at 6:10am. WHAT? That is entirely too early for a five year old. We live just 3-4 miles from school and she's supposed to ride the bus for over two hours? We were pissed to say the least and were trying to find alternatives. For now, it wasn't a big deal since I can drop off & pick up, but if I go back to work...we'd need other arrangements.

I took her to school yesterday with the plan of calling the bus company and saying she wouldn't be riding. Jason called and it turns out there was a mistake. Her pick up time is 8:04am. That's a bit more reasonable. So, we walked to the bus stop this morning and off she went.