Friday, September 30, 2005


I am one day away from getting my period, I think. All week I’ve been feeling cruddy in the evenings and Thursday Jason suggest, jokingly, that maybe I’m pregnant. I can’t say that the thought hadn’t crossed my mind, but I’ve been through this before. Because of this conversation, I decide to take a home pregnancy test Friday morning. And oh my! I’M PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!! The line is so faint, but it’s there. I am standing in the bathroom in absolute disbelief and shock. Am I seeing things? Tears are streaming down my face. I just couldn’t believe it. I had Ariana take the test into the bedroom to her daddy. She climbed up on the bed and gave it to him. Jason is just waking up and he kind of looks at the test with this “what’s this” expression. Then he looks at me. I said we’ll have to turn on the light for you to see. As I’m turning on the light, Jason gets out of bed to have a good look at the test. “Can you see it?” I ask. “Yes,” was his reply. I started crying again and we hugged. I told Jason that I know in my heart that this baby is a gift from grandpa. I believe he had a hand in creating this miracle for us. I was in a daze all day and thankfully it was a busy day at work. After looking at the calendar I realized that three years ago on Sept 29, 2002I discovered I was pregnant with Ariana. How cool is that?!

I was going out of town to MN with my mom over the weekend. I am so proud that I was able to keep our secret. We even visited baby stores, but I refrained from buying anything. It was a long weekend, but a fun one.

I called the OB office Monday morning to schedule a blood test. Courtney called me back and was ecstatic to hear our news. She had me come in for a quant that afternoon. As soon as she got the results, she called to let me know. My HCG is at 65, which is normal. She wants me to come back in for another quant in a couple days, and to run a progesterone level. Sometimes progesterone levels can be low in females who have fertility issues. My next lab is for Thursday.

I’ve been feeling full and crampy in my uterine area, so that is making me a bit nervous. No bleeding yet, so that is a good thing. I’m not sure on a due date since my last cycle was a tad long, but it looks like mid June 2006. I’m hoping we can make it that far with this pregnancy.

I have mixed emotions about being pregnant. Happiness, elation, relief, fear, sadness are some. Happiness and elation because we are pregnant. Relief from infertility. Fear of miscarrying, something being wrong with the baby, and that HELLP will strike again. And sadness that my old OB is not here to help me on this journey.