Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Monday, February 6, 2012
pupster
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| Chewbacca, 5 months |
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| Chewbacca, 4 months old |
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| Makes getting a dog priceless |
Chewie has been a member of the household for two months now. It's been an interesting two months with the whole puppy thing, but the pick w/ Ari above totally makes it worth it. He's a fantastic pooch.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Celebrate
I am no longer of the minivan mom league. YES!!! Bessie was awesome to us for the 6 years we had her, but her time had come. It was bittersweet to say goodbye, lots of good memories. But now we've got a newer vehicle to help us with our travels. It just needs a name.....
2011 Book Challenge Recap
This was my third attempt at finishing 52 books within the year. Didn't quite make it in 2011, but I'm hoping to get beyond 52 in 2012!
Here is a recap of this last year's reading pleasures......
2011 Book List:
Here is a recap of this last year's reading pleasures......
2011 Book List:
- Born in Death by JD Robb
- The Last Olympian by Rick Riordan
- Awakened by PC Cast & Kristin Cast
- Zuzu's Petals by Lauren Ward Larsen
- Naked in Death by JD Robb
- Glory in Death by JD Robb
- Immortal in Death by JD Robb
- Promises in Death by JD Robb
- Origin in Death by JD Robb
- Fantasy in Death by JD Robb
- Reunion in Death by JD Robb
- Holiday in Death by JD Robb
- Loyalty in Death by JD Robb
- Ceremony in Death by JD Robb
- Conspiracy in Death by JD Robb
- Witness in Death by JD Robb
- Treachery in Death by JD Robb
- Creation in Death by JD Robb
- Purity in Death by JD Robb
- Memory in Death by JD Robb
- Visions in Death by JD Robb
- Kindred in Death by JD Robb
- Divided in Death by JD Robb
- Vengeance in Death by JD Robb
- Survivor in Death by JD Robb
- Innocent in Death by JD Robb
- Betrayal in Death by JD Robb
- Judgement in Death by JD Robb
- Indulgence in Death by JD Robb
- Imitation in Death by JD Robb
- Portrait in Death by JD Robb
- Seduction in Death by JD Robb
- Three in Death by JD Robb
- Strangers in Death by JD Robb
- Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows by JK Rowling
- A Stolen Life by Jaycee Dugard
- The Help by Kathryn Stockett
- The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins
- Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins
- Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins
- Destined by P.C. Cast & Kristin Cast
- Sing Me Home by Jodi Piccoult
- Cut by Patricia McCormick
- Viscount Breckenridge to the Rescue by Stephanie Laurens
- In Pursuit of Eliza Cynster by Stephanie Laurens
Monday, January 9, 2012
rough week
The boy child had his tonsils & adenoid out last week. And it has been a rough go of it since. Ended up in the ER the same evening for a post-tonsil surgery bleed that cleared up by the time we made it to the ER (of course). Then over the weekend, he continued his protest against fluids and food so back to the ER it was yesterday. And he ended up being admitted until he could maintain his own hydration. Which took place this morning. Hooray!
I admit I am pretty cool when it comes to my kids have surgery. They have each been under before so I do not really get nervous. But the worry this child caused over the last week has rung me out. He is so damn stubborn. (Hmmm, where does he get that from, I wonder?) He looked so frail and scared yesterday, it took everything in me to not burst into worrisome tears.
But we survived, thankfully. The most awesome part of all this is that he is already sleeping better!
I admit I am pretty cool when it comes to my kids have surgery. They have each been under before so I do not really get nervous. But the worry this child caused over the last week has rung me out. He is so damn stubborn. (Hmmm, where does he get that from, I wonder?) He looked so frail and scared yesterday, it took everything in me to not burst into worrisome tears.
But we survived, thankfully. The most awesome part of all this is that he is already sleeping better!
Sunday, January 1, 2012
the new year
i know most everyone makes some sort of promise to themselves for the new year and even though i find it slightly corny....i cannot help it. i must do it.
i hope 2012 brings:
i hope 2012 brings:
- peace to our household
- sleep, as in uninterrupted sleep
- shedding of my of my fat arse, my preggo belly and firming up the jiggly arms
- less yelling and more loving for our family
- continued and growing friendships
- getting even closer to being debt-free (hell yeah!)
- falling in love with my partner all over again
- lots of funny jokes with gut busting laughter
- lots of changes at work, although i'm not too hopeful for this one
- a smashing birthday party for the hubs as he turns the big 4-0
- witnessing a dear friend reach one of his goals
- two fantastic vacations with family
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Kiss my a$$, 2011
2011 was not my best year. Or our best year. Sure, there were some pretty awesome things. But there were also some shit things. I'm looking forward to a smashing 2012. Wishing you all a fantastic New Year! See you on the flip side.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
lost
i hate to be another downer post, but i need to get it out. i am lost. lost in how to help my children. i feel as if we are being pulled in a thousand different directions and still are no closer to answers. focusing on one more than the other over the last several months and wondering if that is kicking our asses now. i cannot even begin to describe the depth of emotion running through me this evening. just when i think we have crossed one hurdle another presents itself. and i do not know where to turn next. we literally have been missing at least 2-4 hours of work each week to take one child to therapy. and now we will have to get the other back into regular therapy, which adds more time. i 100% know it is necessary, but it does not make it any easier to swallow.
i am drowning. drowning in stress, drowning in being overwhelmed. and i am angry. so fucking angry. angry that i at times feel as if we just keep spinning our wheels. that we take a step forward and then two steps back. that i sometimes feel like i do not know how much more of myself i can give. that my partner has begun to fall back into old habits and i again feel alone.
work fucking sucks. i dread each morning i know i have to walk into that toxic environment. the job itself is not bad, but the management and decisions coming down from the higher ups stink, quite frankly. i had my ass smoozed, or at least attempted to be smoozed, at the end of the week and as i sat there addressing a few concerns i knew she was not truly hearing what i had to say. she responded with her pat answers that were meant to appease me and feel like she actually gives two shits about me as a person. and then i find out hours later that one of the issues i addressed she had info on and a decision has been made that fucks me at work, again. i am deciding how big of a war to wage and how far i can push things. i need a job to help provide financially for my family and to help my own sanity, but the stress of my current full-time employment is eating me alive and i am struggling with dealing with the stress of it.
the boy child has been going to therapy weekly and i can certainly appreciate the fact that he has made leaps & bounds improvement since summer, heck he is a different kid from the summer. but this week and last he is ramping back up and we have had struggles almost each day. he had a consult for a sleep study this past week and will have a sleep study done just before christmas. he also had a consult the other week with ent for tonsil & adenoid removal which was scheduled for the first week of dec. but the pedi neurologist would like the sleep study done prior to the t&a surgery, so that surgery has now been pushed off until early jan. we still have questions as to what is going on with him, why he does not sleep well, wondering if the night terrors will ever go away. on a brighter note, he has made tremendous progress with his behavior at school. i am crossing every body part i have in hopes that we have more answers come february. it has been his turn for the "one thing after another" ride and i am ready to get off the attraction anytime now.
the girl child has been doing well. at least up until a few weeks ago. she has started to have some sassiness and frustration edge back in. i thought perhaps it could be hormones starting to kick in, but we have seen an increase in the last week or so. she has been angry. she has been snotty. she has resorted to her animal noises so much lately. and if i ask her if anything is bothering her, she replies there is nothing. but in the last 24 hours, it has become very apparent that something is not right. she has a check in with the psychiatrist this week and we had planned to be discussing taking her off her meds come the new year, but at this point we intend to ask to keep her on and possibly raise her dose. which is not easy to think of doing, but if it needs to happen it will. she is lashing out at us and then retreats into her self blame. and it just fucking breaks my heart to witness.
j and i discussed how things are going tonight in regards to the kids. he stated he does not know what to do or how to handle things. i understand because i feel the same damn way every damn day. but i am also frustrated because i am the one still reading books and listening podcasts/audiobooks for tips on how to help our kids. he said he wonders at times if she has problems because of the way we raised her, if we did not provide good enough boundaries with her, etc. my gut reaction is to say "fuck that" but it is also in my mind. i constantly wonder if i passed along a genetic disposition to depression or if something got messed up due to my pregnancy. i feel like i did something to make this happen. i know logically that is untrue, but i still feel it.
i feel like a failure when i do not know how to help my kids. when they are struggling and in need and i have no answers. when i try and try and some days it seems to make no difference. and on those days when i am empty and can simply do nothing more than retreat myself. but i know that i am doing what i need to to help my kids. at times that is difficult to recall however.
i feel lost. that i do not know which end is up or what way to take next. decisions that are not difficult have become difficult. i am not sleeping well. definitely not eating well. managing stress is not my strong suit at this moment in my life. each day it becomes more and more laborious to put on the happy face and pretend like life is awesome or easy. i am losing my positivity which i hold so dear.
i am drowning. drowning in stress, drowning in being overwhelmed. and i am angry. so fucking angry. angry that i at times feel as if we just keep spinning our wheels. that we take a step forward and then two steps back. that i sometimes feel like i do not know how much more of myself i can give. that my partner has begun to fall back into old habits and i again feel alone.
work fucking sucks. i dread each morning i know i have to walk into that toxic environment. the job itself is not bad, but the management and decisions coming down from the higher ups stink, quite frankly. i had my ass smoozed, or at least attempted to be smoozed, at the end of the week and as i sat there addressing a few concerns i knew she was not truly hearing what i had to say. she responded with her pat answers that were meant to appease me and feel like she actually gives two shits about me as a person. and then i find out hours later that one of the issues i addressed she had info on and a decision has been made that fucks me at work, again. i am deciding how big of a war to wage and how far i can push things. i need a job to help provide financially for my family and to help my own sanity, but the stress of my current full-time employment is eating me alive and i am struggling with dealing with the stress of it.
the boy child has been going to therapy weekly and i can certainly appreciate the fact that he has made leaps & bounds improvement since summer, heck he is a different kid from the summer. but this week and last he is ramping back up and we have had struggles almost each day. he had a consult for a sleep study this past week and will have a sleep study done just before christmas. he also had a consult the other week with ent for tonsil & adenoid removal which was scheduled for the first week of dec. but the pedi neurologist would like the sleep study done prior to the t&a surgery, so that surgery has now been pushed off until early jan. we still have questions as to what is going on with him, why he does not sleep well, wondering if the night terrors will ever go away. on a brighter note, he has made tremendous progress with his behavior at school. i am crossing every body part i have in hopes that we have more answers come february. it has been his turn for the "one thing after another" ride and i am ready to get off the attraction anytime now.
the girl child has been doing well. at least up until a few weeks ago. she has started to have some sassiness and frustration edge back in. i thought perhaps it could be hormones starting to kick in, but we have seen an increase in the last week or so. she has been angry. she has been snotty. she has resorted to her animal noises so much lately. and if i ask her if anything is bothering her, she replies there is nothing. but in the last 24 hours, it has become very apparent that something is not right. she has a check in with the psychiatrist this week and we had planned to be discussing taking her off her meds come the new year, but at this point we intend to ask to keep her on and possibly raise her dose. which is not easy to think of doing, but if it needs to happen it will. she is lashing out at us and then retreats into her self blame. and it just fucking breaks my heart to witness.
j and i discussed how things are going tonight in regards to the kids. he stated he does not know what to do or how to handle things. i understand because i feel the same damn way every damn day. but i am also frustrated because i am the one still reading books and listening podcasts/audiobooks for tips on how to help our kids. he said he wonders at times if she has problems because of the way we raised her, if we did not provide good enough boundaries with her, etc. my gut reaction is to say "fuck that" but it is also in my mind. i constantly wonder if i passed along a genetic disposition to depression or if something got messed up due to my pregnancy. i feel like i did something to make this happen. i know logically that is untrue, but i still feel it.
i feel like a failure when i do not know how to help my kids. when they are struggling and in need and i have no answers. when i try and try and some days it seems to make no difference. and on those days when i am empty and can simply do nothing more than retreat myself. but i know that i am doing what i need to to help my kids. at times that is difficult to recall however.
i feel lost. that i do not know which end is up or what way to take next. decisions that are not difficult have become difficult. i am not sleeping well. definitely not eating well. managing stress is not my strong suit at this moment in my life. each day it becomes more and more laborious to put on the happy face and pretend like life is awesome or easy. i am losing my positivity which i hold so dear.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
vacation happiness
this weeks happiness is brought to you by the letter a and the number 199.
a is for airlines.....flights are booked for our june vacay!!!
199 is for the number of days left to go until we take to the skies.
it is one of those weeks where the small things need to be celebrated.
a is for airlines.....flights are booked for our june vacay!!!
199 is for the number of days left to go until we take to the skies.
it is one of those weeks where the small things need to be celebrated.
Monday, November 14, 2011
weekend fun & happiness
we had our ups and downs this weekend, but we did get out for a fun walk and i snagged some photos....
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
self portrait
The boy child apparently took a photo of himself while on the computer. I found it while going through my photos file. Gotta love that stink eye he's giving.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
facing fears & happiness
i have a fear of heights. and i just made reservations for june to go parasailing. nothing like hitting a fear head-on, right? i am hoping since it is at my happy place (aka. walt disney world) i will be able to handle this no problem. i am plan to take some awesome photos while enjoying my time in the sky. check out this video for a promo about it.
Monday, November 7, 2011
judging others
We all do it. Judging others. Even though we have the best of intentions, we do it. Today I was reminded of how cruel people could be and that just when you think you might know someone, they can surprise you. I know I have made comments about a friend named Karma for a few people, but to take delight in someone else's misfortune or unhappiness, I just cannot understand. I am struggling with life and the choices and challenges it presents us. I am unsure of what path to take and it is weighing heavily on my mind.
quick happy
friday: an enjoyable evening with my husband and the boy child that included shopping and a meal out.
weekend happiness: no work. gut busting laughter with my kids. farts - hey, they are funny!
today: i am struggling with a positive mood today for many reasons. but i will fall back on my every monday happiness.....Castle night on tv. what a fun way to end a crappy day.
weekend happiness: no work. gut busting laughter with my kids. farts - hey, they are funny!
today: i am struggling with a positive mood today for many reasons. but i will fall back on my every monday happiness.....Castle night on tv. what a fun way to end a crappy day.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
dancing happiness
bellydance class this evening. total happiness and just what i needed. the current choreo is a bit challenging for me which is a good thing. a friend from work is attending this session and it's fun to see her having a good time trying something new.
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