"You will only be surrounded by annoying people and frustrating situations until you learn not to get annoyed or frustrated. Then you will only see them as people and situations, nothing more."
I am fighting my schema, or framework, tonight. I got stuck, and still am a bit, in my traits. Traits that I am working through and beyond, but it is the framework and has been for 30+ years.
I'm not sure where things are going from here. I feel like my relationship may be at a crossroads. Only, I'm the only one that probably feels that way. Which is part of the problem.
I am fighting shame and fear so hard tonight. And self-deprecation. And the knowledge as well as knee jerk reaction of self sacrifice.
Fear of abandonment, fear of lack of perceived control, fear of the intensity of my emotions, fear of happiness, fear of being authentic. And I continue on the merry-go-round. I continue to create and encourage chaos in my life. For so many reasons.
I have no ownership over his actions. He is responsible for himself and I can only choose how I react.