Bam, nothing like a photo of myself to start out this post. However, I did it for a reason. That lady (yes, me) deserves to love herself, to think she is worthy, and to know it will all be okay. To the little girl hiding inside her that just wants to be loved, without question, without judgement, and without expectation....you are loved.
Some of this is going to be ramble as there are many thoughts racing through my brain at the moment. Stick with me, please. Many thanks!
I know some hate the selfie craze that has taken hold with so many people, but for me it's been a great thing. I didn't find myself in a great deal of photos up until a few years ago; some because I'm usually the one behind the camera and two because of the way I felt about myself & the fears I had. Selfies have been an amazing thing for me once I started following a group of ladies (#365feministselfies) on Instagram last year. See a great explanation here. To be able to show the real you, not always the "made up" you. I think that's pretty awesome and was something I could get behind. Myself and other women should feel comfortable being ourselves, for showing our everyday faces, and sharing that love with each other. And so, I have become much more comfortable having my photo taken. And I intend to continue taking selfies or having my photo taken; it's a beautiful thing.
And here comes a difficult photo to share....
Low point? The ugly? Not sure what to call it, but this is a side shot of me today. As in 10 minutes ago. I started following some fat-to-fit accounts on Instagram and one of the ladies shared that she was so thankful to have the side shot comparisons 9 months into her journey. And with that inspiration, here is my starting point today. 240.2 pounds of me (ouch, that hurt to put out there). I certainly am not happy with how I feel, how I look, and the concerns of tomorrow's health, so begins this journey. #operationlovemyself I'm calling it.
This isn't about losing weight. It's about transforming fully into myself. To stop hiding behind the weight and to stop living in so much fear. This is a journey that has been in the making, I've been working with a therapist for 2+ years on personal stuff and that work will continue. Heck, that work work will be a lifetime journey in itself. I've worked to set up tools & techniques and will continue adding more to my life in order to be the healthiest me I can be.
Emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically.
I've been trying to create more movement within my day. From parking further away in a parking lot, to taking the stairs, to yard work, etc. This morning I hopped on the bike for a quick two mile ride. About 20 seconds of it sucked, but the rest made me feel wonderful. And almost an hour later, I'm still feeling the energy high.
Since part of my wellness journey is to engage my right brain more with creativity and play as well as inviting more movement, I want to write about my journey. It's not for you, dear read, but for me. Without being disrespectful, I don't care if anyone reads this. This is my space to write and express my journey, for me. I just happen to have a public space to do so in. However, if you do stop by for a read now and then, please feel free to offer some encouragement and love. Ack, asking for that was almost as painful as sharing the photo and weight. I would so greatly appreciate knowing others out there are supportive.
And on that closing note, be well everyone!