This morning the dog comes in from his morning routine and promptly settles in to cleaning himself. As regularly scheduled, I hear "oh, gross" and "Chewie's cleaning his penis pocket again. Eww!" from the kiddos. I always catch myself from wanting to call that 'penis pocket' a sheath. Don't know why. I have no idea if that is the technical body part name for it or not. But whenever I think of the word "sheath," I think of this scene from Gladiator. I can see into the future that I'll be some old grey hair with a male dog, chasing him around yelling "Sheath your sword!"
And that folks, is simply how my brain works.
Showing posts with label parenting the halfings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenting the halfings. Show all posts
Monday, October 14, 2013
Thursday, August 22, 2013
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
jokester
My 7yo son LOVES to tell jokes. Jokes that you can't help but laugh at because they make no sense whatsoever. Knock knock jokes are his specialty. Here is an example of one of this morning's jokes....
Him: "Knock knock"
Me: "Who's there?"
Him: "Boob"
Me, pausing and giving him a look before I reply: "Boob who?"
Him: "Aren't you glad you don't have big boobs?"
This results in huge, belly-busting laughter on my part because 1) the joke makes no sense and 2) I have big boobs. This joke led to a few jokes about butts and penises. (He is in love with talking about "inappropriate" things right now.) That led to me putting my mom hat on and reminding him to tell "clean" jokes. And he replies with a joke about poop. Which was doubling funny (or shall I say punny) and had me turning around so he couldn't see me smile. Egads, that kid makes me smile.
PS. Blogger tells me this is my 900th post. I want to cross 1000 this year yet. :) Thanks for reading.
Him: "Knock knock"
Me: "Who's there?"
Him: "Boob"
Me, pausing and giving him a look before I reply: "Boob who?"
Him: "Aren't you glad you don't have big boobs?"
This results in huge, belly-busting laughter on my part because 1) the joke makes no sense and 2) I have big boobs. This joke led to a few jokes about butts and penises. (He is in love with talking about "inappropriate" things right now.) That led to me putting my mom hat on and reminding him to tell "clean" jokes. And he replies with a joke about poop. Which was doubling funny (or shall I say punny) and had me turning around so he couldn't see me smile. Egads, that kid makes me smile.
PS. Blogger tells me this is my 900th post. I want to cross 1000 this year yet. :) Thanks for reading.
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
exhausting
Last night I made the comment that I wish we had video cameras in the house so others can really see what life is life with SPD and anxiety. In particular, our family. The boy child's engine was on high ALL NIGHT LONG, no matter what we tried for strategies. And just when we thought he was coming down and was heading towards bed, he thought he heard a noise in his room. This led to an hour long battle challenge of working through the "there's a monster in my room" issue.
Screaming. Sweating. Rigid body. Crying. Hiding. Fear. Talking a mile a minute (although this isn't much different from other daily moments). Back to terror. Us looking at each other wondering what the hell set this off and how can we bring him down.
Eventually we got him calmed down and he started off the night in his own bed. Whew. It was one of those anxiety moments that I wish others could witness. It wouldn't make me feel so alone at times, especially when trying to explain it to family & friends.
Screaming. Sweating. Rigid body. Crying. Hiding. Fear. Talking a mile a minute (although this isn't much different from other daily moments). Back to terror. Us looking at each other wondering what the hell set this off and how can we bring him down.
Eventually we got him calmed down and he started off the night in his own bed. Whew. It was one of those anxiety moments that I wish others could witness. It wouldn't make me feel so alone at times, especially when trying to explain it to family & friends.
tone
sometimes i wish he could hear himself speak and how the message comes across. to me, to the children. they get the message loud and clear that they are disrupting his world even without the words.
Sunday, March 31, 2013
December Vacation Recap
Tomorrow will be five months since we departed for our December Disney Vacay and here is a recap because I am in the mood for happy thoughts this afternoon. :)
The Good: Visiting WDW during the holiday season. It's awesome. One of my favorite times of the year to visit the World.
The WTF: Two days before we leave, we learn that our airline tickets have been "cancelled" according to Delta. They said we had cancelled the flights right after my dad made them in early spring 2012. Raaaa-ight. I don't think so, check the glitch in your computer. Panic. Almost my biggest freak out, evah. My dad works to get us back in business, but it will be an adventure from the sounds of it. No assigned seats, no seats from MSP to our local airport so we'll have to drive. Just get me on vacation!
The Surprise: The next day, my dad figures out he has enough reward miles that ALL of us can fly FIRST CLASS! Yes, my loud, energetic kids flew first class. And they were awesome on the flights!!
The "Oh Shit!": Fifteen minutes prior to leaving for the airport, Jason asks if I have our annual passes. Um, nope. Totally spaced it out. Went to get them out of the small safe and discover the key is broken off & half of it is left in the safe. Panic. Freak out #2. Thankfully he is able to get the other half of the key lined up and the lock engages & unlocks. Whew, panic over. Can we seriously get on this freakin' vacation!
The Good: Ari being silly. Enough said.
The Never-Again: We were lucky enough to um, ahem, enjoy two family vacation in 2012. I love being able to share WDW with my family, however what I have learned about myself and my immediate family is that we need our space. Dealing with two kidlets who have some extra needs is demanding enough. Add in worrying about making sure others are happy and that our kids' issues are not trespassing on them is just too much. I will gladly vacation at the same time with family again. However, we will NOT be staying in the same room/villa/whatever again. It is just too stressful for me. I have good memories of each of the vacations, but the stress of the vacations is one of my foremost memories for each. And that's not what I want my vacations to be about.
The Good: Kids with camera. They each had some fun and now have added cameras to their wish lists.
The Lesson-Learned: Vacationing with family is wonderful, however time apart is very important. I mean, think about it...you live with a partner and love/like that person, but not 100% of the time. There is probably something they do that is slightly annoying, whatever. Going on vacation with family and spending 100% of the time together is too much togetherness for my family. We need breaks from each other to truly enjoy the time spent together. I tell this to my Disney clients all the time, but it's easier said than done.
The Odd: I became oddly fascinated by the theming of the garbage/recycling containers.
The Good: Favorite Spot at Animal Kingdom. Prime photo locale I love.
The Regret: Not taking enough photos of things I wanted to capture. And that just won't happen unless I get time to myself or perhaps it's just J and I.
The Bad: Well, I guess I could say it's a good, but I HATE bird aviaries. Seriously dislike them. However, I went through it with my daughter to make her happy.
The Funny: Getting my dad to try the Beverly at Epcot. The kids thought it was hilarious!
The Eye-rolling: my dad wearing a Hooter's shirt at a Disney theme park.
The Good: Flowers in December, always a beautiful sight. One of my favorite things about WDW is the landscaping and flowers. I am always finding a new flower to enjoy and come home with loads of flower photos.
The Relief: With issues of behavior, we were a bit worried how things would go this vacay. And while there were a few meltdowns, for the most part the kids were awesome! Take that SPD and ADHD! We came prepared and with a plan to manage the stressors, the overwhelmed moments, and more. And it helped tremendously.
The Good/The Bad: time spent in the new Fantasyland expansion at Magic Kingdom. Got to ride The Little Mermaid twice in a row with no wait. But did not spend nearly enough time here.
The Awesomesauce: Taking a silly face photo while on Spaceship Earth and laughing so hard each time we see the photo during the ride. It was almost a "pee my pants" moment. :)
The Bad turned Good: The kids were melting down, so were we. We separated from my parents and were hoping to turn things around, or at least find a spot to stuff them in. It was not one of the finer moments of the vacation, lots of yelling, sassing, eye-rolling and tears. What a difference 10 minutes can make. Yummy treats and coming across this performance, which had us dancing and singing in the front row. Phoenix got to play the cow bell and ended up with a guitar pick after he told the band they were "awesome" at the end.
The Brave: I rode Tower of Terror for my daughter. And I was quaking inside the entire time waiting in line. And I screamed like a little kid during the ride. I was told by my 9yo to "face my fears" and after her doing so on this trip (and the one in June), how could I not?!
So there are the highlights. It was a trip in which we came home with good memories and as usual, needed a vacation from our vacation. It was a fabulous time!
The Good: Visiting WDW during the holiday season. It's awesome. One of my favorite times of the year to visit the World.
The WTF: Two days before we leave, we learn that our airline tickets have been "cancelled" according to Delta. They said we had cancelled the flights right after my dad made them in early spring 2012. Raaaa-ight. I don't think so, check the glitch in your computer. Panic. Almost my biggest freak out, evah. My dad works to get us back in business, but it will be an adventure from the sounds of it. No assigned seats, no seats from MSP to our local airport so we'll have to drive. Just get me on vacation!
The Surprise: The next day, my dad figures out he has enough reward miles that ALL of us can fly FIRST CLASS! Yes, my loud, energetic kids flew first class. And they were awesome on the flights!!
The "Oh Shit!": Fifteen minutes prior to leaving for the airport, Jason asks if I have our annual passes. Um, nope. Totally spaced it out. Went to get them out of the small safe and discover the key is broken off & half of it is left in the safe. Panic. Freak out #2. Thankfully he is able to get the other half of the key lined up and the lock engages & unlocks. Whew, panic over. Can we seriously get on this freakin' vacation!
The Good: Ari being silly. Enough said.
The Never-Again: We were lucky enough to um, ahem, enjoy two family vacation in 2012. I love being able to share WDW with my family, however what I have learned about myself and my immediate family is that we need our space. Dealing with two kidlets who have some extra needs is demanding enough. Add in worrying about making sure others are happy and that our kids' issues are not trespassing on them is just too much. I will gladly vacation at the same time with family again. However, we will NOT be staying in the same room/villa/whatever again. It is just too stressful for me. I have good memories of each of the vacations, but the stress of the vacations is one of my foremost memories for each. And that's not what I want my vacations to be about.
The Good: Kids with camera. They each had some fun and now have added cameras to their wish lists.
The Lesson-Learned: Vacationing with family is wonderful, however time apart is very important. I mean, think about it...you live with a partner and love/like that person, but not 100% of the time. There is probably something they do that is slightly annoying, whatever. Going on vacation with family and spending 100% of the time together is too much togetherness for my family. We need breaks from each other to truly enjoy the time spent together. I tell this to my Disney clients all the time, but it's easier said than done.
The Good: Favorite Spot at Animal Kingdom. Prime photo locale I love.
The Regret: Not taking enough photos of things I wanted to capture. And that just won't happen unless I get time to myself or perhaps it's just J and I.
The Bad: Well, I guess I could say it's a good, but I HATE bird aviaries. Seriously dislike them. However, I went through it with my daughter to make her happy.
The Funny: Getting my dad to try the Beverly at Epcot. The kids thought it was hilarious!
The Eye-rolling: my dad wearing a Hooter's shirt at a Disney theme park.
The Good: Flowers in December, always a beautiful sight. One of my favorite things about WDW is the landscaping and flowers. I am always finding a new flower to enjoy and come home with loads of flower photos.
The Relief: With issues of behavior, we were a bit worried how things would go this vacay. And while there were a few meltdowns, for the most part the kids were awesome! Take that SPD and ADHD! We came prepared and with a plan to manage the stressors, the overwhelmed moments, and more. And it helped tremendously.
The Good/The Bad: time spent in the new Fantasyland expansion at Magic Kingdom. Got to ride The Little Mermaid twice in a row with no wait. But did not spend nearly enough time here.
The Awesomesauce: Taking a silly face photo while on Spaceship Earth and laughing so hard each time we see the photo during the ride. It was almost a "pee my pants" moment. :)
The Bad turned Good: The kids were melting down, so were we. We separated from my parents and were hoping to turn things around, or at least find a spot to stuff them in. It was not one of the finer moments of the vacation, lots of yelling, sassing, eye-rolling and tears. What a difference 10 minutes can make. Yummy treats and coming across this performance, which had us dancing and singing in the front row. Phoenix got to play the cow bell and ended up with a guitar pick after he told the band they were "awesome" at the end.
 |
| Mulch, Sweat & Shears |
The Brave: I rode Tower of Terror for my daughter. And I was quaking inside the entire time waiting in line. And I screamed like a little kid during the ride. I was told by my 9yo to "face my fears" and after her doing so on this trip (and the one in June), how could I not?!
So there are the highlights. It was a trip in which we came home with good memories and as usual, needed a vacation from our vacation. It was a fabulous time!
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
step one
we, or more precisely i, made the decision to have the children officially evaluated for sensory processing disorder (SPD) the other week. what a squeaky wheel. called OT and they need a referral from a doctor. called the pedi and talked with two nurses about said referral and then waited three days to hear back if the pedi would make the referral. late friday, we got the news she would and now i have been waiting again. it's wednesday and no news. so i call the pedi and yes, the referrals were faxed over. call OT services and yes, they have received the referrals. however, there is usually a waiting list for OT so she needs to check with the therapist to find out how soon she can get us in. we'll get a call back when they can schedule us.
deep breath denise. in. out. in. out.
i need to remind myself we have taken step one. the referral is done and in the hands of those who need it. now it's just a waiting game. and in the meantime, struggling to find new and effective ways to help my kids manage themselves.
deep breath denise. in. out. in. out.
i need to remind myself we have taken step one. the referral is done and in the hands of those who need it. now it's just a waiting game. and in the meantime, struggling to find new and effective ways to help my kids manage themselves.
Sunday, November 25, 2012
a load of thankfulness
soooo, here goes a truck load of thankfulness. be patient with me. and read them all, i may sneak a gut-buster in there. #you never know.
7 - i am really freakin' thankful for my iPhone. completely rubbish thing to be thankful for, but i just love it. so very much.
8 - i unplugged from technology (besides our dvd & tv) for more hours than i expected to this last week. it was full of awesomeness. and i didn't miss it.
9 - tonight i am very thankful for my large hospital mug i got when the boy child was in the hospital in jan. it holds a fantastic amount of liquids. could be a mixed drink or could be water, either way i can suck on that baby for a long time. (did you laugh at that one?)
10 - i am extremely thankful that i am not ill. my husband, on the other hand, is. and somehow it is just as painful for me.
11 - we had a very bountiful thanksgiving meal and for that i am thankful. thankful we could provide that for our family. thanksgiving has not been a huge deal in my family, but we've carved (ha ha!) out our own little tradition in the last few years.
12 - i am incredibly thankful for friends who can make me laugh. you know who you are. the lightheartedness means more to me than you can ever know.
13 - the hubster, even though he is waaaayy annoying today with his illness, i am thankful for him. we have weathered some really big storms and i know life is not easy with me, thanks for working with me to make this crazy life of ours work the best way for us. i am not perfect and i make mistakes, but you have stuck by me and i appreciate that.
14 - i adore the movies. and having gone to the movies twice within one week is spectacular! the upcoming months will prove to be just as delightful with many movies on my "want-to-see" list. nothing like the big screen.
15 - tampons are awesome. i want to give thanks that pads are not part of my monthly attire. (sorry, guys) (ladies, you know what i am talking about)
16 - we are heading out on vacation this next week and i am very thankful about many a things about that vacay. 16A: my dad's delta points getting us airfare 16B: people watching at Disney, there's simply nothing better 16C: the holidays at Disney, extra magical 16D: no work for the week!
17 - my cousin and her partner are having a shindig next fall. and they asked me to be a part of it. how freakin' awesome, and i am so thankful for the both of them. i have always supported marriage equality, however having those two in my life has allowed myself to grow with my support for equality. i am thankful nikki has found the one and vice versa. they make each other better people and are just plain fun to be around.
18 - my mom came across my grandfather's wedding band and she gave it to me last week. while my grandparents divorced shortly after i was born and i do not recall them being together, i am very appreciative of the token. something to keep on my person, if i wish, that is tangible. he's been gone for 18 years.
19 - i have chosen to look at my preeclampsia experience with gratitude. i have met some amazing individuals as a result of my involvement with the PF and have been involved in some AWEsome things as a result. i am able to appreciate my life and my children in a way I could never have dreamed of before.
20 - i am weird. and i like it. i never imagined being thankful for not usually being the odd person out, but in the last few years (in particular this year) i have embraced this and myself. if you do not like it or accept me for who i am, that is your issue not mine. i am a geek who loves star wars and lotr, a nerd who loves to read. and acceptance is a beautiful thing.
21 - choices, i am so very thankful for choices. we have the ability to make choices about our lives. choices that lead us into a different direction, choices that may be the most difficult we ever make, choices on simple things. not everyone may support those choices, but they are ours to make and ours alone.
alright, i think that is it for tonight. my attention span is beginning to wane.
7 - i am really freakin' thankful for my iPhone. completely rubbish thing to be thankful for, but i just love it. so very much.
8 - i unplugged from technology (besides our dvd & tv) for more hours than i expected to this last week. it was full of awesomeness. and i didn't miss it.
9 - tonight i am very thankful for my large hospital mug i got when the boy child was in the hospital in jan. it holds a fantastic amount of liquids. could be a mixed drink or could be water, either way i can suck on that baby for a long time. (did you laugh at that one?)
10 - i am extremely thankful that i am not ill. my husband, on the other hand, is. and somehow it is just as painful for me.
11 - we had a very bountiful thanksgiving meal and for that i am thankful. thankful we could provide that for our family. thanksgiving has not been a huge deal in my family, but we've carved (ha ha!) out our own little tradition in the last few years.
12 - i am incredibly thankful for friends who can make me laugh. you know who you are. the lightheartedness means more to me than you can ever know.
13 - the hubster, even though he is waaaayy annoying today with his illness, i am thankful for him. we have weathered some really big storms and i know life is not easy with me, thanks for working with me to make this crazy life of ours work the best way for us. i am not perfect and i make mistakes, but you have stuck by me and i appreciate that.
14 - i adore the movies. and having gone to the movies twice within one week is spectacular! the upcoming months will prove to be just as delightful with many movies on my "want-to-see" list. nothing like the big screen.
15 - tampons are awesome. i want to give thanks that pads are not part of my monthly attire. (sorry, guys) (ladies, you know what i am talking about)
16 - we are heading out on vacation this next week and i am very thankful about many a things about that vacay. 16A: my dad's delta points getting us airfare 16B: people watching at Disney, there's simply nothing better 16C: the holidays at Disney, extra magical 16D: no work for the week!
17 - my cousin and her partner are having a shindig next fall. and they asked me to be a part of it. how freakin' awesome, and i am so thankful for the both of them. i have always supported marriage equality, however having those two in my life has allowed myself to grow with my support for equality. i am thankful nikki has found the one and vice versa. they make each other better people and are just plain fun to be around.
18 - my mom came across my grandfather's wedding band and she gave it to me last week. while my grandparents divorced shortly after i was born and i do not recall them being together, i am very appreciative of the token. something to keep on my person, if i wish, that is tangible. he's been gone for 18 years.
19 - i have chosen to look at my preeclampsia experience with gratitude. i have met some amazing individuals as a result of my involvement with the PF and have been involved in some AWEsome things as a result. i am able to appreciate my life and my children in a way I could never have dreamed of before.
20 - i am weird. and i like it. i never imagined being thankful for not usually being the odd person out, but in the last few years (in particular this year) i have embraced this and myself. if you do not like it or accept me for who i am, that is your issue not mine. i am a geek who loves star wars and lotr, a nerd who loves to read. and acceptance is a beautiful thing.
21 - choices, i am so very thankful for choices. we have the ability to make choices about our lives. choices that lead us into a different direction, choices that may be the most difficult we ever make, choices on simple things. not everyone may support those choices, but they are ours to make and ours alone.
alright, i think that is it for tonight. my attention span is beginning to wane.
Monday, November 5, 2012
Thankful Items 3, 4, and 5
so rather than days, i am going to post my thankful items. it just works much better with life.
thankful item #3 - i am thankful i can provide for my kids. as a child who grew up on AFDC (old version of welfare) and didn't figure out others didn't shop at goodwill for their school clothes until about 4th grade, i am so fucking thankful i can provide new, clean clothing for my kids. that i can purchase ALL of their school supplies, even if it may be painful to the checkbook to do so. that my kids can attend swim lessons and other activities without worry. that there is always a christmas or birthday gift, or something just because.
thankful item #4 - i am thankful for my tall-ass hot chocolate from Starbucks on Saturday.
thankful item #5 - i am thankful for a safe environment for myself and my family. violence is not something my children have to witness between their parents. while we may not always have our shit together, we always come out on top...together.
thankful item #3 - i am thankful i can provide for my kids. as a child who grew up on AFDC (old version of welfare) and didn't figure out others didn't shop at goodwill for their school clothes until about 4th grade, i am so fucking thankful i can provide new, clean clothing for my kids. that i can purchase ALL of their school supplies, even if it may be painful to the checkbook to do so. that my kids can attend swim lessons and other activities without worry. that there is always a christmas or birthday gift, or something just because.
thankful item #4 - i am thankful for my tall-ass hot chocolate from Starbucks on Saturday.
thankful item #5 - i am thankful for a safe environment for myself and my family. violence is not something my children have to witness between their parents. while we may not always have our shit together, we always come out on top...together.
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
many things
several things rank high on the happy meter today. it was the first day of school for the halfings and it went well. no notes home (or phone calls) on the younger halfing and the eldest is super happy that the subjects of math and social studies do not begin until next week. i have been anxious about the school year for both as they have both had some issues over the summer, but today the school year started off great. i also worked my schedule to not work today, i got some shopping done, had lunch with J and got some computer work done this afternoon. it was amazing.
i had the mop on my head lobbed off this morning. i love my new do' and it feels amazing.
ironman wi is just days away. need i say more? i am excited to get my spectator on!
i just read that over 5000 households are without power in our area this evening after a storm rolled through. i am very thankful and happy that we are not one of them. simple, right?
i had the mop on my head lobbed off this morning. i love my new do' and it feels amazing.
ironman wi is just days away. need i say more? i am excited to get my spectator on!
i just read that over 5000 households are without power in our area this evening after a storm rolled through. i am very thankful and happy that we are not one of them. simple, right?
Monday, August 27, 2012
fish nickels
yes, i am fully aware i have not posted anything in the last three days. it's been one heck of a weekend, but focusing on the positive has mostly remained strong. here are the hilights and the lowlights of the last several days.
- both kids have been diagnosed with adhd and we now have both on medication. (no judgements, if you want to expound about how i shouldn't put my kids on meds, you can quite frankly go shit yourself.) kidlet 1 has been on meds for some time and the other will start tomorrow. and i am really crossing my fingers for some positive reaction for kidlet 2. he really could use it.
- i seriously am about crafted out after hitting several projects for J's party this weekend. but i have some artwork to create yet for the following weekend as i participate in the fun sport of Ironman WI spectatorship.
- i do not really talk about my side business much, but i do just have to post a slight rant. it will make me feel better. if you are going to contact a travel agent to book your trip and that person indicates that they will monitor for discounts, you do not need to email that person twice in one day to ask about the discount. that person has taken care of it but has not had the opportunity to email you yet.
- a friend found out she has a softball size tumor on her uterus last week and will be heading into surgery near the end of this week. that sucks. no other words for it. hoping with all that i have that it is nothing and the surgery is the end of it for her.
- watching Ironman Louisville last evening (thanks to my IM pal, Sep). what a freaking amazing experience. it makes me even more excited for Sept 9th
- i read a fb status today in which a child declared "fish nickels" as an expletive and after a session with the developmental pediatrician this morning and further tweaking a plan for kidlet 2, we were in need of a expletive to say as he has been saying some other choice word. and our family has now adopted "fish nickels" as our family swear word. it makes me giggle which is the point. hopefully it will do the same for him.
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
friends
my kids are in the pool with some "friends" and they are driving me batty! they are brothers and the oldest one is in A's class. he was over quite a bit at the start of last summer and we ultimately had to put a quash on him coming over as he was very inappropriate at times. he seems to be better this summer, so while we are allowing him over to play, we have made the decision to provide adult supervision at all times. which leads me to today.
the boys came over with their swim trunks and asking to play with A in the pool. A didn't want to play, but P did. A eventually head out. the boys are so freakin rough and loud. i thought my kids were loud, but fuck, they have nothing on these two. they are not rough on my kids, but with each other. however every time they are over, my kids (in particular P) ramp up their behavior. and it never ends well. i've been counting down the minutes and the one does not want to get out of the pool. (insert rolling eyes here) it has taken me 2 minutes to strongly encourage him to get out and get ready to leave.
this afternoon is a good reminder to limit time with these two boys. they are not allowed over when gma is here alone with the kids and they are only allowed to play for 30 minutes or so. no more than one hour for sure. and i think i need to schedule some other play dates where some other friends come over.
........only two more minutes with them.
ETA: it took me 11 minutes to be rid of them.
the boys came over with their swim trunks and asking to play with A in the pool. A didn't want to play, but P did. A eventually head out. the boys are so freakin rough and loud. i thought my kids were loud, but fuck, they have nothing on these two. they are not rough on my kids, but with each other. however every time they are over, my kids (in particular P) ramp up their behavior. and it never ends well. i've been counting down the minutes and the one does not want to get out of the pool. (insert rolling eyes here) it has taken me 2 minutes to strongly encourage him to get out and get ready to leave.
this afternoon is a good reminder to limit time with these two boys. they are not allowed over when gma is here alone with the kids and they are only allowed to play for 30 minutes or so. no more than one hour for sure. and i think i need to schedule some other play dates where some other friends come over.
........only two more minutes with them.
ETA: it took me 11 minutes to be rid of them.
Monday, January 9, 2012
rough week
The boy child had his tonsils & adenoid out last week. And it has been a rough go of it since. Ended up in the ER the same evening for a post-tonsil surgery bleed that cleared up by the time we made it to the ER (of course). Then over the weekend, he continued his protest against fluids and food so back to the ER it was yesterday. And he ended up being admitted until he could maintain his own hydration. Which took place this morning. Hooray!
I admit I am pretty cool when it comes to my kids have surgery. They have each been under before so I do not really get nervous. But the worry this child caused over the last week has rung me out. He is so damn stubborn. (Hmmm, where does he get that from, I wonder?) He looked so frail and scared yesterday, it took everything in me to not burst into worrisome tears.
But we survived, thankfully. The most awesome part of all this is that he is already sleeping better!
I admit I am pretty cool when it comes to my kids have surgery. They have each been under before so I do not really get nervous. But the worry this child caused over the last week has rung me out. He is so damn stubborn. (Hmmm, where does he get that from, I wonder?) He looked so frail and scared yesterday, it took everything in me to not burst into worrisome tears.
But we survived, thankfully. The most awesome part of all this is that he is already sleeping better!
Sunday, November 20, 2011
lost
i hate to be another downer post, but i need to get it out. i am lost. lost in how to help my children. i feel as if we are being pulled in a thousand different directions and still are no closer to answers. focusing on one more than the other over the last several months and wondering if that is kicking our asses now. i cannot even begin to describe the depth of emotion running through me this evening. just when i think we have crossed one hurdle another presents itself. and i do not know where to turn next. we literally have been missing at least 2-4 hours of work each week to take one child to therapy. and now we will have to get the other back into regular therapy, which adds more time. i 100% know it is necessary, but it does not make it any easier to swallow.
i am drowning. drowning in stress, drowning in being overwhelmed. and i am angry. so fucking angry. angry that i at times feel as if we just keep spinning our wheels. that we take a step forward and then two steps back. that i sometimes feel like i do not know how much more of myself i can give. that my partner has begun to fall back into old habits and i again feel alone.
work fucking sucks. i dread each morning i know i have to walk into that toxic environment. the job itself is not bad, but the management and decisions coming down from the higher ups stink, quite frankly. i had my ass smoozed, or at least attempted to be smoozed, at the end of the week and as i sat there addressing a few concerns i knew she was not truly hearing what i had to say. she responded with her pat answers that were meant to appease me and feel like she actually gives two shits about me as a person. and then i find out hours later that one of the issues i addressed she had info on and a decision has been made that fucks me at work, again. i am deciding how big of a war to wage and how far i can push things. i need a job to help provide financially for my family and to help my own sanity, but the stress of my current full-time employment is eating me alive and i am struggling with dealing with the stress of it.
the boy child has been going to therapy weekly and i can certainly appreciate the fact that he has made leaps & bounds improvement since summer, heck he is a different kid from the summer. but this week and last he is ramping back up and we have had struggles almost each day. he had a consult for a sleep study this past week and will have a sleep study done just before christmas. he also had a consult the other week with ent for tonsil & adenoid removal which was scheduled for the first week of dec. but the pedi neurologist would like the sleep study done prior to the t&a surgery, so that surgery has now been pushed off until early jan. we still have questions as to what is going on with him, why he does not sleep well, wondering if the night terrors will ever go away. on a brighter note, he has made tremendous progress with his behavior at school. i am crossing every body part i have in hopes that we have more answers come february. it has been his turn for the "one thing after another" ride and i am ready to get off the attraction anytime now.
the girl child has been doing well. at least up until a few weeks ago. she has started to have some sassiness and frustration edge back in. i thought perhaps it could be hormones starting to kick in, but we have seen an increase in the last week or so. she has been angry. she has been snotty. she has resorted to her animal noises so much lately. and if i ask her if anything is bothering her, she replies there is nothing. but in the last 24 hours, it has become very apparent that something is not right. she has a check in with the psychiatrist this week and we had planned to be discussing taking her off her meds come the new year, but at this point we intend to ask to keep her on and possibly raise her dose. which is not easy to think of doing, but if it needs to happen it will. she is lashing out at us and then retreats into her self blame. and it just fucking breaks my heart to witness.
j and i discussed how things are going tonight in regards to the kids. he stated he does not know what to do or how to handle things. i understand because i feel the same damn way every damn day. but i am also frustrated because i am the one still reading books and listening podcasts/audiobooks for tips on how to help our kids. he said he wonders at times if she has problems because of the way we raised her, if we did not provide good enough boundaries with her, etc. my gut reaction is to say "fuck that" but it is also in my mind. i constantly wonder if i passed along a genetic disposition to depression or if something got messed up due to my pregnancy. i feel like i did something to make this happen. i know logically that is untrue, but i still feel it.
i feel like a failure when i do not know how to help my kids. when they are struggling and in need and i have no answers. when i try and try and some days it seems to make no difference. and on those days when i am empty and can simply do nothing more than retreat myself. but i know that i am doing what i need to to help my kids. at times that is difficult to recall however.
i feel lost. that i do not know which end is up or what way to take next. decisions that are not difficult have become difficult. i am not sleeping well. definitely not eating well. managing stress is not my strong suit at this moment in my life. each day it becomes more and more laborious to put on the happy face and pretend like life is awesome or easy. i am losing my positivity which i hold so dear.
i am drowning. drowning in stress, drowning in being overwhelmed. and i am angry. so fucking angry. angry that i at times feel as if we just keep spinning our wheels. that we take a step forward and then two steps back. that i sometimes feel like i do not know how much more of myself i can give. that my partner has begun to fall back into old habits and i again feel alone.
work fucking sucks. i dread each morning i know i have to walk into that toxic environment. the job itself is not bad, but the management and decisions coming down from the higher ups stink, quite frankly. i had my ass smoozed, or at least attempted to be smoozed, at the end of the week and as i sat there addressing a few concerns i knew she was not truly hearing what i had to say. she responded with her pat answers that were meant to appease me and feel like she actually gives two shits about me as a person. and then i find out hours later that one of the issues i addressed she had info on and a decision has been made that fucks me at work, again. i am deciding how big of a war to wage and how far i can push things. i need a job to help provide financially for my family and to help my own sanity, but the stress of my current full-time employment is eating me alive and i am struggling with dealing with the stress of it.
the boy child has been going to therapy weekly and i can certainly appreciate the fact that he has made leaps & bounds improvement since summer, heck he is a different kid from the summer. but this week and last he is ramping back up and we have had struggles almost each day. he had a consult for a sleep study this past week and will have a sleep study done just before christmas. he also had a consult the other week with ent for tonsil & adenoid removal which was scheduled for the first week of dec. but the pedi neurologist would like the sleep study done prior to the t&a surgery, so that surgery has now been pushed off until early jan. we still have questions as to what is going on with him, why he does not sleep well, wondering if the night terrors will ever go away. on a brighter note, he has made tremendous progress with his behavior at school. i am crossing every body part i have in hopes that we have more answers come february. it has been his turn for the "one thing after another" ride and i am ready to get off the attraction anytime now.
the girl child has been doing well. at least up until a few weeks ago. she has started to have some sassiness and frustration edge back in. i thought perhaps it could be hormones starting to kick in, but we have seen an increase in the last week or so. she has been angry. she has been snotty. she has resorted to her animal noises so much lately. and if i ask her if anything is bothering her, she replies there is nothing. but in the last 24 hours, it has become very apparent that something is not right. she has a check in with the psychiatrist this week and we had planned to be discussing taking her off her meds come the new year, but at this point we intend to ask to keep her on and possibly raise her dose. which is not easy to think of doing, but if it needs to happen it will. she is lashing out at us and then retreats into her self blame. and it just fucking breaks my heart to witness.
j and i discussed how things are going tonight in regards to the kids. he stated he does not know what to do or how to handle things. i understand because i feel the same damn way every damn day. but i am also frustrated because i am the one still reading books and listening podcasts/audiobooks for tips on how to help our kids. he said he wonders at times if she has problems because of the way we raised her, if we did not provide good enough boundaries with her, etc. my gut reaction is to say "fuck that" but it is also in my mind. i constantly wonder if i passed along a genetic disposition to depression or if something got messed up due to my pregnancy. i feel like i did something to make this happen. i know logically that is untrue, but i still feel it.
i feel like a failure when i do not know how to help my kids. when they are struggling and in need and i have no answers. when i try and try and some days it seems to make no difference. and on those days when i am empty and can simply do nothing more than retreat myself. but i know that i am doing what i need to to help my kids. at times that is difficult to recall however.
i feel lost. that i do not know which end is up or what way to take next. decisions that are not difficult have become difficult. i am not sleeping well. definitely not eating well. managing stress is not my strong suit at this moment in my life. each day it becomes more and more laborious to put on the happy face and pretend like life is awesome or easy. i am losing my positivity which i hold so dear.
Monday, November 14, 2011
weekend fun & happiness
we had our ups and downs this weekend, but we did get out for a fun walk and i snagged some photos....
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
self portrait
The boy child apparently took a photo of himself while on the computer. I found it while going through my photos file. Gotta love that stink eye he's giving.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
difficult week
it has been an interesting and difficult week so i have been sucking, to say the least, on posting for my little happiness project. the point was to think positively on a shitty day, but that has been difficult the last few days. i have been feeling way out of sorts and quite irritable. work sucks major ding dong. the kids have been just awesome...not. so here i am back on the bubble for happiness.
sunday/monday - shitty mood, but fun trick-or-treating with the kids
tuesday - took a day off for mental health, spent the majority of the daytime hours lounging and watching tv. pretty darn awesome. until the husband came home. that was not so awesome of an evening.
today - celebrating a new disney client! they are visiting the world in just over two weeks, nothing like a last minute trip to make one's children happy. ;) also got some news on a friend, he's having surgery next week to fix up his sinuses, or lack thereof i guess....but the really happy part is they don't have to remove his face to do the surgery. that is a totally a great thing!
-------------------------------------
life update as well...
P has continued to have weekly therapy sessions and we have all been impressed in the progress he's made. We've tried some techniques for sensory processing disorder, which we essentially are going to treat him as if he has. We worked with a weighted vest last week, which was quite the challenge, but we think having a weighted blanket will help him more. Project for the winter for me - making a weighted blanket since they cost usually over $100. We saw an ENT today to check out P's structure since he snores and moves so much during sleep. Tonsils are a good size and after a nifty x-ray, found out his adenoid is large as well....so a T&A is scheduled for December. (Seriously, how cool is it to say T&A for my son. Lame, I know but it made me chuckle) His pedi neuro appt is in two weeks, we'll are planning to still go for the consult and see what they say.
A has been well. Homework is usually no issue, but her mood seems to be more touchy lately. I'm hoping it is not the beginning of hormones or something like that. That is waaaaaaayyyy too early for me. She goes back to see the doc in a few weeks for a med check and we'll discuss weaning her off the meds in Jan, which makes me nervous as hell to think about.
Things between J and I have not been totally awesome of late. Life is a challenge these past 6 months and some days have been better than others. Moments of so many emotions have occurred and while the bad situations have sucked, it has enriched our relationship for the long term. So I imagine. Right now. Oh well. Partnership is a journey, right?
sunday/monday - shitty mood, but fun trick-or-treating with the kids
tuesday - took a day off for mental health, spent the majority of the daytime hours lounging and watching tv. pretty darn awesome. until the husband came home. that was not so awesome of an evening.
today - celebrating a new disney client! they are visiting the world in just over two weeks, nothing like a last minute trip to make one's children happy. ;) also got some news on a friend, he's having surgery next week to fix up his sinuses, or lack thereof i guess....but the really happy part is they don't have to remove his face to do the surgery. that is a totally a great thing!
-------------------------------------
life update as well...
P has continued to have weekly therapy sessions and we have all been impressed in the progress he's made. We've tried some techniques for sensory processing disorder, which we essentially are going to treat him as if he has. We worked with a weighted vest last week, which was quite the challenge, but we think having a weighted blanket will help him more. Project for the winter for me - making a weighted blanket since they cost usually over $100. We saw an ENT today to check out P's structure since he snores and moves so much during sleep. Tonsils are a good size and after a nifty x-ray, found out his adenoid is large as well....so a T&A is scheduled for December. (Seriously, how cool is it to say T&A for my son. Lame, I know but it made me chuckle) His pedi neuro appt is in two weeks, we'll are planning to still go for the consult and see what they say.
A has been well. Homework is usually no issue, but her mood seems to be more touchy lately. I'm hoping it is not the beginning of hormones or something like that. That is waaaaaaayyyy too early for me. She goes back to see the doc in a few weeks for a med check and we'll discuss weaning her off the meds in Jan, which makes me nervous as hell to think about.
Things between J and I have not been totally awesome of late. Life is a challenge these past 6 months and some days have been better than others. Moments of so many emotions have occurred and while the bad situations have sucked, it has enriched our relationship for the long term. So I imagine. Right now. Oh well. Partnership is a journey, right?
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Accepting Life As Is
“Kiss your life. Accept it, just as it is. Today. Now. So that those moments of happiness you’re waiting for don’t pass you by.”” ~ Unknown
I came across this quote today when visiting a cool site I follow about Sensory Processing Disorder and it resonated with me. I feel as if we are in wait mode currently with Phoenix and I struggle at times with that. I often tell myself "just get through today or only one more month until his neuro appointment." And then there are moments when he does something that is so, well, him. And it will cause gut-busting laughter or wide smiles at his antics or silliness.
My children have some issues. While they don't technically fall under the special needs category I think, for us they have special needs that some other kids do not have. And that is okay. With all of the struggles that we have been through and all of those yet to come, my children are perfect. And they bring happiness into my life.
I have been struggling of late. Enough that it has impacted my life enough that I made the decision to go back on some medication to help. I feel as if I never have down time to myself and while I am aware that I simply just need to take the time, that is always easier said than done. Home life is crazy. Work life is crazy. I am not managing my stress well at all. Some of it is not accepting what life simply is at the moment and wanting it to be better. Some of it is not taking time to honor myself and recharging. My negativity and the lack of positive morale at work is killing me and yet it has been difficult for me to stay positive and not buy into the sack of crap that work has become.
Perhaps I need to do a 30 day happiness project where I post at least one thing that made me happy that day.....that's an idea. I'll start today.
I came across this quote today when visiting a cool site I follow about Sensory Processing Disorder and it resonated with me. I feel as if we are in wait mode currently with Phoenix and I struggle at times with that. I often tell myself "just get through today or only one more month until his neuro appointment." And then there are moments when he does something that is so, well, him. And it will cause gut-busting laughter or wide smiles at his antics or silliness.
My children have some issues. While they don't technically fall under the special needs category I think, for us they have special needs that some other kids do not have. And that is okay. With all of the struggles that we have been through and all of those yet to come, my children are perfect. And they bring happiness into my life.
I have been struggling of late. Enough that it has impacted my life enough that I made the decision to go back on some medication to help. I feel as if I never have down time to myself and while I am aware that I simply just need to take the time, that is always easier said than done. Home life is crazy. Work life is crazy. I am not managing my stress well at all. Some of it is not accepting what life simply is at the moment and wanting it to be better. Some of it is not taking time to honor myself and recharging. My negativity and the lack of positive morale at work is killing me and yet it has been difficult for me to stay positive and not buy into the sack of crap that work has become.
Perhaps I need to do a 30 day happiness project where I post at least one thing that made me happy that day.....that's an idea. I'll start today.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
I obviously haven't been blogging much. I haven't done much of anything really. This summer we've been trying to get by, day to day living. But we are here. We've had good days and bad days, some good and rough patches.
P had his neuro-psych eval last week. I'm dying for results, but our appt is scheduled for next week. I'd be willing to bet $ that we will be told he has ADHD. There has been talk about his tonsils/adenoids and his sleeping issues, possible seizure activity with his sleep issues & night terrors. He has been in fine form the last few months, acting like a complete lunatic some moments and being that sweet little boy at others. He's been doing behavioral therapy for a few weeks now and most sessions we are having a therapist work with us for parent training. It's been helpful. And while I know that getting an "answer" next week will not solve our problems, I'm hoping it helps with the stress level and the not knowing.
P had his neuro-psych eval last week. I'm dying for results, but our appt is scheduled for next week. I'd be willing to bet $ that we will be told he has ADHD. There has been talk about his tonsils/adenoids and his sleeping issues, possible seizure activity with his sleep issues & night terrors. He has been in fine form the last few months, acting like a complete lunatic some moments and being that sweet little boy at others. He's been doing behavioral therapy for a few weeks now and most sessions we are having a therapist work with us for parent training. It's been helpful. And while I know that getting an "answer" next week will not solve our problems, I'm hoping it helps with the stress level and the not knowing.
Monday, July 4, 2011
different
Dearest Phoenix
As I watch you lay sleeping next to me on my bed, I ponder what is in store for you and your life. You amaze me with your knowledge and zest for life. And you frustrate the hell out of me when you are being obstinate and oppositional. We have had some challenges over the last year or so and things have come to a point where we have to ask for outside help. It breaks my heart to know that some things are so difficult for you and your sister. I know that we have to do this to enable you to be the best person you can be, but that doesn't make it any better not knowing what is in your future.
You hate being told no. You strongly dislike transitions. You are so unbelievably frickin' independent. You love to talk, at times non-stop. You keep factoids in your head and share them with us or anyone who will listen. You have the best smile, your entire face lights up. And I love the fact that you still allow mommy smoochies on a regular basis. You can turn any item into a gun and yet enjoy dancing in princess shoes.
Your tantrums are becoming legendary. Screaming, kicking, biting, scratching, spitting, snotting, throwing toys. You can go for 60+ minutes and still be raging like you just started. And yet you can show such sweet and tender emotion when someone you love is hurting. I know you are trying to find a way to express yourself and the impulsive nature of you doesn't allow time for you to get control quickly. And it's begun to affect your outside life in a way that we cannot ignore. There are times I sense your little body is in such chaos and I don't know how to best help you. And I'm sorry for that.
If I am being honest, I'm scared. Scared of what is to come. People have told me for years that you are "hyper" and one of those kids "who never sits still." I am full aware of that. We live with your exuberance on a daily basis. The letters A-D-H-D have been thrown out and if that is what it is, we'll deal with it. I think perhaps you have some sensory issues as well. But when it comes down to it, I do not know what the "label" of the diagnosis will be, if there is one. I know that medication can help many things. It has dramatically changed our lives with your sister. But for some reason, the thought of medicating you for ADHD causes me a small panic inside. And I don't know why. I don't know if it's about the side effects I've heard about for those meds or that I've heard others talk about the overmedicated kids with ADHD. Some of it is the unknown part of our (your) lives right now.
I have so much hope for you. You have such awesome potential to do great things. And I know you will do great things, just like your sister will. I wonder about the man you will become and hope we are teaching you the right things about love, respect, and being a good person. You are my baby. And I love you.
Love,
Mommy
As I watch you lay sleeping next to me on my bed, I ponder what is in store for you and your life. You amaze me with your knowledge and zest for life. And you frustrate the hell out of me when you are being obstinate and oppositional. We have had some challenges over the last year or so and things have come to a point where we have to ask for outside help. It breaks my heart to know that some things are so difficult for you and your sister. I know that we have to do this to enable you to be the best person you can be, but that doesn't make it any better not knowing what is in your future.
You hate being told no. You strongly dislike transitions. You are so unbelievably frickin' independent. You love to talk, at times non-stop. You keep factoids in your head and share them with us or anyone who will listen. You have the best smile, your entire face lights up. And I love the fact that you still allow mommy smoochies on a regular basis. You can turn any item into a gun and yet enjoy dancing in princess shoes.
Your tantrums are becoming legendary. Screaming, kicking, biting, scratching, spitting, snotting, throwing toys. You can go for 60+ minutes and still be raging like you just started. And yet you can show such sweet and tender emotion when someone you love is hurting. I know you are trying to find a way to express yourself and the impulsive nature of you doesn't allow time for you to get control quickly. And it's begun to affect your outside life in a way that we cannot ignore. There are times I sense your little body is in such chaos and I don't know how to best help you. And I'm sorry for that.
If I am being honest, I'm scared. Scared of what is to come. People have told me for years that you are "hyper" and one of those kids "who never sits still." I am full aware of that. We live with your exuberance on a daily basis. The letters A-D-H-D have been thrown out and if that is what it is, we'll deal with it. I think perhaps you have some sensory issues as well. But when it comes down to it, I do not know what the "label" of the diagnosis will be, if there is one. I know that medication can help many things. It has dramatically changed our lives with your sister. But for some reason, the thought of medicating you for ADHD causes me a small panic inside. And I don't know why. I don't know if it's about the side effects I've heard about for those meds or that I've heard others talk about the overmedicated kids with ADHD. Some of it is the unknown part of our (your) lives right now.
I have so much hope for you. You have such awesome potential to do great things. And I know you will do great things, just like your sister will. I wonder about the man you will become and hope we are teaching you the right things about love, respect, and being a good person. You are my baby. And I love you.
Love,
Mommy
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