Monday, December 28, 2009
Resolutions...
Will you be making some? I'm not sure how I feel about New Year's resolutions, to be honest. On the one hand, I don't think I've ever stuck to one, so therefore I think they are lame. However, I also think having a goal setting, get your shit together, time out once a year is good for one's soul.
I've got some things I'd like to do in 2010....
*Get back to writing (blogging regularly)
*Laugh more
*Be healthier
*Jog, not walk, a 5K
*Let go of things that I've held close to my heart for years that don't matter anymore
*Attempt something completely new for me (not sure what yet)
*Get back to bellydancing, which I also have neglected in 2009
*Enjoy my family more
*Learn more about my camera and utilize it to take some fantastic photos in 2010
*Pay off debt, which we are well on our way to doing
*Be that much closer to buying a house
*Remember loved one's birthdays this next year, something I've sucked ass at this year and last
*and more and more and more, I'm sure
I know I need to declutter my life and prioritize the important things. This year, I've had so many balls in the air, juggling ferociously, that many have dropped and had to be picked back up. It has not been one my more stellar years. 2010 has the promise of so much more.
I've got some things I'd like to do in 2010....
*Get back to writing (blogging regularly)
*Laugh more
*Be healthier
*Jog, not walk, a 5K
*Let go of things that I've held close to my heart for years that don't matter anymore
*Attempt something completely new for me (not sure what yet)
*Get back to bellydancing, which I also have neglected in 2009
*Enjoy my family more
*Learn more about my camera and utilize it to take some fantastic photos in 2010
*Pay off debt, which we are well on our way to doing
*Be that much closer to buying a house
*Remember loved one's birthdays this next year, something I've sucked ass at this year and last
*and more and more and more, I'm sure
I know I need to declutter my life and prioritize the important things. This year, I've had so many balls in the air, juggling ferociously, that many have dropped and had to be picked back up. It has not been one my more stellar years. 2010 has the promise of so much more.
For My Fellow Twilight Fans
If you missed Taylor Lautner on SNL the other week, you have to check this out: Team Edward
NBC is taking the vids off youtube as it goes, so if this one is not longer available...search for Taylor Lautner SNL Team Edward. The one I linked to on facebook is now gone, and the other one that's on youtube now is reversed, so enjoy this one with subtitles.
Hil.ar.ious!!!
NBC is taking the vids off youtube as it goes, so if this one is not longer available...search for Taylor Lautner SNL Team Edward. The one I linked to on facebook is now gone, and the other one that's on youtube now is reversed, so enjoy this one with subtitles.
Hil.ar.ious!!!
Friday, December 25, 2009
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Oh snap
I just noticed I'm still reading book #48 (I started the other week, but haven't made any progress in the last week and a half). Can I get 4-5 more books in before the year is up for my 52 Books in 52 Weeks?!
I think I can, but I'll have to get moving. Or shall I say reading.
I think I can, but I'll have to get moving. Or shall I say reading.
Couple more days....
And this week will be OVER! Thank goodness. It's been a bitch of a couple weeks at work...but deadlines are almost here (Thurs & Fri), hopefully I'll have everything wrapped up by the end of the day on Fri.
And great bejeezes, Christmas is a week away!!! I know it falls on Dec 25th each year, but this really has snuck up on me.
Any good gifts out there for your loved ones? I've been enjoying my iTouch from Jason as I received it early. The kids are getting a ton of Transformer toys, which they adore.
Hoping everyone is keeping warm.
And great bejeezes, Christmas is a week away!!! I know it falls on Dec 25th each year, but this really has snuck up on me.
Any good gifts out there for your loved ones? I've been enjoying my iTouch from Jason as I received it early. The kids are getting a ton of Transformer toys, which they adore.
Hoping everyone is keeping warm.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
For Real?
Seriously, what was Tiger Woods thinking? I am a loss for this escapade, but he's got such a wholesome and good image, I fear that man may be screwed. Hey, no one's perfect. But at least I don't have millions of eyes watching what I do.
Survivor Guilt
I said it was coming. I didn't think it would be over a month later, but tonight just feels right.
Jason and I had the pleasure and privilege to attend Saving Grace: A Night of Hope, the Preeclampsia Foundation's annual fundraising gala, in Chicago on Oct 24th. It was, again, one of the most powerful, inspiring, encouraging, and heartbreaking events I've ever attended. We know that there are more than 6 million women who experience preeclampsia each year, worldwide. Approximately 76,000 of those women die from those complications. It also robs about 500,000 babies of their lives each year. With numbers like those, I have to wonder when will the world pay attention?
Research has shown that preeclampsia survivors have an elevated risk of cardiovascular disease, and recently there has been a connection to thyroid complications down that road as well. There are days when I question what else will be an issue for me in the coming years. I already have an increased risk of heart disease due to family history, and when you add in the additional risk from having preeclampsia, my young age of 33 seems to overwhelm me when I think of my grandfather having his first heart attack at age 36.
It's easy to put these thoughts out of my head at times, you know life gets in the way. Saving Grace put things back into play and it's been a common thought recently. I'm angry that I was one of the unlucky ones. Angry that what everyone thinks is something that goes away after delivery, may cause me issues years after my pregnancy.
However, I know that while I was one of the unlucky ones who preeclampsia decided to visit, I am so extremely lucky to be here. As are my children. I survived and so did they. The countless mom's who leave the hospital with empty and aching arms are not so lucky. The babies who will grow up without ever knowing their mother's touch or voice as she reads a story, because their mother died from this crazy thing called preeclampsia. It's those stories that I will not allow myself to forget.
Sitting at a table at Saving Grace, we viewed the slide show of families who suffered from preeclampsia. Some had wonderful outcomes, others lost too much. I had submitted our experiences and even though I knew it was coming, it still caught me off guard. There we were, a family of four. The photo made us look happy, and yes we were. But there was no way to tell through that photograph, if someone just randomly looked at it, that one could tell things were touch & go with our first pregnancy with HELLP Syndrome and that we were subject to careful and close monitoring of our second pregnancy that ended with an induction and a placental abruption scare during delivery. The happy faces on that photo are what got to me. To know that our lives have the happy ending and others do not.
It's not fair and it pains me to see how others have suffered their losses. I weep when I learn of a mother who does not have the opportunity to see her child grow up or when a mother loses her own life. I feel guilty when I learn of those losses and I make the silent acknowledgement to myself that I was one of the lucky ones. I vividly remember reading my son a bedtime story shortly after reading that a MN mom passed away from complications from HELLP Syndrome this fall. All I could think of, as I attempted to continue the story without falling apart, was how her son will feel as he grows up never knowing his mom. And it broke my heart. As I broke down later that evening, Jason told me that there was nothing I could do to fix it. I told him I was upset because it wasn't fair. Why did she die and I got to live? Why did I get to bring my babies home with me and be able to hold them in my arms? It's not fair and it just sucks to not be able to go anywhere with those thoughts.
A young man spoke at the event, a talented and bright young man. One who was born 13 weeks too soon because his mother developed preeclampsia. Due to his prematurity and the complications he suffered, he was diagnosed with cerebal palsy. His story was the tear jerker of the night. He stood there, proud to be alive and sharing his story, but also crying as he spoke of the hardships life has given his family. He represented all of the children that evening, who's lives have been touched by preeclmpsia. Watching him made me feel as if I were punched in the stomach, I had such a difficult time breathing as the fear of the "what if's" resurfaced. I know my children are here and are healthy, but the ever present what if's remain, hidden deep in the recesses of my mind.
Another family was honored for their service. What brought them to the organization was the loss of their daughter as she developed HELLP Syndrome while pregnant with their granddaughter. Shelly died in 2005 and those of us who have been involved with the organization for that long have had the opportunity to watch her daughter grow. She attended the event and was on stage while her grandfather held her. I am in awe of individuals who have suffered such loss and then use that experience to further awareness and the need for a cause & cure. All the while, being thankful that my story is different.
Survivor's guilt. Other survivors and I discussed it at Saving Grace. It's there. It's painful and then you feel even more guilty. It's tremendous, but I'm also thankful for it. It allows me to remember our experience, be grateful for our outcomes, and to serve as a tool to continue my efforts in volunteering my time with an organization who is dedicated to finding a cause and a cure for the disease that has been around since the time of Cleopatra.
This year's program was filled with the stories of those affected by preeclampsia. I do have a few extra copies if anyone would like one. To read the stories of these families is powerful. Each one unique, but each of us connected. These stories will hopefully allow others to become aware of the dangers of preeclampsia and inspire some to volunteer or to do research that may one day put an end to all of the unlucky experiences.
Jason and I had the pleasure and privilege to attend Saving Grace: A Night of Hope, the Preeclampsia Foundation's annual fundraising gala, in Chicago on Oct 24th. It was, again, one of the most powerful, inspiring, encouraging, and heartbreaking events I've ever attended. We know that there are more than 6 million women who experience preeclampsia each year, worldwide. Approximately 76,000 of those women die from those complications. It also robs about 500,000 babies of their lives each year. With numbers like those, I have to wonder when will the world pay attention?
Research has shown that preeclampsia survivors have an elevated risk of cardiovascular disease, and recently there has been a connection to thyroid complications down that road as well. There are days when I question what else will be an issue for me in the coming years. I already have an increased risk of heart disease due to family history, and when you add in the additional risk from having preeclampsia, my young age of 33 seems to overwhelm me when I think of my grandfather having his first heart attack at age 36.
It's easy to put these thoughts out of my head at times, you know life gets in the way. Saving Grace put things back into play and it's been a common thought recently. I'm angry that I was one of the unlucky ones. Angry that what everyone thinks is something that goes away after delivery, may cause me issues years after my pregnancy.
However, I know that while I was one of the unlucky ones who preeclampsia decided to visit, I am so extremely lucky to be here. As are my children. I survived and so did they. The countless mom's who leave the hospital with empty and aching arms are not so lucky. The babies who will grow up without ever knowing their mother's touch or voice as she reads a story, because their mother died from this crazy thing called preeclampsia. It's those stories that I will not allow myself to forget.
Sitting at a table at Saving Grace, we viewed the slide show of families who suffered from preeclampsia. Some had wonderful outcomes, others lost too much. I had submitted our experiences and even though I knew it was coming, it still caught me off guard. There we were, a family of four. The photo made us look happy, and yes we were. But there was no way to tell through that photograph, if someone just randomly looked at it, that one could tell things were touch & go with our first pregnancy with HELLP Syndrome and that we were subject to careful and close monitoring of our second pregnancy that ended with an induction and a placental abruption scare during delivery. The happy faces on that photo are what got to me. To know that our lives have the happy ending and others do not.
It's not fair and it pains me to see how others have suffered their losses. I weep when I learn of a mother who does not have the opportunity to see her child grow up or when a mother loses her own life. I feel guilty when I learn of those losses and I make the silent acknowledgement to myself that I was one of the lucky ones. I vividly remember reading my son a bedtime story shortly after reading that a MN mom passed away from complications from HELLP Syndrome this fall. All I could think of, as I attempted to continue the story without falling apart, was how her son will feel as he grows up never knowing his mom. And it broke my heart. As I broke down later that evening, Jason told me that there was nothing I could do to fix it. I told him I was upset because it wasn't fair. Why did she die and I got to live? Why did I get to bring my babies home with me and be able to hold them in my arms? It's not fair and it just sucks to not be able to go anywhere with those thoughts.
A young man spoke at the event, a talented and bright young man. One who was born 13 weeks too soon because his mother developed preeclampsia. Due to his prematurity and the complications he suffered, he was diagnosed with cerebal palsy. His story was the tear jerker of the night. He stood there, proud to be alive and sharing his story, but also crying as he spoke of the hardships life has given his family. He represented all of the children that evening, who's lives have been touched by preeclmpsia. Watching him made me feel as if I were punched in the stomach, I had such a difficult time breathing as the fear of the "what if's" resurfaced. I know my children are here and are healthy, but the ever present what if's remain, hidden deep in the recesses of my mind.
Another family was honored for their service. What brought them to the organization was the loss of their daughter as she developed HELLP Syndrome while pregnant with their granddaughter. Shelly died in 2005 and those of us who have been involved with the organization for that long have had the opportunity to watch her daughter grow. She attended the event and was on stage while her grandfather held her. I am in awe of individuals who have suffered such loss and then use that experience to further awareness and the need for a cause & cure. All the while, being thankful that my story is different.
Survivor's guilt. Other survivors and I discussed it at Saving Grace. It's there. It's painful and then you feel even more guilty. It's tremendous, but I'm also thankful for it. It allows me to remember our experience, be grateful for our outcomes, and to serve as a tool to continue my efforts in volunteering my time with an organization who is dedicated to finding a cause and a cure for the disease that has been around since the time of Cleopatra.
This year's program was filled with the stories of those affected by preeclampsia. I do have a few extra copies if anyone would like one. To read the stories of these families is powerful. Each one unique, but each of us connected. These stories will hopefully allow others to become aware of the dangers of preeclampsia and inspire some to volunteer or to do research that may one day put an end to all of the unlucky experiences.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Mex Day for GiveMN.org
Today is Max Day for GiveMN.org. What that means is that every donation to the Preeclampsia Foundation will be matched, up $500,000. 100% of your donation goes to the organization thanks to the way GiveMN.org has their system set up.
Turn your $5 into $10 by visiting GiveMN Preeclampsia Foundation
$10 puts 10 brochures into the hands of pregnant women. You can help create awareness and make a difference.
Thank you!
Turn your $5 into $10 by visiting GiveMN Preeclampsia Foundation
$10 puts 10 brochures into the hands of pregnant women. You can help create awareness and make a difference.
Thank you!
Too Many Born Too Soon
November 17 is dedicated to raising awareness of the crisis of premature birth with the March of Dimes. November is Prematurity Awareness Month.
As all of you know, prematurity has touched our lives. Ariana was born 5 weeks too early after I developed severe preeclampsia. I was so naive and thought everything would be perfect. Unexpectedly thrust into a world where I didn't understand what was happening was so overwhelming and frightening. A's & B's, NG tubes, oxygen supplementation, etc. When one becomes pregnant, she dreams of the perfect baby and all it's wrappings, the crib, the clothes, what color to paint the nursery. Unless you've been touched by prematurity or other complications, one doesn't wonder if you'll bring home a live baby or one who needs to be resucitated at birth. Prematurity is the #1 killer of newborns and can lead to lifelong disabilities. These preemies face challenges that no parent dreams of when that plus sign shows up on the HPT.
There are too many babies who don't make it to take that first breath, that have to struggle to breath or to learn how to eat, crawl, or walk. Lifelong effects of prematurity such as cerebal palsy.
So for all the preemies out there, please keep them in your thoughts and do what you can to help stop prematurity by raising funds & awareness. If you are pregnant or will become pregnant, YOU are the best advocate for yourself & your child.
While I wish that our experience didn't happen at times, I am also grateful for it. It has taught me to appreciate my children and has allowed me to meet & become friends with some of the most remarkable individuals.
As all of you know, prematurity has touched our lives. Ariana was born 5 weeks too early after I developed severe preeclampsia. I was so naive and thought everything would be perfect. Unexpectedly thrust into a world where I didn't understand what was happening was so overwhelming and frightening. A's & B's, NG tubes, oxygen supplementation, etc. When one becomes pregnant, she dreams of the perfect baby and all it's wrappings, the crib, the clothes, what color to paint the nursery. Unless you've been touched by prematurity or other complications, one doesn't wonder if you'll bring home a live baby or one who needs to be resucitated at birth. Prematurity is the #1 killer of newborns and can lead to lifelong disabilities. These preemies face challenges that no parent dreams of when that plus sign shows up on the HPT.
There are too many babies who don't make it to take that first breath, that have to struggle to breath or to learn how to eat, crawl, or walk. Lifelong effects of prematurity such as cerebal palsy.
So for all the preemies out there, please keep them in your thoughts and do what you can to help stop prematurity by raising funds & awareness. If you are pregnant or will become pregnant, YOU are the best advocate for yourself & your child.
While I wish that our experience didn't happen at times, I am also grateful for it. It has taught me to appreciate my children and has allowed me to meet & become friends with some of the most remarkable individuals.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
10 Honest Things About Myself
1. I pretty much listen to anything for music, except for country. I can only stand listening to a few country artists out there...Tim McGraw, Johnny Cash, Faith Hill, Reba.
2. I have OCD tendencies in certain aspects of my life. My closet is organized by color, however the floor outside the closet next to my bed usually is a pile of books, jeans, and whatever else lands there.
3. I have a geographical tongue.
4. I can tell myself that I will lay in bed, wearing jammies all day, watching movies & reading books....but when it comes down to it, I can't pull it off.
5. I take responsibility for things that are not my fault or I haven't really had much to do with it.
6. I cry when I get upset and/or frustrated. One of THE traits I wish I could change about myself. I'd even be willing to stay overweight if I could get rid of this one.
7. I love to sing, but don't do it as often as I use to. Life seems to get in the way of enjoying myself that way.
8. I wish I could get my act together and utilize my wonderful D-SLR camera the way it was intended.
9. I suck at the willpower thing when it comes to staying on task. It could be healthy eating, exercise, buying gifts for the kids, whatever. I'll be strong for a while, but then cave.
10. I am afraid of the dark.
2. I have OCD tendencies in certain aspects of my life. My closet is organized by color, however the floor outside the closet next to my bed usually is a pile of books, jeans, and whatever else lands there.
3. I have a geographical tongue.
4. I can tell myself that I will lay in bed, wearing jammies all day, watching movies & reading books....but when it comes down to it, I can't pull it off.
5. I take responsibility for things that are not my fault or I haven't really had much to do with it.
6. I cry when I get upset and/or frustrated. One of THE traits I wish I could change about myself. I'd even be willing to stay overweight if I could get rid of this one.
7. I love to sing, but don't do it as often as I use to. Life seems to get in the way of enjoying myself that way.
8. I wish I could get my act together and utilize my wonderful D-SLR camera the way it was intended.
9. I suck at the willpower thing when it comes to staying on task. It could be healthy eating, exercise, buying gifts for the kids, whatever. I'll be strong for a while, but then cave.
10. I am afraid of the dark.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Time Goes On
I've visited my blog a couple times over the last month, but just haven't had the heart to post. I feel as if I have nothing to say when I sit down, even if there are moments during the day I think about sharing something.
I'll share some highlights, and lowlights, from recent weeks.
And thank you to those who have kept visiting, even if I have been a major turd.
Love ya!
-------------------------------------------------------
**My baby girl earned her High Yellow belt in karate on Oct 17th.
She is a rock star and I adore her. She is quite good at sparring, which should come as no surprise as I watch her fight with her brother. There are still a few hiccups along the way, but gosh darn it....the girl is good. And I want her to keep on doing this. The fine line between encouragement and pushing has become apparent at our home with karate. It's something that I tend to fall more on the encouragement side and Jason falls on the pushing side. We balance each other out, I guess.
As they drove to the studio tonight, about a block away Ariana stated she hated karate and didn't want to do it anymore. Jason told her she needed to go as they were almost there. She got to class and loved it. Talked about all the fun she had. He shared the experience with me and I took her by herself to discuss it. With no pressure. She thinks it's fun and wants to earn her Green Belt next, eventually getting to her Black Belt. When I asked her what that meant, she said she cannot quit. And recited the phrase, "A black belt is a white belt who never quit." I was so proud of her at that moment.
We'll see how class tomorrow goes. She could potentially have her first tournament on Nov 7th.
-----------------------------------------------------
*Ariana and her math homework -- she struggled at first with math, but has seemed to come into her own with it. I was so fearful that she was going to struggle and watching her at first was heartbreaking. Her perfectionism was killing her. And me. Let's just say I spent some nights in tears.
But she has improved and quite honestly, I'm surprised at how well she has been doing because of her struggles at first. She's naming off the answer like nothing.
-------------------------------------------------------
*Phoenix switched to a new classroom at daycare that is more preschool based back in Sept. That didn't go to well either. They do this behavior reward thing where have a flower on their cubby and if they misbehave the flower gets taken away. This child had many more days of a flowerless cubby than a flowered cubby upon pickup. Piss me off, and kind of befuddling. His other teachers never said anything about him not listening or being rowdy. Sure, I know the kid has boundless energy. I guess now that he's expected to be more student-like it's an issue. But come on, the kids are 3. Eventually, he figured it out (add in a change in the flower reward--the kids could earn it back later in the day, along with a teacher change) and my little buddy has earned the Megatron transformer we told him we'd buy him if he got 5 flowers in a row. (That took a while, let me tell ya.)
So, now we have a cross dressing Megatron walking around the house, being silly like usual.
----------------------------------------------------
*My dad had a cancer check up last week. He had a scope last Wed and the doc said things look great. We are still waiting on lab tests, but it sounds promising. Take that cancer! Just hoping it continues to stay away. With the recurrence rate so high, it worries me, but I can't dwell on that.
-----------------------------------------------------
*Jason and I have had our issues over the last weeks, hell...months. Communication has been lacking and we are working on it. We're both so tired that we snap at each other and then the other gets pissed off. I can't tell you how many nights I wanted to sleep on the couch or cried tears in the bathroom. Marriage is a work in progess, and it's been a little bumpy lately. We need to step up our game when it comes to the kids, to our home, to ourselves. And I know we can.
------------------------------------------------------
*We had the pleasure and opportunity to attend the Preeclampsia Foundation's annual fundraising gala, Saving Grace: A Night of Hope this past weekend in Chicago. It's always a treat to see old faces and to meet in person others you've chatted online with. The night was fun and highly emotional. (I've got a post for that coming too). Lots of tears, lots. It was a successful evening, and I am so grateful we were able to attend.
-------------------------------------------------------
*My other big time-taker-upper is work. My day job has been exhausting. What the fuck is so hard about following rules people? You screwed up and broke the law, now pay your toll and get off probation. We were many hats with this job: agent turns into social worker, couples counselor, life coach, miracle worker. And it can be draining if one doesn't figure out how to balance it. Which I'm working on. I haven't been all that successful lately, but it's improving. There is never a dull day, that's for sure.
-----------------------------------------------------
Well those are our family highlights. I'm preparing an emotional post, one that I'm scared yet anxious to write. I've got some major things happening at work, then it's on it's way.
Sleep tight all, may your dreams be sweet and saucy.
I'll share some highlights, and lowlights, from recent weeks.
And thank you to those who have kept visiting, even if I have been a major turd.
Love ya!
-------------------------------------------------------
**My baby girl earned her High Yellow belt in karate on Oct 17th.
She is a rock star and I adore her. She is quite good at sparring, which should come as no surprise as I watch her fight with her brother. There are still a few hiccups along the way, but gosh darn it....the girl is good. And I want her to keep on doing this. The fine line between encouragement and pushing has become apparent at our home with karate. It's something that I tend to fall more on the encouragement side and Jason falls on the pushing side. We balance each other out, I guess.
As they drove to the studio tonight, about a block away Ariana stated she hated karate and didn't want to do it anymore. Jason told her she needed to go as they were almost there. She got to class and loved it. Talked about all the fun she had. He shared the experience with me and I took her by herself to discuss it. With no pressure. She thinks it's fun and wants to earn her Green Belt next, eventually getting to her Black Belt. When I asked her what that meant, she said she cannot quit. And recited the phrase, "A black belt is a white belt who never quit." I was so proud of her at that moment.
We'll see how class tomorrow goes. She could potentially have her first tournament on Nov 7th.
-----------------------------------------------------
*Ariana and her math homework -- she struggled at first with math, but has seemed to come into her own with it. I was so fearful that she was going to struggle and watching her at first was heartbreaking. Her perfectionism was killing her. And me. Let's just say I spent some nights in tears.
But she has improved and quite honestly, I'm surprised at how well she has been doing because of her struggles at first. She's naming off the answer like nothing.
-------------------------------------------------------
*Phoenix switched to a new classroom at daycare that is more preschool based back in Sept. That didn't go to well either. They do this behavior reward thing where have a flower on their cubby and if they misbehave the flower gets taken away. This child had many more days of a flowerless cubby than a flowered cubby upon pickup. Piss me off, and kind of befuddling. His other teachers never said anything about him not listening or being rowdy. Sure, I know the kid has boundless energy. I guess now that he's expected to be more student-like it's an issue. But come on, the kids are 3. Eventually, he figured it out (add in a change in the flower reward--the kids could earn it back later in the day, along with a teacher change) and my little buddy has earned the Megatron transformer we told him we'd buy him if he got 5 flowers in a row. (That took a while, let me tell ya.)
So, now we have a cross dressing Megatron walking around the house, being silly like usual.
----------------------------------------------------
*My dad had a cancer check up last week. He had a scope last Wed and the doc said things look great. We are still waiting on lab tests, but it sounds promising. Take that cancer! Just hoping it continues to stay away. With the recurrence rate so high, it worries me, but I can't dwell on that.
-----------------------------------------------------
*Jason and I have had our issues over the last weeks, hell...months. Communication has been lacking and we are working on it. We're both so tired that we snap at each other and then the other gets pissed off. I can't tell you how many nights I wanted to sleep on the couch or cried tears in the bathroom. Marriage is a work in progess, and it's been a little bumpy lately. We need to step up our game when it comes to the kids, to our home, to ourselves. And I know we can.
------------------------------------------------------
*We had the pleasure and opportunity to attend the Preeclampsia Foundation's annual fundraising gala, Saving Grace: A Night of Hope this past weekend in Chicago. It's always a treat to see old faces and to meet in person others you've chatted online with. The night was fun and highly emotional. (I've got a post for that coming too). Lots of tears, lots. It was a successful evening, and I am so grateful we were able to attend.
-------------------------------------------------------
*My other big time-taker-upper is work. My day job has been exhausting. What the fuck is so hard about following rules people? You screwed up and broke the law, now pay your toll and get off probation. We were many hats with this job: agent turns into social worker, couples counselor, life coach, miracle worker. And it can be draining if one doesn't figure out how to balance it. Which I'm working on. I haven't been all that successful lately, but it's improving. There is never a dull day, that's for sure.
-----------------------------------------------------
Well those are our family highlights. I'm preparing an emotional post, one that I'm scared yet anxious to write. I've got some major things happening at work, then it's on it's way.
Sleep tight all, may your dreams be sweet and saucy.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Time for Change?
I'm thinking about moving the blog to private. Or creating another in addition (like I can keep both going, right Denise) that is private. I've got some eyes that read that make it difficult to post about certain issues, and therefore I don't post it. I think that is a piece of why I've lost my blog mojo. In addition to having little time.
Do I stay? Write what I write, hell with the eyes? Or set up a new house?
Do I stay? Write what I write, hell with the eyes? Or set up a new house?
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Shrinking Jeans Week 4
Oye, I missed last week. I didn't lose anything last week and am down a single pound this week. Food choices have been okay, still working on cutting out the soda. I am finding my attraction to that is almost as strong as it is to chips & dip.
I admit that I will not eat well this weekend. I'm heading out for a weekend getaway, and I'll make some good choices, hopefully not too many bad ones. There will be a yummy bevvie along some of the meals.
I need to up my water intake and get moving my behind more. At least I'll have quite a bit of walking this weekend.
I admit that I will not eat well this weekend. I'm heading out for a weekend getaway, and I'll make some good choices, hopefully not too many bad ones. There will be a yummy bevvie along some of the meals.
I need to up my water intake and get moving my behind more. At least I'll have quite a bit of walking this weekend.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Tears
This week I've shed too many tears. Tears for families who are without a loved one. Since the end of August, there have been 3 moms that I've read about who have lost their lives, or will lose their lives, due to complications from preeclampsia. Husbands left behind, children left behind. Parents unexpectedly trying to make sense of why their daughter is gone before them. A life ended too soon.
At a time when joy is supposed to happen, hell it's expected, these families are literally going through hell. Bri, a mom in MN, is being taken off life support today. After suffering HELLP Syndrome and having to have an emergency liver transplant to attempt to save her life, brain swelling will end her life. A mom died on Aug 30th after developing eclampsia with her pregnancy. And another mom who died that weekend was lost after preeclampsia led to complications. They all leave their children behind. Children who will grow up without their mother. It's not fair. It's not right.
This is why I continue to wage war on preeclampsia. Until know one had to shed a tear over a loss from this condition.
RIP ladies. You did not know me and the others who are thinking of you and your families, but you have touched us deeply.
At a time when joy is supposed to happen, hell it's expected, these families are literally going through hell. Bri, a mom in MN, is being taken off life support today. After suffering HELLP Syndrome and having to have an emergency liver transplant to attempt to save her life, brain swelling will end her life. A mom died on Aug 30th after developing eclampsia with her pregnancy. And another mom who died that weekend was lost after preeclampsia led to complications. They all leave their children behind. Children who will grow up without their mother. It's not fair. It's not right.
This is why I continue to wage war on preeclampsia. Until know one had to shed a tear over a loss from this condition.
RIP ladies. You did not know me and the others who are thinking of you and your families, but you have touched us deeply.
Friday, September 4, 2009
I'm late for an important date
I missed weigh in on Wed. Bah. But I did step on the scale and I'm down 2lbs! Of course, the lovely Aunt Flo is making an appearance it seems this weekend...I'm hoping I can hold it together for the week. I've got a sick child, who is on the mend, but it was a pretty awful week with little sleep and lots of coughsies that lead to puking. For him. Not me.
Good things this week:
*I denied myself chips & dip, no matter how badly I wanted them. And it was bad this week.
*I cut waaaaay down on the soda since Monday. Still having at least one a day, but for a while there the other week I was having 3-4.
Bad things this week: I didn't exercise like I had planned.
This weeks goals: To exercise more and to drink more water!
Good things this week:
*I denied myself chips & dip, no matter how badly I wanted them. And it was bad this week.
*I cut waaaaay down on the soda since Monday. Still having at least one a day, but for a while there the other week I was having 3-4.
Bad things this week: I didn't exercise like I had planned.
This weeks goals: To exercise more and to drink more water!
Monday, August 31, 2009
Something new for fall
I'm hopping back on the healthier me train and decided to join the ladies over at The Sisterhood of the Shrinking Jeans. Each week, we weigh in and will be collecting food items for local pantries. Check it out if you are interested!
I got word that my cholesterol was back up (&@$K) and entering into my "mid 30's next year...I think this is the time. I can't put it off any longer. No more excuses. Well, I'm sure there will be some, but no lame excuses. I want to be able to actually run a full 5K. I know that's not a big thing for some, but it's pretty huge for me. I don't run. Well. At all. For the most part.
I may have bumps along the way and am not sure I can give up ALL soda, but I'm going to do my best. Wish me luck!
I got word that my cholesterol was back up (&@$K) and entering into my "mid 30's next year...I think this is the time. I can't put it off any longer. No more excuses. Well, I'm sure there will be some, but no lame excuses. I want to be able to actually run a full 5K. I know that's not a big thing for some, but it's pretty huge for me. I don't run. Well. At all. For the most part.
I may have bumps along the way and am not sure I can give up ALL soda, but I'm going to do my best. Wish me luck!
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Another Year In
Today, Jason and I have been married for 11 years. The last couple years haven't been easy, especially this last one...but we've managed to work together to overcome the obstacles life has brought us. Communication has been key for us and has been something we've always felt was necessary, along with lots of belly shaking laughter. Marriage isn't always easy, some days it is a great deal of work. There are times when I've thought, I love you but I don't like you today. And that's okay. I'm not likeable at moments either. And later on, we laugh about those moments.
This man loves me. Loves me when I'm being stubborn and obstinate. Loves me when I need it the most, on the dark days. Loves me the way that I am; ugly feet, fat rolls, and all. He sees my crazy hair in the morning after awaking and tells me I'm beautiful.
He's not exactly perfect, well neither of us are. But he's mine. And the trials of life that we've traversed together have brought us closer together and made us that much stronger.
My dear Jason....I love you.
This man loves me. Loves me when I'm being stubborn and obstinate. Loves me when I need it the most, on the dark days. Loves me the way that I am; ugly feet, fat rolls, and all. He sees my crazy hair in the morning after awaking and tells me I'm beautiful.
He's not exactly perfect, well neither of us are. But he's mine. And the trials of life that we've traversed together have brought us closer together and made us that much stronger.
My dear Jason....I love you.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Miss Yellow Belt
Here are some photo's from graduation of the summer camp class for karate. Ariana went to her first "official" class and was given her yellow belt at the end of class. (no pics of that) She's lovin' it. And so are we.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
This $7 contraption has saved our mornings. Literally. We have the kids set up with clothes for Mon-Fri, down to underwear & socks. Ariana picks out her own clothes each Sunday for the week and it has allowed the mornings to be much less painful. We had been picking out clothes the night before, but the process to that was excrutiatingly slow and then in the morning she'd change her mind. This system, however, has changed all that. She grabs her clothes out with no issues...getting dressed the first (or the second or third) time we ask still causes a slight bump....but that's to be expected.
Face Block
Ariana had the opportunity to try karate this summer while at camp. She loves it. Just hates the uniform. We're working on that, it's a source of frustration on everyone's part here lately. But....here are some photos from a class back on July 24th.
Master Likes remarks quite often that she is one of the strongest girls in class and she gets picked quite a bit to demonstrate her push-ups.
Look at that kick!
Completing basic form
Earning her second yellow stripe
Master Likes remarks quite often that she is one of the strongest girls in class and she gets picked quite a bit to demonstrate her push-ups.
Look at that kick!
Completing basic form
Earning her second yellow stripe
Sunday, August 2, 2009
I Must Confess
I have a serious addiction to books. I visited two bookstores this week and came home with 7 books. Although, they were all bargain-priced books so that saved me. The sense of peace and wonderment that comes over me when I walk into the bookstore....ah, I just cannot fully express. To smell an unopened book, it's pure heaven for me.
My bookshelf next to the bed is overflowing and I've got lots to read in the coming weeks. Life is good.
My bookshelf next to the bed is overflowing and I've got lots to read in the coming weeks. Life is good.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Camping Fun
We arrived home, weary and happy to be home, this afternoon. This camping trip was filled with....
*Pillows
*Cussing
*Slushies
*Cupcakes & Whipped Creme (those photos are fabulous!)
*and lots, lots more.
The first time out of many...
Getting ready to go mining
We interrupt the mining process for a boo-boo.
Swim time
A headful of sand, by his own doing.
Ariana on the jumping pillow (like a trampoline)
Chocolate Eating Contest....
Crabby face
*Pillows
*Cussing
*Slushies
*Cupcakes & Whipped Creme (those photos are fabulous!)
*and lots, lots more.
The first time out of many...
Getting ready to go miningWe interrupt the mining process for a boo-boo.
Swim time
A headful of sand, by his own doing.
Ariana on the jumping pillow (like a trampoline)
Chocolate Eating Contest....
Crabby face
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
A change in the heart
I love reading Mary Ann Radamacher’s work, and signed up for her “Phrase of the Day” that comes by email. It’s a small blip in the day, but one that most often makes me smile and thing about what the relevancy of the phrase is to my life and how to make changes for the better.
Today’s phrase is “Open the door to chance. whisper to forever, let s now go dance and leave the dishes for later.” And it touched my soul.
I have always tried to be a positive, glass half full, type of person. But I have lost connection with that over time, and I miss it. I hate being negative, I think it damages the mind and the soul. And this phrase today jarred me back into the the mindset I want to live in.
Lately, I’ve been so caught up in the To Do lists and the “shit, I forgot to do that” mode, I am not enjoying life. Hearing the tinkling music of my children’s peels of delight, feeling the belly shaking laughter bubble up and burst through my lips, and feeling the sunshine on my face with a warmth like no other. I have not fully appreciated those things and it makes me feel an emptiness inside that cannot be explained. The ache that tells me life can be more.
But no more.
I am take back joy, discovery, light-heartedness, and so much more. I must continue to strive to do better, to appreciate everything I have, and to work towards things that make me happy. I still may not have time enough to do everything on my list, but that’s okay. It will still be there tomorrow, and let’s be honest, the day after or next week when I finally get to it. I will accept that I am not superwoman and cannot do it all myself. I will ask for help when I need it. I will jump in the pool with my clothes on, and run through the sprinkler. And lay under the stars and make wishes.
We tell our children anything is possible. To reach for the stars, they can be whatever they want to be, to enjoy being children. I want to live by that motto as an adult yet too.
Today’s phrase is “Open the door to chance. whisper to forever, let s now go dance and leave the dishes for later.” And it touched my soul.
I have always tried to be a positive, glass half full, type of person. But I have lost connection with that over time, and I miss it. I hate being negative, I think it damages the mind and the soul. And this phrase today jarred me back into the the mindset I want to live in.
Lately, I’ve been so caught up in the To Do lists and the “shit, I forgot to do that” mode, I am not enjoying life. Hearing the tinkling music of my children’s peels of delight, feeling the belly shaking laughter bubble up and burst through my lips, and feeling the sunshine on my face with a warmth like no other. I have not fully appreciated those things and it makes me feel an emptiness inside that cannot be explained. The ache that tells me life can be more.
But no more.
I am take back joy, discovery, light-heartedness, and so much more. I must continue to strive to do better, to appreciate everything I have, and to work towards things that make me happy. I still may not have time enough to do everything on my list, but that’s okay. It will still be there tomorrow, and let’s be honest, the day after or next week when I finally get to it. I will accept that I am not superwoman and cannot do it all myself. I will ask for help when I need it. I will jump in the pool with my clothes on, and run through the sprinkler. And lay under the stars and make wishes.
We tell our children anything is possible. To reach for the stars, they can be whatever they want to be, to enjoy being children. I want to live by that motto as an adult yet too.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Page Turners
I've got about 4 books waiting to read on the shelf next to the bed, but I'm on the lookout for some goodies.....any suggestions?
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Monday, June 22, 2009
Which end is up
I'm struggling right now. Struggling with everything it seems. I feel like I never have enough time in the day to finish what I want or need to get down, and if I have a free 30 minutes I'm so frickin' tired all I want to do is sit on my ass.
Going back to work has been a huge change for me and for our family. Things started out okay, then hit a major bump, got better and now I feel like it's off track again. Things are not working like they should and I just don't know what to do. I knew it was time for me to head back to work, and to be honest, we can't afford for me not to work anymore especially if we want to hit the big goals of a house, etc. I am having tremendous difficulty finding a balance and time management. I'm sucking majorly on all accounts. And if there is one thing to throw me into a tailspin it's repeated or lengthy failure. And that's where I've been lately.
I feel as if I'm failing with everything. Work, parenting, being a spouse, being a friend, etc. I am so overwhelmed at times, I have a minor meltdown and cry it out for a few minutes. I don't know how some people do it, they make life seem so effortless. And here I am struggling to clean my fucking toilet. Maybe people just pretend they are superhuman. I'm exhausted and angry with myself for not having willpower to stop eating chips & dip and actually get off my ass to exercise. I saw a billboard yesterday. One of those "Pass it on" posters, it had a guy who climbed Mt Everest. Blind. And I thought to myself, christ Denise. If this guy can climb a goddamn mountain blind, what the hell is wrong with you that you can't even walk a block for exercise. Just another twisted thought in my warped senses right now.
I had an ah-ha moment the other day when I figured out what's been eating at me for a few days now. Can't, or won't, talk about it here. But it makes sense and ultimately helps me work through it. I know this is something that is affecting me in a strong manner right now and I really need to just fucking deal with it. I thought I had, but apparently I haven't as well as I thought I did.
I've lost my mojo. I don't know what I have to do to get it back. I feel selfish taking time to do shit for myself, but I know that's how I recharge. The lack of communication at home right now is atrocious. We talk at each other, snipping and snapping, not talking with each other. I'm sure he doesn't feel supported and neither do I. I'm tired of being pissy. My positivity has flown the coop. And that has always been something that has stuck with me.
I will probably be taking a hiatus here for a bit while things work through. I'd love to vent and completely share, but there are eyes that read this that will judge and are too close family-wise. I've actually thought about stopping this blog or making it private as sometimes I feel like I can't be completely honest anymore without hurting someones feelings or pissing someone off. But I love my blog name too much to give it up. Maybe someday I can stop caring so much about what other people think and just don't give a damn. But until then....
Thank you guys for sticking with me while I've been MIA over the last how many months. I know I haven't been the best of bloggy buds with visiting everyone and commenting. But I love y'all.
Going back to work has been a huge change for me and for our family. Things started out okay, then hit a major bump, got better and now I feel like it's off track again. Things are not working like they should and I just don't know what to do. I knew it was time for me to head back to work, and to be honest, we can't afford for me not to work anymore especially if we want to hit the big goals of a house, etc. I am having tremendous difficulty finding a balance and time management. I'm sucking majorly on all accounts. And if there is one thing to throw me into a tailspin it's repeated or lengthy failure. And that's where I've been lately.
I feel as if I'm failing with everything. Work, parenting, being a spouse, being a friend, etc. I am so overwhelmed at times, I have a minor meltdown and cry it out for a few minutes. I don't know how some people do it, they make life seem so effortless. And here I am struggling to clean my fucking toilet. Maybe people just pretend they are superhuman. I'm exhausted and angry with myself for not having willpower to stop eating chips & dip and actually get off my ass to exercise. I saw a billboard yesterday. One of those "Pass it on" posters, it had a guy who climbed Mt Everest. Blind. And I thought to myself, christ Denise. If this guy can climb a goddamn mountain blind, what the hell is wrong with you that you can't even walk a block for exercise. Just another twisted thought in my warped senses right now.
I had an ah-ha moment the other day when I figured out what's been eating at me for a few days now. Can't, or won't, talk about it here. But it makes sense and ultimately helps me work through it. I know this is something that is affecting me in a strong manner right now and I really need to just fucking deal with it. I thought I had, but apparently I haven't as well as I thought I did.
I've lost my mojo. I don't know what I have to do to get it back. I feel selfish taking time to do shit for myself, but I know that's how I recharge. The lack of communication at home right now is atrocious. We talk at each other, snipping and snapping, not talking with each other. I'm sure he doesn't feel supported and neither do I. I'm tired of being pissy. My positivity has flown the coop. And that has always been something that has stuck with me.
I will probably be taking a hiatus here for a bit while things work through. I'd love to vent and completely share, but there are eyes that read this that will judge and are too close family-wise. I've actually thought about stopping this blog or making it private as sometimes I feel like I can't be completely honest anymore without hurting someones feelings or pissing someone off. But I love my blog name too much to give it up. Maybe someday I can stop caring so much about what other people think and just don't give a damn. But until then....
Thank you guys for sticking with me while I've been MIA over the last how many months. I know I haven't been the best of bloggy buds with visiting everyone and commenting. But I love y'all.
Cha-cha-changes
The orange was driving me batty, so I'm back to a paler color. Working on another (better) photo)
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
New look?
I'm trying out some new colors, playing around some. Just because. The new photo is kinda gross now that I see it that blown up. My nail polish is chipping off. Hmm, maybe I'll shoot for a new photo this weekend. Sorry if feet gross you out.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Father's Day
Came across a cute article at CNN about Father's Day. Some parts are quite true and others more humorous.
For those out there who will be celebrating Father's Day with your partners....whatcha gettin' 'em?
For those out there who will be celebrating Father's Day with your partners....whatcha gettin' 'em?
Monday, June 15, 2009
Relief & Pride
Ariana started summer camp today. With baited breath I awaited this day, not sure of her attitude and what it would bring as the day came. We talked about it in a positive manner, but knowing how she reacts to new things I just wasn't sure. But she was a rock star, she didn't say she was scared until we were walking into the building. No fear last night or this morning at home. I'm so proud of her, and was so filled with relief I felt sort of guilty. She had a blast at her first day and cannot wait to go back again tomorrow.
This child continues to amaze me. And confound me. But for all the lows, the highs are so darn high and fantastic. And she's mine. I love her even when I'm thinking I could sell her.
This child continues to amaze me. And confound me. But for all the lows, the highs are so darn high and fantastic. And she's mine. I love her even when I'm thinking I could sell her.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Dead Weight
This title would be pretty descriptive of how I feel lately. Blah. Tired. Just want to crawl in bed and lay there. All day.
I'm coming down off my overwhelmed high of the walk and the busy month of May and entered my depressive state. It doesn't help that I'm on some new medication that may also seem to be assisting with fatigue.
My periods have been way whacked out for the past several months and after some checking with the doctor (gotta love the surprise gyno exam) and a rather lengthy ultrasound (findings: I have a large uterus and a cyst on one of my ovaries), he wants to put me on birth control to regulate my period. Shazaam. I don't need damn birth control anymore, dammit! My husband has been fixed! But I'm willing to give it a shot, or a ring in my case, to see if this will help out.
I'm just starting my second month on the ring and I hate it. Apparently, my odd size uterus also causes issues with my vagina. And the placement of the ring. The small print that comes with the packaging states that the ring may slip out during a bowel movement and that very low percentage of people can feel the ring up in the great wide openness that is my who-haw. But I can and it slipped out. Seriously, what a pain in the ass. Or should I say vagina?
Beyond the placement issues, I think this thing is causing my fatigue, nausea, leg pain, and a couple other small symptoms. And it just plain sucks. I'm thinking I should finish out the month to give it a go, but the leg pain could be a sign of blood clots, which isn't all that good. I occasionally get cramps in my calf muscle, say 1-3 crying, it hurts so bad, episodes per year. I've had about 5 in the last two weeks. Not so good.
Right now, my plan is to keep, or attempt to keep, the ring in through the week as we are going camping and I'm afraid Aunt Flo will start up again if I take it out. And let's face it, who the hell wants to go camping when you have your period. Double yuck. We get home, I think it's coming out. And I'll be back on the road to finding something that helps my freakin' weirdo body.
I'm coming down off my overwhelmed high of the walk and the busy month of May and entered my depressive state. It doesn't help that I'm on some new medication that may also seem to be assisting with fatigue.
My periods have been way whacked out for the past several months and after some checking with the doctor (gotta love the surprise gyno exam) and a rather lengthy ultrasound (findings: I have a large uterus and a cyst on one of my ovaries), he wants to put me on birth control to regulate my period. Shazaam. I don't need damn birth control anymore, dammit! My husband has been fixed! But I'm willing to give it a shot, or a ring in my case, to see if this will help out.
I'm just starting my second month on the ring and I hate it. Apparently, my odd size uterus also causes issues with my vagina. And the placement of the ring. The small print that comes with the packaging states that the ring may slip out during a bowel movement and that very low percentage of people can feel the ring up in the great wide openness that is my who-haw. But I can and it slipped out. Seriously, what a pain in the ass. Or should I say vagina?
Beyond the placement issues, I think this thing is causing my fatigue, nausea, leg pain, and a couple other small symptoms. And it just plain sucks. I'm thinking I should finish out the month to give it a go, but the leg pain could be a sign of blood clots, which isn't all that good. I occasionally get cramps in my calf muscle, say 1-3 crying, it hurts so bad, episodes per year. I've had about 5 in the last two weeks. Not so good.
Right now, my plan is to keep, or attempt to keep, the ring in through the week as we are going camping and I'm afraid Aunt Flo will start up again if I take it out. And let's face it, who the hell wants to go camping when you have your period. Double yuck. We get home, I think it's coming out. And I'll be back on the road to finding something that helps my freakin' weirdo body.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
2009 Wausau Preeclampsia Walk
The Preeclampsia Awareness Walk we hosted was a success! At least, in my book. My goal was to have 25-30 walkers and raise $1500. We had 40 registered walkers, with more kids that didn't pay to walk, and we raised over $2000!! You can still donate online if you wish at Wausau Walk.
We even made the news: WAOW
Thank you to those who sponsored the walk and to those who donated raffle items, they were a hit!! And a big shout out to the bellydancers!
Here are some highlights....
We even made the news: WAOW
Thank you to those who sponsored the walk and to those who donated raffle items, they were a hit!! And a big shout out to the bellydancers!
Here are some highlights....
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