An hour of my life today

Both kids are in the bath tub.
Phoenix is crying to get out cuz Ana splashed him.
I take him out where he cries cuz he wants back in.
I put him back in and he wants back out.
I take him, dry him off, & put a diaper on.
Ariana is now yelling that she wants out.
Phoenix is following me with his arms reached up and crying.
I pick him up. He wants down.

I need to pee.

I put him in the high chair with some snacks while I get lunch started. Ariana is now screaming. I go to the bathroom where I find her standing, dripping wet, on the bathroom rug. She wants a towel. I reply that there is one on the toilet seat at which she tells me smartly that she can't get it around here. I can tell she hasn't even tried.

I get the towel wrapped around her. She is cranky and I let her know lunch is ready. Would she like a cold or warm hot dog. "I don't want a hot dog." That is what is for lunch, I'm not making anything else. She chooses not to eat. Phoenix in the meantime is plowing through his mac & cheese and hot dog like I haven't fed him in a few days. He wants more. Ariana wants vanilla wafers. I tell her I will get to her in a minute as I'm dishing up for food for Phoenix. This throws her world off balance and she starts to spiral downward.

I need to pee.

Ariana continues to scream and I let her know if she does not stop she will be going to her room. The 4 year old scream continues. I pick her up and deposit her on her bed. I calmly inform her that I will be happy to get her juice and wafers after she calms down. And I walk out. Now, walking out always sets her off more. And of course, this time is no different. She hurtles herself at the door, kicking and screaming. I come back into the room and let her know that if she kicks or hits the door again she will be in sitting in the middle of the floor of the kitchen for a timeout. Amazingly, this stops that particular behavior. But nothing can quiet that primal screaming. I know that I need to leave and let her scream it out.

I come back into the kitchen where I find Phoenix has taken off the bib and is covered in mac & cheese sauce. His nice clean skin and hair is shiny and stinky. Great.

I need to pee.

He indicates he would like more food, so I shovel the rest at him. Not caring about the bib anymore. Ariana continues to scream. I am quickly losing my sanity and call Jason at work. Of course, he is still out to lunch and I get his voice mail. "You suck," I tell him. "You suck cuz you get to go to work and I'm here." Nice message huh.

Phoenix is now throwing his remaining food on the floor. I take him out and clean him up. There are noodles everywhere. All over the high chair and the floor. And aren't mac & cheese noodles fun to clean? Um, no. By now, Ariana is losing steam and is softly whimpering. I go in to her and give her her juice & wafers. She says she wants to watch tv. I let her know it's rest time and she can lay in her bed or lay on my bed and watch tv. "You pick" is her response. "No, you pick or you are staying here." She chooses my bedroom, but wants me to carry her. Hell no. Your legs are fine, if you want in the bedroom then walk.

I need to pee.

We all gander into my bedroom where Phoenix has found all the kitchen chairs (which are in hiding as he likes to crawl onto the table now) and is in 7th heaven. Ariana climbs into my bed and is doing that lovely pitiful cry that kids do. She wants to watch PBS. And I can't find the remote. (Our tv in this room is old and the buttons on the tv are broken, thus we need the remote) I can't find it anywhere. Phoenix is climbing the chairs, Ariana is crying louder, and I am swearing about the damn remote. UGH, why does life suck like this sometimes! I tempt fate and put new batteries in my remote (which was dead due to an exploding battery last month) and alas. It works! I turn to PBS and the elder child is calmed a bit. Phoenix is now standing on the lower rung of the back of the chair. Thank goodness it was against the bed or he would have toppled over.

Uh, I really need to pee.

I take Phoenix out of the bedroom and close the door. Only to hear Ariana screaming. "There are crumbs in here." Um, yes...you are eating vanilla wafers in my bed. Of course, you made crumbs. So I clean them out and get her settled. Phoenix is back on the frickin' chairs. And he smells.

I take him to change the poopy diaper. Get done and he starts to cry cuz he wants up on the chair in the living room. Usually he finds whatever box or toy he can use as a ladder, but not today. Today, at this moment, he'd rather scream cuz he can't get up. I lift him up and he is happy looking out the window. Oh man, I really need to pee.

I get to go pee. ;)

I come out and Phoenix is trying to crawl from the armchair to the toy box. I remove him and the phone rings. It's Jason. "You suck," I tell him.