What it could mean

Many of my friends & family know that I am currently on the list of eligible candidates for a probation/parole agent. My chances of getting interviews are extremely high as I am currently ranked in the top section of the listing. As much as I would love to work within the county I reside in, that most likely won't be happening for a while to come. It looks like I'll have to accept a position in a neighboring county and after a year I can hope for a transfer if my home county has a position available.

What many don't know is that I interviewd for an area county in July, and was offered a postion. We didn't tell a great deal of people at the time, but I unfortunately had to turn down the position. It was a difficult decision and one that caused a great deal of personal anxiety. The timing was just not right for our family.

Well, I've got another interview scheduled for next month with a county next door. If offered, I will most likely take the position. It would mean a one hour drive to and from work each day, but hopefully it wouldn't be for more than a year or two. This is an unbelieveable opportunity for me, and I hope the interview goes well.

To turn down the position in July caused me to doubt myself and my abilities. I was fearful that another position would not come along and I had lost my one chance. It felt like I was giving up on my dream. I cannot express the relief and happiness I felt when I got the letter last week asking for an interview. I literally sat in the van at the mailbox with tears streaming down my face. I called Jason as soon as I drove into the driveway.

I have a month to go before the interview, so hopefully I won't psych myself out. Going back to work is obviously going to mean huge changes for our family and it won't be easy. But I'd be doing a job that I enjoy (hopefully) and we'd be having extra income that would be very beneficial. It does make me sad to know that I'll have to put the kids back into daycare. I was hoping to stay home with Phoenix until he was two, but he's a pretty social kid so I'm sure he'll do well. I think Ariana will have the more difficult time of it.

The fear of the unknown is powerful. Will driving 60 miles each way daily have a major impact on our lives? Will I be able to spend time with my kids each night or will I see them just as they are getting ready for bed? Will I be able to get up at the buttcrack of dawn again to get to work on time?

So many thoughts.