Monday, April 30, 2007

4 years....

Four years ago, I lay in bed thinking I had the flu. I couldn't eat or drink without it coming back up. The abdominal pain was intense and got to the point I could not find any position that would relieve the pain.

Four years ago, I did not know I was days away from giving birth to my beloved daughter. That I would have to lie on my left side for over 24 hours and receive a drug (magnesium sulfate) that would prevent me from having a seizure.

Four years ago, I did not know the words "preeclampsia" and how they could affect a person's life. While I had glanced at the paragraph on preeclampsia in the pregnancy books it was something that I wouldn't have to worry about. I had no clue what HELLP was, or that it even existed.

Four years ago, I was still naive and was having the "perfect" pregnancy. Now I know things don't go as planned and our experience has made us stronger. Awareness is so important to me and if I can reach out to just one person, it has all been worth it.

Four years ago, I never expected to have a 4lb baby who would have to stay at the hospital while I went home. I never expected the feelings of guilt, loss, careful happiness that came our way. I never expected to be able to hold my baby while she was hooked up to monitors, or only be able to hold her for brief periods of time before she needed to go back into the isolette so she wouldn't lose too much body heat.

Four years ago, I knew my life was about to change with the upcoming birth of our first child. What I didn't know was how much love could exist inside me, and that this child would amaze me daily.

Ariana turns 4 this week, and mom is happy, excited, and sad that her little girl is growing up.

A few days old
April 2007

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