A New Life

It's been one month.  One month since A has been on her medication.  Let me preface this post by stating that medications are not for everyone.  I can only speak to our experience and from our standpoint, medication for our child's anxiety issues has been a lifesaver.

Deciding to have your child medicated is not an easy decision.  It is one we made after much thought, months of therapy (which continues), and in consultation with a child pyschiatrist.  I was resistant to the idea for a long time.  And after a while I became more open to the idea.  After day in and day out fighting with her or her worries, not knowing what you say could cause her to explode, not sure if your child is feeling okay about herself today or if she wants to hurt herself.  It was exhausting.  And lonely.  I have shared some of our experience here, but not a great deal.  Many people who know A have no idea how far her worries go or ever see the "real" thing.  It took the experiences of others in similar situations, careful thought, and loads of discussion to make the decision.

And it was one of the best decisions we've ever made.  She is a different A.  In a great way.  I was intensely worried that she would be zoned out or changed in a bad way by the meds.  She's not.  It allows her to have her real self shine through.  The worries don't get in the way.  She's happy, not bogged down by intense emotions, and is able to handle talking with mom & dad without someone melting down.  Rather than having daily, or almost daily, incidents to deal with; we have once in a while incidents.  She still does have worries, still has self-esteem issues, still feels strongly about things.  But she can do so without having this extra "thing" tagging along.  That is the best way I can think to word it.  The "thing" does not control life anymore. 

The Dr. indicated she'd be on the meds for approximately 6 months and then we will wean her off to see where she's at.  She may need them for only 6 months, 1 year, a couple years, or perhaps forever.  We simply do not know what will happen as she develops into her pre-teen, teen, and adult years.  The hope is that if things can re-wire themselves she won't need meds long-term, but if she does, so be it.   As she grows, she can utilize and understand more tools to help herself.  We continue to use cognitive methods and tools to help her, and will continue to do so.

I love that little girl.  Fiercely.  And I know in my heart we made the right choice for her.