As 2007 comes to a close, everyone around the world is doing their reflective thinking. And why should I be any different? It's been quite the year for us, one that will remain in memory for a long time to come.
Let's see, what were our biggies?
*Ariana starting off the year with the flu. "Daddy, why I exploded?"
*The slow thaw of winter (always sucky)
*Another year passes me by and I'm one step further into my 30's in Feb.
*Dress shopping with my sister-in-law for her wedding gown, it was quite the fun day.
*A tumble down the stairs for Phoenix, who thankfully knows how to fall and not get too seriously hurt.
*A birthday girl turns 4 years old and her favorite gift is a remote control spider.
*Phoenix turns one year old.
*We participated in the 3rd Annual Preeclampsia Foundation walk-a-thon, raising over $1300 thanks to our family & friends!
*Lots of camping
*A trip or two to the zoo
*Remembering the losses that have touched our hearts, recently and those in years past.
*Another crisp day picking apples and eating them to our hearts content while in the orchard.
*Another fishing and hunting season closes with my husband safe and happy.
*The Packers are having a great season, which warms my husbands heart. He even gets to go to two games this year.
*Gathering family together over the holidays. Being thankful for those we have around us.
*Ending the year with sickness, both kids have the yuckies. (is this going to be a theme?)
What I've learned this year:
*I'm much stronger than I ever imagined.
*Time goes much faster with two children.
*I love my husband more than ever before. His support and encouragement are such a wonderful thing to have. His arms were made for me.
*My heart can heal after breaking.
*It's okay to speak your mind, as long as you are respectful to others.
*While I have this insane need to juggle a billion things, I begin to break down under the stress after a while.
*Letting go of expectations. Expectation of myself and others.
*Real friends are with you anytime you need them, never judging or telling you what to do. They listen and offer their shoulder to lean on.
*I struggle internally when I work with people who don't like to plan.
*My children are my saving grace, allowing me to love and be loved in return with no limitations.
*Laughter is still the best medicine, and I treasure the moments that end in laughter. Especially the belly ache and tears down your face kind of laughing.
*Writing is theraputic for me, and I'm thankful that I started blogging, which has continued to broaden my horizons and allowed me to meet some pretty cool people.
So, how's that? I'm keeping my fingers crossed that 2008 will be a banner year.
Monday, December 31, 2007
Saturday, December 29, 2007
FABulous!
Found this on Blogger's "Blog of Note" tonight. I love it! I know a few yards in our location that we could submit.
Tacky Christmas Yards
Tacky Christmas Yards
Ache
Preeclampsia claims another life.
Kalamazoo Gazette
Tuscon family
These are two news stories where both moms died while giving birth to triplets. There had been word that the Tuscon woman died from preeclampsia, but no mention in this particular link.
When will it stop? My heart is just aching for these families.
These women are the reason I continue to support the fight against preeclampsia. Until the day comes that no woman has to worry about developing this horrible condition, I will remain involved. The day that my daughter doesn't have to worry about it if and when she chooses to have babies of her own.
Preeclampsia robs you of so many things. The naivety of the wonders of pregnancy, the oh-so-happy endings, the fearlessness of choosing to have another child, I could go on and on.
Kalamazoo Gazette
Tuscon family
These are two news stories where both moms died while giving birth to triplets. There had been word that the Tuscon woman died from preeclampsia, but no mention in this particular link.
When will it stop? My heart is just aching for these families.
These women are the reason I continue to support the fight against preeclampsia. Until the day comes that no woman has to worry about developing this horrible condition, I will remain involved. The day that my daughter doesn't have to worry about it if and when she chooses to have babies of her own.
Preeclampsia robs you of so many things. The naivety of the wonders of pregnancy, the oh-so-happy endings, the fearlessness of choosing to have another child, I could go on and on.
Can I do it?
I'm at 288 posts (this will be 289). Can I make 300 before the year ends? Without making stupid, short-ass postings?
Dec 31st update: Ah yeah, not going to make it. ;)
Dec 31st update: Ah yeah, not going to make it. ;)
No Go
Well, I got my letter the other day from the office where I interviewed. "Thanks, but no thanks." I'm okay with it, for the most part. Of course, there is always that piece of you that feels like shit and that you aren't good enough. But, all in all, I'm okay with it. Hopefully this means something better (read: closer) in my future. It would have been a great foot in the door, but I wasn't looking forward to driving 56 miles to work and back home each day.
The sucky thing is that the list of candidates expires on Feb 18th, so if I don't get anything in the next month I'll have to reapply and do the examinations again in Madison. And I'll be pissed if I drop in ranking. But what can I do?
The sucky thing is that the list of candidates expires on Feb 18th, so if I don't get anything in the next month I'll have to reapply and do the examinations again in Madison. And I'll be pissed if I drop in ranking. But what can I do?
We Wish You A Merry Christmas
Here are the promised photos from Ariana's holiday program at school.
Here is her gingerbread house she built
Here is some video of the three songs I caught pieces of on video.
Here is her gingerbread house she built
Here is some video of the three songs I caught pieces of on video.
Exhaustion
Exhaustion is starting to set in. Ariana has been sick for a week, and Phoenix followed her starting on Monday. They've been cranky during the day and sleeping like crap at night. Thankfully it's typically one or the other during the nighttime, so that helps a bit. But jeez, I'm about ready to go on a solo vacation where I can sleep late and just sit around all day doing nothing but read a book. ;)
Friday, December 28, 2007
Snowfall
Last Saturday we were dumped on. We had 10 inches in our driveway and we got stuck in the road in the entrance to the driveway. We had to wait for the snowplow to go through before we ventured out.
And we got rain before it switched to snow, which made things even lovelier. ;)
And we got rain before it switched to snow, which made things even lovelier. ;)
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Fudge
We lost our internet on Thursday. They finally figured that our modem is blown and of course we are no longer under the warranty. However, the dude is going to send a free replacement anyway. We just won't have it until Wed/Thurs.
Great.
Great.
Who & Why
So, I've been getting some people linking to me via another blog and I have no clue who the blogger is. For the Love of Sanity is a blogger who is set up to have only invited readers, but I'm not one of them. They have to be linking to me somehow. So, if you are checking my blog out from there, please drop me a comment and say hi.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Really? Seriously?
So, my youngest child has taken a delightful fancy to removing his clothing. He apparently likes to be in the buff. You should see that lil hiney take off when you are getting him ready for a bath, it's just too darn cute.
I laid him down for a nap the other day and much to my dismay, he cried for a while, then played in the crib, and then....ah, silence. I enjoy my tranquility for a while until I hear him awaken. Usually he plays a bit or talks to himself, so I was in no rush to go into the room. Big mistake. Huge mistake. Awful mistake.
He crapped his diaper. Before he must have fallen asleep. He removed the diaper. And there was crap EVERYWHERE! The smell was atrocious, like almost gag-worthy. Ugh.
He's waving at me and all I see are brown fingers and hands. Brown spots on his arms and chest. It's on his legs, butt, and feet. How the hell am I going to clean this up? I find a clean spot under his arms and lift him up, deposit him in the bathroom on a rug that I figure if worse comes to worse, I can toss it. I attempt to remove most of the crap by using wipes to collect if off his body before I throw him into the tub. Nothing could be worse than this, other than having a poopy tub to clean up too. ;) Some of the poop is dried and stuck on, you know the kind I'm talking about.
He is delighted and attempts to escape into the living room. Um, I don't think so kid. I soap him up good and wipe him down. Empty the water right away and refill it to help rinse him off. He's looking at me like I've lost it, what are you doing mom?
I ended up just removing the crib sheet & pad and folding all the blankets & clothes up inside. I shook them out right outside the door, just in case, before taking them down to start them in the washer. I've had to deal with this before with him, but never this bad. The front rails and the one side railing was covered. I wiped them down twice, once with a wipe to clean them off and then with a bleach wipe to clean it. Yuck.
I consider that my good mommy deed for the month.
I laid him down for a nap the other day and much to my dismay, he cried for a while, then played in the crib, and then....ah, silence. I enjoy my tranquility for a while until I hear him awaken. Usually he plays a bit or talks to himself, so I was in no rush to go into the room. Big mistake. Huge mistake. Awful mistake.
He crapped his diaper. Before he must have fallen asleep. He removed the diaper. And there was crap EVERYWHERE! The smell was atrocious, like almost gag-worthy. Ugh.
He's waving at me and all I see are brown fingers and hands. Brown spots on his arms and chest. It's on his legs, butt, and feet. How the hell am I going to clean this up? I find a clean spot under his arms and lift him up, deposit him in the bathroom on a rug that I figure if worse comes to worse, I can toss it. I attempt to remove most of the crap by using wipes to collect if off his body before I throw him into the tub. Nothing could be worse than this, other than having a poopy tub to clean up too. ;) Some of the poop is dried and stuck on, you know the kind I'm talking about.
He is delighted and attempts to escape into the living room. Um, I don't think so kid. I soap him up good and wipe him down. Empty the water right away and refill it to help rinse him off. He's looking at me like I've lost it, what are you doing mom?
I ended up just removing the crib sheet & pad and folding all the blankets & clothes up inside. I shook them out right outside the door, just in case, before taking them down to start them in the washer. I've had to deal with this before with him, but never this bad. The front rails and the one side railing was covered. I wiped them down twice, once with a wipe to clean them off and then with a bleach wipe to clean it. Yuck.
I consider that my good mommy deed for the month.
Dammit
I completely meant to blog about something that Jason did yesterday, even forwarned him I'd be blogging about it, but for the life of me today I cannot recall what it is.
Awesome Friend
I am thankful to have my AWEsome friend. You know who you are. I can count on you for anything!
Jingle Bells
Ariana had her holiday program at school yesterday, and she sang her heart out. I was so proud to see her singing as last year she didn't open her mouth and stood there shyly. I'm working on getting photos up today hopefully.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Personal Dilemma
So, I've been working the two part time jobs in addition to my travel agent work and my all emcompassing job as a stay at home mom. ;) I'm plum-tuckered out. I'm so ready to be done working at ON, but I feel like I'm quitting a committment I made. I don't even know if I will have a job there after the holidays since I'm a seasonal employee. I made just over minimum wage, so it's not like I'm bringing in huge bucks for my time.
I was going to stop by yesterday and tell them that Sat would be my last day, but I chickened out. I hate conflict, and the guilt I'm feeling would have come through when they would have asked me to please stay. I can't say no very well.
I know in my heart what I want to do, but feel like such an awful person that I'm not doing it.
*Update: I quit! And with a slight feeling of guilt that moved quickly to intense relief.
I was going to stop by yesterday and tell them that Sat would be my last day, but I chickened out. I hate conflict, and the guilt I'm feeling would have come through when they would have asked me to please stay. I can't say no very well.
I know in my heart what I want to do, but feel like such an awful person that I'm not doing it.
*Update: I quit! And with a slight feeling of guilt that moved quickly to intense relief.
Monday, December 17, 2007
Walking Down The Hall
I returned to the birthing center last month to visit a friend who had her baby. I couldn't wait to see her and to offer my congrats. However as soon as I walked into the elevator, I was transported back in time. Every time I ride in that elevator, I think of the day we left the hospital and our little girl stayed. That isn't the way things are supposed to work. As I enter the nursing station, I'm hit with the NICU on the right. I can see the window that Ariana was next to during her 15 day stay.
The memories flood back. The wheelchair ride to the nursery for my first look at our daughter. Being told I can't hold her that time since she was having some issues. Sitting next to her isolette reading The Hungry Caterpillar. My first mother's day spent giving her her first bath. The pedi telling us we can take her home.
I shake my head and bring myself back to the present only to walk past the triage room. So many fears in that room for me. I falter and my breathing hitches, then comes faster. I can do this, I tell myself. I continue cautiously past the room where I was admitted with Ariana, past the room where I had Phoenix. I was trying to keep breathing calmly, but afraid of a sudden memory that would spin me suddenly. My brain was flooded with the emotions of those stays.
I sigh with gratefulness as I reach my friend's room. Thankful that the memories will stop for a while. Then I see that tiny bundle and my heart skips. I smile as I'm reeling. I bravely remain outwardly calm and happy for my friend, but inside am filled with a sadness and grief I was not expecting.
My stay with them was short, but good. I never let on that I was inwardly awkward. As I left the hospital and walked through the doors into the free air, I took a deep breath and by the time I reached the car the tears were falling. I cannot put into words the exact emotions that I was feeling at the moment, but it was theraputic and I'm hoping the next time we visit the birthing center I won't have such a "memorable" visit.
The memories flood back. The wheelchair ride to the nursery for my first look at our daughter. Being told I can't hold her that time since she was having some issues. Sitting next to her isolette reading The Hungry Caterpillar. My first mother's day spent giving her her first bath. The pedi telling us we can take her home.
I shake my head and bring myself back to the present only to walk past the triage room. So many fears in that room for me. I falter and my breathing hitches, then comes faster. I can do this, I tell myself. I continue cautiously past the room where I was admitted with Ariana, past the room where I had Phoenix. I was trying to keep breathing calmly, but afraid of a sudden memory that would spin me suddenly. My brain was flooded with the emotions of those stays.
I sigh with gratefulness as I reach my friend's room. Thankful that the memories will stop for a while. Then I see that tiny bundle and my heart skips. I smile as I'm reeling. I bravely remain outwardly calm and happy for my friend, but inside am filled with a sadness and grief I was not expecting.
My stay with them was short, but good. I never let on that I was inwardly awkward. As I left the hospital and walked through the doors into the free air, I took a deep breath and by the time I reached the car the tears were falling. I cannot put into words the exact emotions that I was feeling at the moment, but it was theraputic and I'm hoping the next time we visit the birthing center I won't have such a "memorable" visit.
My laugh out loud today
GW Bush Paper Doll
A friend told me about these today and I laughed my ass off. Apparently W's doll is him in his skivvies and cowboy boots.
A friend told me about these today and I laughed my ass off. Apparently W's doll is him in his skivvies and cowboy boots.
Thoughts Please
We have friends who's daughter is in surgery this morning to close her PDA. Mom is a woman I met through our mutual affliction with preeclampsia.
Here's a bit of what she wrote...
"She's been followed by a pediatric cardiologist since she was born, because she was born with a congenital heart defect called a Patent Ductus Arteriosus (PDA), which is essentially an open artery in the heart that should be closed off. It causes a loud murmur, and allows oxygenated blood to flow the wrong way back into the lungs and right ventricle, instead of off into the body where it's supposed to go. This causes her heart and lungs to work extra hard just to keep up. Because it didn't cause problems with her breathing and eating when she was little, they chose to watch and wait. We are very thankful that she didn't have to have the surgery when she was so little and fragile, when she was first born. By 11 months old they warned us it probably wouldn't close on it's own, and would have to be closed around age 2.
They are planning on doing catheter surgery which is minimally invasive, running a line up the leg vein in through the middle of the heart to the artery, and inserting a device that will help clot and seal over the artery. The device will be forever implanted in her heart and is made of nickel and titanium (very small & lite). There are of course some risks, but the procedure is highly recommended at this time due to her increasing complications. And of course there are risks if the procedure isn't performed."
So please send good thoughts to Avery and her parents for a quick recovery.
*Update: She's doing well, and should be coming home in the morning!
Here's a bit of what she wrote...
"She's been followed by a pediatric cardiologist since she was born, because she was born with a congenital heart defect called a Patent Ductus Arteriosus (PDA), which is essentially an open artery in the heart that should be closed off. It causes a loud murmur, and allows oxygenated blood to flow the wrong way back into the lungs and right ventricle, instead of off into the body where it's supposed to go. This causes her heart and lungs to work extra hard just to keep up. Because it didn't cause problems with her breathing and eating when she was little, they chose to watch and wait. We are very thankful that she didn't have to have the surgery when she was so little and fragile, when she was first born. By 11 months old they warned us it probably wouldn't close on it's own, and would have to be closed around age 2.
They are planning on doing catheter surgery which is minimally invasive, running a line up the leg vein in through the middle of the heart to the artery, and inserting a device that will help clot and seal over the artery. The device will be forever implanted in her heart and is made of nickel and titanium (very small & lite). There are of course some risks, but the procedure is highly recommended at this time due to her increasing complications. And of course there are risks if the procedure isn't performed."
So please send good thoughts to Avery and her parents for a quick recovery.
*Update: She's doing well, and should be coming home in the morning!
Interview Day
I have my interview this afternoon.
*Update: Well it went alright. Pretty much as I expected. I should hear something in a few days I guess.
*Update: Well it went alright. Pretty much as I expected. I should hear something in a few days I guess.
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Proud
My dad graduates today! I'm so proud of him! And he was awarded the Outstanding Graduate in his program.
Friday, December 14, 2007
Whining
I'm so darn whiney right now. I am tired and I am ready to be done working the PT job at ON. I work for just above minimum wage, and I most likely won't have a job there after two weeks as I'm seasonal. Ugh. But I can't quit now as I made the committment and feel badly about leaving them right before Christmas. I just wish I could get some more energy to help make it through the day.
Quote
I don't know who originally said it, but I came across this today.
Sometimes you put up walls not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.
Sometimes you put up walls not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.
Why do I?
Why do I fall into another person's created crisis? So, the friend that I mentioned the other day called me back and we spoke at length about how things are going. She does have PPD, and her doc put her on meds right away. She mentioned it to the people she works with when she came for a visit. Lots of things culminated into this frantic "We're worried she's going to kill her baby" and "We're so worried about her" talk. Apparently when she came for that first visit, she had someone help her carry the baby in and back out to the car. Baby was passed around and at one point someone asked if she wanted the baby back and she said no, I'm with her all day you can hold her longer. Then since she was meaning to make a quick visit and the baby had just eaten before they left, she only packed one bottle to bring along. If you take these things in the regular context of a new mother, it's not really a big deal right? I don't think so.
Well, with the PPD announcement and skewed opinions of some, the assumption was made that mom didn't want anything to do with her baby and that she didn't have enough food to feed her. I am so pissed at the judgements that were made, and I still don't have the entire story. ONE person went to someone else and shared HER assumptions, without asking more questions. Did it come out that mom's c-section scar was oozing and causing issues, and her doc suggested she carry minimal amounts? No. Her last week of pregnancy included multiple admissions to the birthing center for induction due to a high blood pressure scare. She ended up laboring and never getting passed 3cm. Baby pooped inside and there was an infection in her placenta, all these things resulted in a c/s. Mom was plum tuckered out, and I don't blame her.
There is some history with this situation that I think colored people's opinions and assumptions. When this person discovered she was pregnant, she was thinking about all of her options. This pregnancy was unplanned and they are not in the best financial situation at the moment. She was thinking about terminating, and that pissed some people off. What upsets me about this is the work that is done by these people is that of discussing options and empowering yourself to make your own choices. She did not get the support that some of these people offer to clients. Why is she different? (She did have pressure from other sources to keep the baby, so this wasn't the only source.) Obviously, she decided to carry the baby. There is one person who is struggling with infertility and all of this resulted in some poor assumptions and judgements made. I understand the jealousy, anger, and disappointment of not getting pregnant when it seems like everyone else is around you. I get that, I remember the sadness of each month. But while I was jealous and sad for myself, I never let that diminish another person's joy. I supported women who were looking at termination for their pregnancies while I was pregnant, and I never allowed my personal life to interfere with that. It's not my right. It is her choice, not mine.
I could go on and on, but I won't. I'm saddened that some could not support this person in a way they would a client. I'm saddened that she was made to feel like an awful person for wanting to "get rid of her baby" (one person's words). Until you walk in her shoes, or anyone else's who even has to take that under consideration...shut the hell up. It's not an easy decision and many struggle with it and grieve. I'm disappointed that people take things at first glance and run with them without asking for more information or providing support and care for someone who is struggling. Not everyone there did this, but there were a few who did. And all it takes is one person to start something.
In the end, mom is getting help, feeling better, and enjoying her little one. She's understanding now how much work it is to care for a baby, and wishes for more sleep. But were we all like that with our first child?
Well, with the PPD announcement and skewed opinions of some, the assumption was made that mom didn't want anything to do with her baby and that she didn't have enough food to feed her. I am so pissed at the judgements that were made, and I still don't have the entire story. ONE person went to someone else and shared HER assumptions, without asking more questions. Did it come out that mom's c-section scar was oozing and causing issues, and her doc suggested she carry minimal amounts? No. Her last week of pregnancy included multiple admissions to the birthing center for induction due to a high blood pressure scare. She ended up laboring and never getting passed 3cm. Baby pooped inside and there was an infection in her placenta, all these things resulted in a c/s. Mom was plum tuckered out, and I don't blame her.
There is some history with this situation that I think colored people's opinions and assumptions. When this person discovered she was pregnant, she was thinking about all of her options. This pregnancy was unplanned and they are not in the best financial situation at the moment. She was thinking about terminating, and that pissed some people off. What upsets me about this is the work that is done by these people is that of discussing options and empowering yourself to make your own choices. She did not get the support that some of these people offer to clients. Why is she different? (She did have pressure from other sources to keep the baby, so this wasn't the only source.) Obviously, she decided to carry the baby. There is one person who is struggling with infertility and all of this resulted in some poor assumptions and judgements made. I understand the jealousy, anger, and disappointment of not getting pregnant when it seems like everyone else is around you. I get that, I remember the sadness of each month. But while I was jealous and sad for myself, I never let that diminish another person's joy. I supported women who were looking at termination for their pregnancies while I was pregnant, and I never allowed my personal life to interfere with that. It's not my right. It is her choice, not mine.
I could go on and on, but I won't. I'm saddened that some could not support this person in a way they would a client. I'm saddened that she was made to feel like an awful person for wanting to "get rid of her baby" (one person's words). Until you walk in her shoes, or anyone else's who even has to take that under consideration...shut the hell up. It's not an easy decision and many struggle with it and grieve. I'm disappointed that people take things at first glance and run with them without asking for more information or providing support and care for someone who is struggling. Not everyone there did this, but there were a few who did. And all it takes is one person to start something.
In the end, mom is getting help, feeling better, and enjoying her little one. She's understanding now how much work it is to care for a baby, and wishes for more sleep. But were we all like that with our first child?
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Worry
A friend of mine had her first child last month. She's a wonderful person who always puts others first. She was very nervous to have this little being dependent on her. That her baby would grow up to be a bad person. She had a rough delivery, but when I saw her a day later she seemed to be in good spirits.
I have thought about her often over the last two weeks and have been meaning to call her to see how things are going. I find out tonight that others are worried about her and that she may be sufferering from postpartum depression.
I'm now worried about her. I called to leave a message tonight, I'm just hoping she calls me back. This is not something that I've experienced myself, so I'm not sure how to best help her.
I have thought about her often over the last two weeks and have been meaning to call her to see how things are going. I find out tonight that others are worried about her and that she may be sufferering from postpartum depression.
I'm now worried about her. I called to leave a message tonight, I'm just hoping she calls me back. This is not something that I've experienced myself, so I'm not sure how to best help her.
Game Day Photos
Two guys in pure joy of their day
Gilbert Brown signing autographs (at $20 a pop)
At the tailgate party at Brett Favre's Steakhouse (came with the package we got them)
Game shots
WOOHOO!
Final score
For posterity
Gilbert Brown signing autographs (at $20 a pop)
At the tailgate party at Brett Favre's Steakhouse (came with the package we got them)
Game shots
WOOHOO!
Final score
For posterity
Monday, December 10, 2007
Dear Ariana
Age 4, Dec 2007
For my sunshine,
You are my miracle, and I am grateful for you daily. Even in the moments when I'm gritting my teeth in frustration with you. You are full of energy, curiosity, and love. Nothing is halfway with you, you feel things fully at 150%.
You grew a love for dresses this year and you wore them ALL summer. You were quite put out with me when I told you that you would have to wear pants for school some days. You think you are beautiful when you paint up your face with your makeup and I try to hide my laughter. Never lose that please. You are so proud of yourself when you accomplish a new task, even though getting there is a rough spot. You are also hard on yourself, and you will never know how much this grieves me. You have the best twinkle in your eyes when you are excited. And you make the cutest face when you are mad.
You are growing into such a big girl, and that transformation has become apparent this year. My little 4lb guppie is now a young girl. Not my toddler anymore. I have to ask for kisses more often than you just giving them up. You never give a half-hearted hug, it's full arms tight.
You love your princesses. You also love your dinosaurs and bugs. You play volcano and earthquake. You LOVE to "art" as you call it. You tell us you are going to study volcanoes and tornadoes when you grow up. You are learning that teasing your little brother is fun. You are learning to read and write. When you spell a word that you see and read it to me, it melts my heart. You have friends at school and like your teacher.
You don't like the dark, and I (and sometimes dad too) have to do the "mommy monster dance" when it's time for bed. You insist upon your 3 stories at bedtime and we always sing "You are my sunshine."
You ARE my sunshine. You are unrepeatable.
Love,
Mommy
For my sunshine,
You are my miracle, and I am grateful for you daily. Even in the moments when I'm gritting my teeth in frustration with you. You are full of energy, curiosity, and love. Nothing is halfway with you, you feel things fully at 150%.
You grew a love for dresses this year and you wore them ALL summer. You were quite put out with me when I told you that you would have to wear pants for school some days. You think you are beautiful when you paint up your face with your makeup and I try to hide my laughter. Never lose that please. You are so proud of yourself when you accomplish a new task, even though getting there is a rough spot. You are also hard on yourself, and you will never know how much this grieves me. You have the best twinkle in your eyes when you are excited. And you make the cutest face when you are mad.
You are growing into such a big girl, and that transformation has become apparent this year. My little 4lb guppie is now a young girl. Not my toddler anymore. I have to ask for kisses more often than you just giving them up. You never give a half-hearted hug, it's full arms tight.
You love your princesses. You also love your dinosaurs and bugs. You play volcano and earthquake. You LOVE to "art" as you call it. You tell us you are going to study volcanoes and tornadoes when you grow up. You are learning that teasing your little brother is fun. You are learning to read and write. When you spell a word that you see and read it to me, it melts my heart. You have friends at school and like your teacher.
You don't like the dark, and I (and sometimes dad too) have to do the "mommy monster dance" when it's time for bed. You insist upon your 3 stories at bedtime and we always sing "You are my sunshine."
You ARE my sunshine. You are unrepeatable.
Love,
Mommy
Dear Phoenix (18 months)
My dearest son,
You are so stinkin' silly. You bring a smile to my face daily and the joy that eminates from you is undeniable. You don't talk too much right now, but more and more words are on their way. "Hot" is the latest accomplishment, although it sounds more like "Ha". You are loving the Christmas tree and driving us crazy as you crawl underneath and turn the lights on and off.
You have an affinity for the Wiggles, and when you dance you twirl in circles. Climbing is life's greatest adventure for you at this time. You move almost anything you can so you can reach things.
You are so adorable when you lay your head next to your big sister when she's tired or not feeling well. And those smooches you give are wonderful. You love to wave goodbye from the window when daddy leaves for work. You are bashful when meeting a new person, but warm up quickly. You are a jabber-jaws.
You are in love with your nukie. Mommy wants to limit it's use, but I don't think it's going to go over very well. Popcorn is a recent addition, and you get mad when mommy lets you have only one piece at a time. You love to clap and make that wonderful boyish "urgh" sound. You think jumping on our bellies is incredibly funny.
You can throw one heck of a tantrum when you are mad. You have recently learned that throwing things gets you attention. You like to hang out with your sister while she's in a timeout, much to our non-amusement. You love to be naked, and it's no surprise when I find you in your crib sans clothing.
You are a light of hope and love for me. I cannot imagine my life without you.
I love you
Mommy
You are so stinkin' silly. You bring a smile to my face daily and the joy that eminates from you is undeniable. You don't talk too much right now, but more and more words are on their way. "Hot" is the latest accomplishment, although it sounds more like "Ha". You are loving the Christmas tree and driving us crazy as you crawl underneath and turn the lights on and off.
You have an affinity for the Wiggles, and when you dance you twirl in circles. Climbing is life's greatest adventure for you at this time. You move almost anything you can so you can reach things.
You are so adorable when you lay your head next to your big sister when she's tired or not feeling well. And those smooches you give are wonderful. You love to wave goodbye from the window when daddy leaves for work. You are bashful when meeting a new person, but warm up quickly. You are a jabber-jaws.
You are in love with your nukie. Mommy wants to limit it's use, but I don't think it's going to go over very well. Popcorn is a recent addition, and you get mad when mommy lets you have only one piece at a time. You love to clap and make that wonderful boyish "urgh" sound. You think jumping on our bellies is incredibly funny.
You can throw one heck of a tantrum when you are mad. You have recently learned that throwing things gets you attention. You like to hang out with your sister while she's in a timeout, much to our non-amusement. You love to be naked, and it's no surprise when I find you in your crib sans clothing.
You are a light of hope and love for me. I cannot imagine my life without you.
I love you
Mommy
Letting Go
I have difficulty letting certain things go. Things that I believe I have done incorrectly or somehow messed up. I shoulder the responsibility of things that may not mean anything to the other party, or things that don't really need responsibility. Even if it's something out of my control, I tend to beat myself up over it.
I have a moment from junior year of high school that still causes me tremendous guilt. It's been over 15 years and I still feel the weight of my slip-up. It's inconsequential now, and has been for years. But I can't forgive myself for it.
This afternoon on my way to pick up Ariana from school, I was stopped at a 4-way stop. There was a van to my left that stopped just after I did. Just as I started to go, I saw a bike pop into my line of vision in the front. The guy was hidden by the hunk of metal that helps hold my roof up, the side of the front window. I stopped immediately and let him cross. As he rode in front of my he gestured at himself and gave me a dirty look. I immediately felt awful that I didn't see the guy. I tried to get over it, but then I started telling myself that I wasn't really paying close enough attention and I continued to berate myself. It was 3 hours ago and I still feel badly. What the hell is wrong with me?
I talk to myself in a not-so-friendly manner. I am aware that this is not good for my emotional or mental health. I know the minute that I start in on myself that what I am doing is wrong and try to stop myself. But I've been doing it for so long, I find it difficult to stop.
I need to let go of my insecurities and know that I am a decent person. I need to let go of shouldering responsibility for things that I have no control over and that are not my fault. I need to let go of the negative self image I hold. I need to let go of the denials I tell myself.
I need to let go. I must let go of these things.
I have a moment from junior year of high school that still causes me tremendous guilt. It's been over 15 years and I still feel the weight of my slip-up. It's inconsequential now, and has been for years. But I can't forgive myself for it.
This afternoon on my way to pick up Ariana from school, I was stopped at a 4-way stop. There was a van to my left that stopped just after I did. Just as I started to go, I saw a bike pop into my line of vision in the front. The guy was hidden by the hunk of metal that helps hold my roof up, the side of the front window. I stopped immediately and let him cross. As he rode in front of my he gestured at himself and gave me a dirty look. I immediately felt awful that I didn't see the guy. I tried to get over it, but then I started telling myself that I wasn't really paying close enough attention and I continued to berate myself. It was 3 hours ago and I still feel badly. What the hell is wrong with me?
I talk to myself in a not-so-friendly manner. I am aware that this is not good for my emotional or mental health. I know the minute that I start in on myself that what I am doing is wrong and try to stop myself. But I've been doing it for so long, I find it difficult to stop.
I need to let go of my insecurities and know that I am a decent person. I need to let go of shouldering responsibility for things that I have no control over and that are not my fault. I need to let go of the negative self image I hold. I need to let go of the denials I tell myself.
I need to let go. I must let go of these things.
Sunday, December 9, 2007
Go Pack
Jason and my dad are at the Packer game today, freezing their tushies off possibly. Or at least a little toe. Jason was so giddy last evening and couldn't wait to be on their way this morning.
Update: Pack wins! I'll have some photos up soon.
Update: Pack wins! I'll have some photos up soon.
Thursday, December 6, 2007
I love my kids, but
I love my kids, but there are days when the headaches are abound and I just want to escape from it all. Not many, but there are days.
Phoenix is supposed to be taking a nap at the moment. But like me who is doing something other than what I planned on doing (wrapping gifts), I can hear him playing in his room. Which means he crawled out of the crib. Let's just hope he kept his diaper on this time. I better go check.
Phoenix is supposed to be taking a nap at the moment. But like me who is doing something other than what I planned on doing (wrapping gifts), I can hear him playing in his room. Which means he crawled out of the crib. Let's just hope he kept his diaper on this time. I better go check.
My Inner Scrooge
My inner Scrooge is making it's annual appearance. I get Scrooge-like when it comes to shopping during the holidays. This is a huge reason of why I also like to buy gifts early. People are in a hurry, they are crabby, they are rude.
This woman at the store this morning almost caused me to lose my cool. The kids were with me and I was disappointed that the items I wanted were not instock. So, I'm waiting in line for the ONE cashier that's open and the backup person comes. She says she'll take the next person in line (that's me) and this BAG (I have another word I used in my head, but I won't type it) literally races me for the line. She, of course, has a crapload of items to buy while I'm standing there with two things and two young kids. If I would have stayed where I would have been outta there lickety-split. Then as I am backing out of the space, this dude in a huge SUV comes racing down the aisle and doesn't wait for me to finish backing up. The ass end of my van is in the middle and he schleps by without a glance. "Fucker" I mutter under my breath so the bad-word police (Ariana) don't nab me.
This is a time of year for helpfulness, cheer, and all that good shit. So, why do people have to be assholes?
This woman at the store this morning almost caused me to lose my cool. The kids were with me and I was disappointed that the items I wanted were not instock. So, I'm waiting in line for the ONE cashier that's open and the backup person comes. She says she'll take the next person in line (that's me) and this BAG (I have another word I used in my head, but I won't type it) literally races me for the line. She, of course, has a crapload of items to buy while I'm standing there with two things and two young kids. If I would have stayed where I would have been outta there lickety-split. Then as I am backing out of the space, this dude in a huge SUV comes racing down the aisle and doesn't wait for me to finish backing up. The ass end of my van is in the middle and he schleps by without a glance. "Fucker" I mutter under my breath so the bad-word police (Ariana) don't nab me.
This is a time of year for helpfulness, cheer, and all that good shit. So, why do people have to be assholes?
Judgement
I am trying very hard not to judge someone today, or over the last few days. What I think this person is doing is completely irresponsible and is putting her life and the lives of her children at risk. I know it's not my place to judge, and therefore while the situation makes me ill I'm doing my best to not condemn.
I'm really struggling with making sense of the situation and how it affects me.
I'm really struggling with making sense of the situation and how it affects me.
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Believe, SA rant
I came across someone talking about how they didn't believe a rape victim. It upset me, so now I'm blogging about it. Lucky you.
Sexual assault is a crime. It is an intentional act that uses force, threat or abuse of authority. It covers rape, oral or anal sex, inappropriate touching, or the attempt to do these things. Discrimination does not exist with sexual assault--a victim may be any gender, race, age, or relation to their attacker. Anyone can be sexually assaulted, regardless of their social class, economic class, or lifestyle.
Rape is an act of violence, it's not an impulsive or uncontrollable passionate act. Most victims of sexual assault KNOW their perpetrator. No one "asks" or "deserves" to be assaulted, it doesn't matter how they dress or if the attacker thinks the victim asked for it. A victim who does not fight back is not consenting to the act, they are trying to be safe.
Statistics show that false reports make up about 2% of all reports. This is the same false report rate as other kinds of felonies. Most women who are reporting a rape are not trying to get even or get back at the man. Sexual assault is a violation of a person's body. The victim may feel humiliated, degraded, and may fear for her life. (*I say her as most victims are female, so don't be making comments about how men are victims too, I know that I used to work as an advocate for sexual assault victims)
Believe someone when they share this painful experience. The doubters are out there, and it's unfortunate that victims have to suffer additional trauma by not being believed. React the same way you would if they told you they were ill with some awful condition. It may be uncomfortable for you to discuss, but think about what she's going through and how difficult it is for her to share. Acknowledge and accept her feelings, don't deny them. Never blame them.
Victims of sexual assault can be affected in different ways. While each person is unique, there are many common feelings. Most victims are shocked and can't believe this happened to them. They may be angry, sad, depressed, afraid. It's okay for them to feel this way. Never tell a victim that what they are feeling is wrong.
There are some awesome people out there who can help someone who has been a victim of sexual assault. Check out the local agency near you for support or information. Or seeing a counselor is helpful for many as well.
Remember that as this person moves forward they may be a victim of this horrible act, they are a strong, courageous person.
Sexual assault is a crime. It is an intentional act that uses force, threat or abuse of authority. It covers rape, oral or anal sex, inappropriate touching, or the attempt to do these things. Discrimination does not exist with sexual assault--a victim may be any gender, race, age, or relation to their attacker. Anyone can be sexually assaulted, regardless of their social class, economic class, or lifestyle.
Rape is an act of violence, it's not an impulsive or uncontrollable passionate act. Most victims of sexual assault KNOW their perpetrator. No one "asks" or "deserves" to be assaulted, it doesn't matter how they dress or if the attacker thinks the victim asked for it. A victim who does not fight back is not consenting to the act, they are trying to be safe.
Statistics show that false reports make up about 2% of all reports. This is the same false report rate as other kinds of felonies. Most women who are reporting a rape are not trying to get even or get back at the man. Sexual assault is a violation of a person's body. The victim may feel humiliated, degraded, and may fear for her life. (*I say her as most victims are female, so don't be making comments about how men are victims too, I know that I used to work as an advocate for sexual assault victims)
Believe someone when they share this painful experience. The doubters are out there, and it's unfortunate that victims have to suffer additional trauma by not being believed. React the same way you would if they told you they were ill with some awful condition. It may be uncomfortable for you to discuss, but think about what she's going through and how difficult it is for her to share. Acknowledge and accept her feelings, don't deny them. Never blame them.
Victims of sexual assault can be affected in different ways. While each person is unique, there are many common feelings. Most victims are shocked and can't believe this happened to them. They may be angry, sad, depressed, afraid. It's okay for them to feel this way. Never tell a victim that what they are feeling is wrong.
There are some awesome people out there who can help someone who has been a victim of sexual assault. Check out the local agency near you for support or information. Or seeing a counselor is helpful for many as well.
Remember that as this person moves forward they may be a victim of this horrible act, they are a strong, courageous person.
18 months
Phoenix turned 18 months over Thanksgiving. He saw the pedi last week. He weighs in just over 21 lbs and is looking good. We took him in for some 18 month photos this past week too, and we got 4 cute shots before he lost interest.
Funky Winter Pics
Ice crystals forming on the outside front door
Our Christmas lights through the same door, after having it open and the ice melting
Beautiful snowfall
Our Christmas lights through the same door, after having it open and the ice melting
Beautiful snowfall
Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow
I believe we ended up in the 6-7 inch snowfall range, but I never saw an exact report for how much our area was graced with.
The start of the snowfall, about 12noon
The next three are us having the kids outside about 3:30 that afternoon.
And the next morning.
The start of the snowfall, about 12noon
The next three are us having the kids outside about 3:30 that afternoon.
And the next morning.
Monday, December 3, 2007
Cannot Do Without
I love to read. I'll read pretty much whatever I can get my hands on, and can easily finish a 600 page book within a day or two if I really, really am enthralled with it. Often, I cannot put the book down and take it everywhere I go, so if the chance comes to read a page or two I can. It's painful to put the book down when I'm so involved though.
I love to revisit previously read books, and thus my obsession with hardcovers. If I buy a book in paperback and fall in love with it, I've been known to purchase it in hardcover and give the paperback away. I'm currently re-reading Lord of the Rings. I needed something to read and I figured the trilogy would keep me busy for a while. Plus nothing was jumping out at me when I popped by the bookstore.
Reading 2-3 books at a time has also happened. When I do this, the books are typically of a different genre so I don't confuse things. I do this most often if a book gets boring. I'll put it down to read something else and end up simultaneously reading both.
I read fiction, non-fiction, autobiographies, etc. Pretty much anything. My guilty pleasure if historical romance. I call them my "fluff" books as they don't require my brain to think much. ;) I can simply enjoy a quick read where things end well and love conquers all. I particularly enjoy a Regency era novel.
In the last year I was recommended two separate book series, but just hadn't picked them up. The first was the Inheritance Trilogy, namely the first book Eragon. I can't tell you how many times I picked up the book at the store only to put it back down. I wasn't sure if I'd like it or not. So, I saw the movie last December and went right out to purchase the book. Hands down, book is better as usual. Then I had to get the second book in the series. Wonderful again. The second series that came highly recommended is the Twilight Series by Stephanie Meyer. Talk about non-stop reading! I couldn't be parted with these books. For both series, I'm anxiously awaiting the next piece of work.
I'm also a Harry Potter fan. (Again, one of those recommmened series, but didn't read until the 3rd book came out) For me, HP is a super quick, easy read. I've read and reread them all. Except the last book. I read that immediately after it's release, but can't bring myself to read it again. I'm not sure what my issue is, but I've tried to pick it back up and just can't. I think I'm having acceptance issues that it's all over. No more HP books. HP7 is on my list to read after I finish LOTR, so we'll see how it goes.
I cannot imagine not reading for pleasure. It's truly one of my most favorite things to do. Crankiness settles in if I don't allow myself at least a few minutes to read each day, especially before bed.
My love for books goes back as far as I can recall. When I was younger, my mom would think I'd be asleep at night only to find me so overtired in the mornings. Until she figured out that I was reading under my covers with a flashlight.
Walking into a bookstore for me is like a child walking into a toy or candy store. So many choices, my brain goes into overload. I'm at peace when I step inside. I don't often leave without a purchase.
I love the smell of a new book, the crispness of the pages, the creak of the binding when first opened. Reading is a gift I treasure.
One of the most important things to me as a parent is to pass along the love of the written word. I'm estatic that both kids love books. They have their own bookshelf which is filled to the brim. I love to hear quiet and wonder where they are, only to find them on the floor in front of the bookshelf surrounded by books.
This love and devotion of reading is not always understood by my husband, but he's recently picked up a book again and has fallen under it's spell. More often then not, I find him reading before bed rather than watching television.
Reading is a passion. It's simply like breathing for me. I can't do without it.
I love to revisit previously read books, and thus my obsession with hardcovers. If I buy a book in paperback and fall in love with it, I've been known to purchase it in hardcover and give the paperback away. I'm currently re-reading Lord of the Rings. I needed something to read and I figured the trilogy would keep me busy for a while. Plus nothing was jumping out at me when I popped by the bookstore.
Reading 2-3 books at a time has also happened. When I do this, the books are typically of a different genre so I don't confuse things. I do this most often if a book gets boring. I'll put it down to read something else and end up simultaneously reading both.
I read fiction, non-fiction, autobiographies, etc. Pretty much anything. My guilty pleasure if historical romance. I call them my "fluff" books as they don't require my brain to think much. ;) I can simply enjoy a quick read where things end well and love conquers all. I particularly enjoy a Regency era novel.
In the last year I was recommended two separate book series, but just hadn't picked them up. The first was the Inheritance Trilogy, namely the first book Eragon. I can't tell you how many times I picked up the book at the store only to put it back down. I wasn't sure if I'd like it or not. So, I saw the movie last December and went right out to purchase the book. Hands down, book is better as usual. Then I had to get the second book in the series. Wonderful again. The second series that came highly recommended is the Twilight Series by Stephanie Meyer. Talk about non-stop reading! I couldn't be parted with these books. For both series, I'm anxiously awaiting the next piece of work.
I'm also a Harry Potter fan. (Again, one of those recommmened series, but didn't read until the 3rd book came out) For me, HP is a super quick, easy read. I've read and reread them all. Except the last book. I read that immediately after it's release, but can't bring myself to read it again. I'm not sure what my issue is, but I've tried to pick it back up and just can't. I think I'm having acceptance issues that it's all over. No more HP books. HP7 is on my list to read after I finish LOTR, so we'll see how it goes.
I cannot imagine not reading for pleasure. It's truly one of my most favorite things to do. Crankiness settles in if I don't allow myself at least a few minutes to read each day, especially before bed.
My love for books goes back as far as I can recall. When I was younger, my mom would think I'd be asleep at night only to find me so overtired in the mornings. Until she figured out that I was reading under my covers with a flashlight.
Walking into a bookstore for me is like a child walking into a toy or candy store. So many choices, my brain goes into overload. I'm at peace when I step inside. I don't often leave without a purchase.
I love the smell of a new book, the crispness of the pages, the creak of the binding when first opened. Reading is a gift I treasure.
One of the most important things to me as a parent is to pass along the love of the written word. I'm estatic that both kids love books. They have their own bookshelf which is filled to the brim. I love to hear quiet and wonder where they are, only to find them on the floor in front of the bookshelf surrounded by books.
This love and devotion of reading is not always understood by my husband, but he's recently picked up a book again and has fallen under it's spell. More often then not, I find him reading before bed rather than watching television.
Reading is a passion. It's simply like breathing for me. I can't do without it.
Saturday, December 1, 2007
Gift Idea
During the month of December, a fellow preeclampsia survivor will be having a sale to benefit the Preeclampsia Foundation. Her daughter, Kelsi was born 4 months early because of severe Pre-eclampsia 23 weeks into her pregnancy. She was born at 24 weeks on Dec. 30th. She lived only 2 1/2 days and died in her mother's hands on Jan. 1st, 2005.
This December Kelsi would have been 3 years old. Melissa has made angels in her honor and will donate the proceeds to the Preeclampsia foundation. So, from December 1st to January 1st (Kelsi's Angel Date) she will donate 50% of the sale of ALL angels sold.
Melissa can make some into small ornaments, or other custom orders. The angels can be customized with birthstone crystals as well. Contact her for more information. And visit Kelsi's Closet Jewelbox for more information and to view Melissa's lovely jewelry.
Thank you!
This December Kelsi would have been 3 years old. Melissa has made angels in her honor and will donate the proceeds to the Preeclampsia foundation. So, from December 1st to January 1st (Kelsi's Angel Date) she will donate 50% of the sale of ALL angels sold.
Melissa can make some into small ornaments, or other custom orders. The angels can be customized with birthstone crystals as well. Contact her for more information. And visit Kelsi's Closet Jewelbox for more information and to view Melissa's lovely jewelry.
Thank you!
Winter has arrived
It started snowing about 10am this morning, and it's just getting heavier. They are calling for up to 11" here. I'm working on getting some photos up.
Nice
So, I was taking a peek at the Site Meter that I have set for my blog and came across an interesting visit. Someone in Qatar was searching on Google for "feet torture" and my blog popped up as the third result. Someone from an American AOP site was searching "feet poop" and came across my site as the first result. The torture post was about participating in the Fantasy Football league live draft, and the feet/poop post covered a few entries where I spoke of diapers and Poop on a Pogo Stick. And with feet being in my blog title, they came across me.
Fucking bizarre.
Fucking bizarre.
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