It's My Party

and yes, I'll damn well cry if I want to. I am about to have a birthday where I age one more year into my 30's. Not really a big deal. No age crisis. No freaking out about another grey hair (but seriously, when I dyed my hair last week and the box said it colored even the most stubborn of greys and it didn't... I was a tad disappointed). It's another freakin' day.

Life just seems to be sucky at the moment. Jason is working longer hours and from home, so our relationship is pretty nonexistent at the moment. We couldn't even find energy or whatever the hell we needed to celebrate a clean semen sample. (Which he's just going to love me blogging about. Tough titties buddy.) Yes, after FIVE fucking months....there are finally no little swimmers. Can I get a hallelujah! We are coming up on 10 years of marriage this year. I couldn't imagine life without him. But I think we are in one of those slumps at the moment. You know, the one where you seem to be pissy with each other most of the time, you can sit next to each other and not really notice one another, not fully engaging in a conversation. We underappreciate each other and take each other for granted. Damn, I hope this passes soon.

My kids are sick again. So much for the health of 2008. We're starting off quite crappily. Ariana is on the verge of another ear infection. (Makes me wonder if the one she had a month ago was ever really gone since this is like #3 for her in her almost 5 years). Phoenix is coughing and has a perpetual river of snot flowing from his nose. Ewwww. So they are sleeping like shit, crabby during the day, no appetite except for absolute junk food (hmmm, where do they get that from?).

It's way too fucking cold here again. Winchill warnings last night for -35-45º last night into today. I know it's only February, but come on Mother Nature. That's just too damn cold! I am in major need of the sun's warm rays. I'm not sure I'll be sane by the time our trip to sunny Florida arrives in May. It's only three months away, but if this cold shit keeps up I'll be a head case by then. (No jokes that I'm already a head case)

I'm feeling very out of sorts and I know the coming weeks are only going to get worse for me. I'm tired, depressed, emotionally drained, angry, sad, and whatever else I can freakin' feel lately. All with those spry happy moments thrown in there on occasion. I feel like a shitty mom lately as all I seem to say is "No, don't touch that!" or "You just have to wait." I've been known to yell more than often lately, which always makes me feel ten times worse after I do. My negativity is starting to emerge which I just hate.

I don't know if it's just everything together, or it's just that time of year. Whatever it is, I hope it fucking changes. And soon. I know we all have rough patches and shit. So, please don't tell me how awesome your life is or that life is a basket of roses and sunshine. It makes me want to vomit today.