Drip

My throat is a bit itchy and gummy and now my nose has decided to drip all evening. Can I just go one month without a minor cold?

D'oh moment

So, I hopped in the shower this morning and when I was done....no towels. Crapola and a head smack. I left them in the bedroom where I had lain them earlier. I had to use a wet towel to at least get myself dry enough to run into the bedroom. (ain't that a pretty sight?)

What are some of you d'oh moments you've had recently?

Gabber

A Question for the Ladies

This question has struck me a few times now, but I've always forgotten to write about it.

When going to the doctor for those wonderful yearly exams, or during all those OB appts when pregnant.....what do you do with your clothes?

Do you just throw them off and let them lay in a pile? Or do you fold them up neatly? Do you hide your undies inside your clothing?

I know, weird question. This came to me as I was getting ready for tanning the last couple times. (No shit about tanning please, I'm trying to even out last year's tan for the strapless bridesmaid dress I'm wearing in just over 2 months).

My answer: I'm more of a fold type at the doctors office. And yes, I hide my skivvies inside the folded clothes. I also shave my legs for my doc, which Jason thinks is extremely funny.

Ache

I'm in need of just one sliver of sun today. I'm desperate for it.

You Are the Grand Prize Winner!

You've been selected to win a crib of crap!

Yes, I've been the lovely recipient of this a couple times now compliments of our younger child, who shall now be called the Poop Master. When he lays down for a nap, he decides to undress and poop in the crib. Looooovvvely. The other day he decided to take off his pooey diaper and play in it. (Jeez, isn't being a parent SOOO much fun) I called the father of this child at work and left a message stating that I didn't want him coming home to complain of a shitty day, as I was having the truly shitty day. ;) Usually when Jason hears of his son's exploits, I hear "I'm sorry dear" with a small chuckle.

Well, today's my turn to chuckle. Dried on poo. On the sheets, the crib railing, our child's bottom, hands, and face. YES! And I wasn't the lucky winner!

You can now address myself and Jason as....

I'm Insane

I must be. My fat, lazy ass is contemplating a possible half marathon. Shit. Did I just say that out loud?

Here's the deal. I've always talked about doing one, but since I don't run (at all, as in running is scary to me) I've never got up the gumption to do one. I hate running, even jogging. So, why am I even thinking of the possibility? Well, there is a woman, Jill, who ran a marathon the other year after surviving preeclampsia. Like she almost died, severe preeclampsia. She had to relearn how to walk again and battled back to run a marathon. How inspiring is she?! Well, she's got this idea to run half & full marathon's in Sept for the Preeclampsia Foundation. And I embrace the idea. This may be what my fat arse needs for motivation. I spoke of this publicly now. Um, what am I getting myself into? This would get me exercising for a great cause and to get myself more healthy, especially my heart.

So, I'm completely insane right? From going to almost no exercise to training for a possible half-marathon? I must be joking. Can I even do this? ACK!!! I guess I better get on the treadmill tonight.

i don't beat my kids, honest

here is the result of the kids playing on our bed late this morning. We have a wrought iron bed and Phoenix went head first into the footboard. He cried for about a minute and then was off to play some more.

Workin' Hard

Just goes to show you we don't hold any gender stereotypes around our home.

When I Grow Up

Ariana brought home her weekly book and had to tell me all about it. As we're reading through it, I ask what she wants to be when she's grows up. Her reply, "I'm going to be a princess." I chuckled and then laughed out loud when I got to the end of her book.





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They usually have some picture they draw at the end of the books and she truly wants to be a princess. Go ahead, sweetpea. Just know you'll have to work to support that habit as princes are kinda rare in the US.

Nice Surprise

A fellow preeclampsia survivor and blogger, Jen , gifted me with blogger awards.

The Daily Dose award is supposed to be passed along to “All the blogs that you’ve discovered that you can’t possibly live without. They make you laugh, cry, think and feel connected every time you read a post. They give you a thrill as you see them loading into your browser and you get an equally satisfying thrill when you see that they have commented on your blog.”

Friendship award

Wonder Woman award

I was surprised to see my name listed in her post with the awards. Jen is one friend who always comments when she visits, seems to have the "right words" to describe what she's feeling, and is one awesome woman. Hats off to you my dear!

And I pass these awards to a few other fellow bloggers I've happy to call a friend, or to have met via the internet. You all make me smile and laugh, and I thank you for that.

Dawn at Brown Family

Kate at Mothers Who Write

Casey at Quilao Triplets

Becky at Mommy Wants Vodka

Heather at bubbles and ducks

Loss

This weekend, a child died. A child who was born to a mom who had developed preeclampsia. He weighed 13oz at birth and was truly a fighter. Unfortunately, Myles did pass away early Sat morning. Please keep the family in your thoughts. My heart is aching for them.

Another Year Older

I aged another year into my thirties this weekend. Like a fine wine. Well, I don't really care for wine, so how about a nice whiskey? At this age, birthdays are really just like any other day. There's no special pass releasing you from parental duty & responsibility, no carefree attitude of where the wind blows I go anymore. I don't care that I'm getting older, or have one more grey hair. It's really just another day. I feel no different from Friday.

Saturday-the day of family & hell, otherwise known as my birthday:

We ran some errands and ended up at a local pizza joint for lunch with the kids. The pizza is delicious and there is a fun room for the kids. Great. Except my kids chose Sat to be their "hell" day. We had a nice lunch for about 40 minutes and then things went a bit haywire. Phoenix was throwing everything in reach on the floor and Ariana wouldn't eat her pizza because "it smells." Um, you've eaten here before. Since we told her she needed to eat good before she could play, the result was no game room. Which pissed her off royally. I'm not one to force my child to eat, but this was ridiculous. After loading up the "throw it on the floor" dude, the whining four year old of ours decided to pitch a fit. In the middle of a birthday party next to us. With lots of other customers around us. A fit as in I have to physically pick her up and remove her from the booth, while she's screaming "No, mommy!" and "I'll eat". Lovely. Too frickin' late my child. She cries the two miles to grandma's house, where she cries some more. I admit that I am now pissed as it's my birthday and the one freakin' day she acts like this, is today. We get the kids settled and then leave for our dinner out.

Jason and I have a nice meal at Texas Roadhouse and do a bit of shopping before coming back to my inlaws for cake. It was a very nice evening.

Until we got home. It's late, past our kids' bedtimes, and we end up with another four year old tantrum. I'm in tears and just want her shut up. (Come on, moms. You know the tension I'm feeling at that moment.) I want peace & quiet, not a screaming child who is throwing toys at her bedroom door. Finally, she relents and gives in to sleep. I took my time composing myself and to be honest, cannot recall what I did the rest of the evening. Oh yeah, we played a quick game of Life, where I beat my husband's add in a major way.

End of day.

It was a good birthday.

The past year has been a tumultuous one for me. A year of happiness, pride, heartache, sadness, joy, and yearning. I've laughed, cried, yelled, kept quiet, and more. I'm sure this next year will be another fun journey in this thing called life.

Feel the Love

Happy Valentine's Day!

Gearing Up

The 4th Annual Preeclampsia Foundation Walk-A-Thon is gearing up for 2008. Our local group had a meeting this weekend to work out more specifics and gather ideas. We're hoping to have lots more walkers this year and are looking to have a larger selection of raffle items. I'm working on getting together a new photo montage for the walk, so I'm keeping busy on that today.

Light Sleeper

Since about Christmas, Ariana has been complaining that she's tired throughout the day. An hour after she gets up, she says she's tired and wants to lay on the couch. She gets about 11 hours of sleep at night, but she wakes quite often. She's typically up for the bathroom at least twice. She's never been a good sleeper, but things did improve when she had her tonsils & adenoid out in 2006. She's got circles under her eyes and just doesn't seem to want to eat a lot.

I'm going to start keeping a log of her sleep & waking times, how she is during the day, etc to take in to the pedi if this continues. Jason thinks we can wait until her 5yo checkup in May, but I'm thinking she may need to be in sooner. Someone this weekend suggested she's still having issues with sleep apnea, or maybe an endocrine problem. Which prompted me to think of keeping the log.

She's also started this "I'm scared" deal at night too, which results in a longer awake time for all of us naturally. We've taken steps to help with that at bedtime, but it seems to be starting at night again more.

Any ideas? Tips?

Aha

Well, I now have an explaination for some of my out-of-sortedness. Lovely AF made her appearance.

It's My Party

and yes, I'll damn well cry if I want to. I am about to have a birthday where I age one more year into my 30's. Not really a big deal. No age crisis. No freaking out about another grey hair (but seriously, when I dyed my hair last week and the box said it colored even the most stubborn of greys and it didn't... I was a tad disappointed). It's another freakin' day.

Life just seems to be sucky at the moment. Jason is working longer hours and from home, so our relationship is pretty nonexistent at the moment. We couldn't even find energy or whatever the hell we needed to celebrate a clean semen sample. (Which he's just going to love me blogging about. Tough titties buddy.) Yes, after FIVE fucking months....there are finally no little swimmers. Can I get a hallelujah! We are coming up on 10 years of marriage this year. I couldn't imagine life without him. But I think we are in one of those slumps at the moment. You know, the one where you seem to be pissy with each other most of the time, you can sit next to each other and not really notice one another, not fully engaging in a conversation. We underappreciate each other and take each other for granted. Damn, I hope this passes soon.

My kids are sick again. So much for the health of 2008. We're starting off quite crappily. Ariana is on the verge of another ear infection. (Makes me wonder if the one she had a month ago was ever really gone since this is like #3 for her in her almost 5 years). Phoenix is coughing and has a perpetual river of snot flowing from his nose. Ewwww. So they are sleeping like shit, crabby during the day, no appetite except for absolute junk food (hmmm, where do they get that from?).

It's way too fucking cold here again. Winchill warnings last night for -35-45º last night into today. I know it's only February, but come on Mother Nature. That's just too damn cold! I am in major need of the sun's warm rays. I'm not sure I'll be sane by the time our trip to sunny Florida arrives in May. It's only three months away, but if this cold shit keeps up I'll be a head case by then. (No jokes that I'm already a head case)

I'm feeling very out of sorts and I know the coming weeks are only going to get worse for me. I'm tired, depressed, emotionally drained, angry, sad, and whatever else I can freakin' feel lately. All with those spry happy moments thrown in there on occasion. I feel like a shitty mom lately as all I seem to say is "No, don't touch that!" or "You just have to wait." I've been known to yell more than often lately, which always makes me feel ten times worse after I do. My negativity is starting to emerge which I just hate.

I don't know if it's just everything together, or it's just that time of year. Whatever it is, I hope it fucking changes. And soon. I know we all have rough patches and shit. So, please don't tell me how awesome your life is or that life is a basket of roses and sunshine. It makes me want to vomit today.

On The Potty We Will Go

The potty saga continues.

Phoenix is obsessed with going on the potty. Of course, it's exciting and great. But it's also a pain in my ass. He did tinkle 6 times on Friday! Can he get a "woohoo"!?! Yeah, bravo kid. The only thing is that those 6 tinkles were occured during the 40 times he was on the pot in two hours. And when I say 40 times, I'm not kidding.

Everytime I'd get him off, pullup back on, dressed....within two minutes he'd be butt naked and pounding on the bathroom door. I couldn't get dinner started, I couldn't even get a DVD in for Ariana. It was a two hour toilet marathon.

Yes, I want to encourage him to use the potty and we clap and say hurray when he goes, but come on lil' dude. Give your mom a break will ya.

I was kind of hoping he'd do the same for Jason yesterday as I was gone all day. Well, dad made a comment about how I "let" Phoenix do that and promptly dressed him in bibs. So, do you think we'll have a potty battle brewing soon?

Civic Duty

A while back I received a jury questionaire. The first one ever for me. I haven't heard anything so I thought I was in the clear. Guess not. I opened the mail yesterday to find this thick white envelope with my name on it from the county. Great. I am a potential juror now. I had to fill out another questionaire and if they excuse me I'll hear back. If not, I must appear in March.

I understand that it can be a pain in the ass to participate, but honestly I'm kind of excited. I've sat in on other legal proceedings before, but this promises to be new for me. I'll keep you posted.

Conversation

How do you feel about conversation? Do you think it's taken a decline in recent years? I caught a bit of Oprah last week where they were discussing conversation and that it's become lost. I do agree somewhat. With the technology age and the wrath of email...I know I usually will email versus actually calling someone.

There was a woman on the show who came to the conclusion she was a "one upper." She always had to top what the other person said, or have a worse situation. This is something I've learned about over the last few years with working as an advocate. I ask myself the question, "Why am I talking?" Am I asking or commenting because I have something to add or truly am curious about the other person? The biggest thing I discovered about myself and then in listening to others is this. I sometimes am so busy thinking of what I'm going to reply with that I don't focus and listen to the person who is speaking. I hear this over and over when listening to conversations. Being more concerned about themselves rather than truly listening.

To me, listening is an art form. It's something I am working to become better at as there is always room for improvement. To me, knowing that someone is truly listening to you is a gift from that person. And I want to give that gift to others.

Just my little tidbit for the day.

Caught my eye

I read this in a book the other day and my breath caught. This passage spoke to my heart.

"...like sunlight chasing the shadow's away." The Golden Compass.

I instantly fell in love with it and know that I have had moments where I've felt that way.

Uniqueness

My daughter is unique in many ways. She enjoys wearing dresses and putting on make-up and likes her princesses. She loves to dance and have her toe nails painted. She also loves non-typical girl things. Bugs, volcanoes, tornadoes, trucks, transformers. We encourage her interest in pretty much everything. She's a girl who will climb a tree while wearing a pretty dress, who will dig for worms or pick stink-pretty flowers. She can draw a picture of a lovely garden and then draw a monster. I love that.

Valentine's Day is coming up and she picked out these lovely bug cards. At first I was like, cool. But then I started remembering how other girls would say things to her about bugs being gross or screaming, and then Ariana would fall into that for a brief period. I know there are some girly-girls in her class who will most likely not care for the bug cards and some other girls who will love them too. So, do I have her give bug cards to the boys and some of the girls, and other cards to the other girls?

My worry is that other girls will tell her she's weird for liking those things, or fall into the screaming pattern that some females seem to have about bugs. What if Ariana takes that to heart and loses interest? I can encourage her to follow her heart. And if she stops like bugs or whatever, that's okay. As long as she stops because they truly don't interest her anymore, not because someone told her that girls don't like that kind of stuff.

Counting Down

Ariana and I created a countdown garden last week for our August Disney vacation. She really wanted a countdown chain, but with a start of 204 days that would be one mighty long chain.

Snow Tubing

We went tubing this weekend with Dawn and family. We had a BLAST!!!
Okey dokey, here's some photos and a video. Yep, that's me screaming like a little girl.

Girl Power

Growing up, I was one of those people who was pretty much friends with everyone. I didn't identify as being in one group over the other. I still don't. While it was beneficial, it's also affected the way I engage with people yet today. I don't allow people to get too close to me, I think it's a protective measure that I have in place. I skirt the closeness of many friends, keeping in touch, but not constant contact. I have a few people that I talk to regularly, and to be honest only one of them is someone I call a best friend, one who I can share anything with and know she will never shit on me.

(Crap, this post is completely going in a direction I didn't mean it to already.)

I was friends with this one girl in grade school, Becky. She was a good friend to me and we did lots together. She, however, was not part of the "in" crowd, she fell into the "dork" crowd, for lack of a better word. This was not apparent to me in grade school, but once we started middle school I learned more about the cliques of life. I moved away for a year & a half, coming back to start 9th grade high school. During that time, we fell apart. I made new friends that year, but I'd still run into Becky in the halls or a class together. I felt the sting of peer pressure in force that first year. That person's not cool, or ew, why do you want to hang with that person? I tried to walk the line, but it was very difficult.

Let's face it, girls can be cruel to each other. And it continues into womanhood. The female gender picks at each other rather than supporting each other in many cases. The name calling, the clothes comparisons, etc.

I've tried to stand up for those less fortunate, less pretty, less wealthy, etc. But I have also succumbed to the pettiness. I'm not proud of that. As you grow up, you learn who your true friends are, and I'm sorry I haven't been a better friend to some. I'm working to change that.

And now, onto the real issue of this post. The friendship crap has started already for Ariana. They are in 4you kindergarten for cyin' out loud! But, she's already witnessed exclusion by a couple. And not all in school. But I'm going to take up the school experiences.

On our visit to class before school started, we met other members of her class. Of course, most of the kids were shy and didn't really interact with each other. We felt a bit wierd as one mom seemed to be pushing a friendship between her daughter "E" and Ariana. Her insistency is what made us hesitant. The girls colored next to each other, but didn't really play together. Fast forward to the next week and class begins. Ariana meets new friends and can't wait to get to school to play. She talks about her new friends at school, but there's one that she talks about alot. "C" is pretty much like Ariana from what I've witnessed. They are peas in a pod. E's mom continues to push a relationship between the two girls, sharing that E is shy and doesn't have friends. She wants to get together on the weekend, etc. Quite frankly, the woman was annoying. (You know how there are some people you just don't like, no matter how hard you try? She's one for me.)

I want Ariana to develop her own friendships without my interference. I also encourage her to be friends with everyone, and stick up for those less fortunately. So I faced a challenge of me personally not liking this woman and our girls being friends. Over the semester, the girls have become friends which I'm alright with. On most levels. What bothers me is that most of the other kids do not play with E. So, Ariana is pretty much it besides another boy in class. Ariana plays with all the kids in class, but I worry about them excluding her one day because she is friends with someone who is on the outside of the circle. How do I balance that?
These are the kids she'll be in school with the rest of her school time. They'll be in grade school, middle, & high school together.

There is another situation that has caused me to be shocked at how early the "girl" spirit occurs. So, Ariana is friends with C. H says that C is HER best friend and no one else can be friends with her. Ariana comes home to tell me that she can't be friends with C anymore because H is her best friend. I try to explain that she can be friends with whomever she'd like if they return the friendship. I don't think she really gets it, but how do I explain that some girls are like that?

I want her to be independent, proud of herself, and a good friend. As a parent, this is much more difficult than I imagined. I battle my own demons while trying to teach her. And of course, I want to protect her from hurt feelings and broken hearts. I know it will happen, but I just didn't think it would be this soon.

Identifying

Over the last elections, I think our society has reached this level of identifying each other based on political affiliations. So & so is a democrat or a republican. We think of that first, before anything else. In some cases. I find that disturbing. Yes, being affiliated with a political party may come with the territory of one's values and beliefs, but I think it's a hindrence to knowing each other. There are people who, in the last presidential election, stopped speaking to each other because one was a democrat and the other a republication. Friends for years, no longer having contact. What a loss.

Respectful discussion seems to be no more for many. It's "my way" or the highway and now I think less of you. Or one person tries to shove their ideas down the other's throat, thinking they can somehow sway them. It's ridiculous.

I have my own beliefs and values. I consider that private information that I rarely share with others. Many people close to me may know where I lie on certain issues, but I try not to push my beliefs on someone else. I don't bring political discussions up for the simple fact that I've experienced another person trying to tell me how wrong I am. There was never even a "Well, I respect your opinion, but I disagree." It was "That's wrong.....da, da, da, da." Why would I discuss a belief that is personal to me with someone who may attempt to tell me I'm wrong, or a bad person?

This country has become so polarized. Red or blue. I think one can stand up for what they believe in and be respectful about it. A person can share their thoughts/ideas without the retoric that exists today for so many conversations. For many of those people who are the "opposite" of me, there I go talking about that utopic society again. ;)

The one thing I feel very strongly about being an educated voter. For those who feel this doesn't affect you, it does. It affects us, our children, our world. Listen to more than the nightly news, or one website. Check out the candidate websites. Do some research to see which candidate most fits your beliefs. You might be suprised. Check out Presidential Survey to find out where you fall with a candidate.

I'm not in hiding

I've just been a tad busy and not much to post. Promise to share some photos from a fun day yesterday and more soon!