Time Goes On

I've visited my blog a couple times over the last month, but just haven't had the heart to post. I feel as if I have nothing to say when I sit down, even if there are moments during the day I think about sharing something.

I'll share some highlights, and lowlights, from recent weeks.

And thank you to those who have kept visiting, even if I have been a major turd.

Love ya!

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**My baby girl earned her High Yellow belt in karate on Oct 17th.

She is a rock star and I adore her. She is quite good at sparring, which should come as no surprise as I watch her fight with her brother. There are still a few hiccups along the way, but gosh darn it....the girl is good. And I want her to keep on doing this. The fine line between encouragement and pushing has become apparent at our home with karate. It's something that I tend to fall more on the encouragement side and Jason falls on the pushing side. We balance each other out, I guess.

As they drove to the studio tonight, about a block away Ariana stated she hated karate and didn't want to do it anymore. Jason told her she needed to go as they were almost there. She got to class and loved it. Talked about all the fun she had. He shared the experience with me and I took her by herself to discuss it. With no pressure. She thinks it's fun and wants to earn her Green Belt next, eventually getting to her Black Belt. When I asked her what that meant, she said she cannot quit. And recited the phrase, "A black belt is a white belt who never quit." I was so proud of her at that moment.

We'll see how class tomorrow goes. She could potentially have her first tournament on Nov 7th.

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*Ariana and her math homework -- she struggled at first with math, but has seemed to come into her own with it. I was so fearful that she was going to struggle and watching her at first was heartbreaking. Her perfectionism was killing her. And me. Let's just say I spent some nights in tears.

But she has improved and quite honestly, I'm surprised at how well she has been doing because of her struggles at first. She's naming off the answer like nothing.

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*Phoenix switched to a new classroom at daycare that is more preschool based back in Sept. That didn't go to well either. They do this behavior reward thing where have a flower on their cubby and if they misbehave the flower gets taken away. This child had many more days of a flowerless cubby than a flowered cubby upon pickup. Piss me off, and kind of befuddling. His other teachers never said anything about him not listening or being rowdy. Sure, I know the kid has boundless energy. I guess now that he's expected to be more student-like it's an issue. But come on, the kids are 3. Eventually, he figured it out (add in a change in the flower reward--the kids could earn it back later in the day, along with a teacher change) and my little buddy has earned the Megatron transformer we told him we'd buy him if he got 5 flowers in a row. (That took a while, let me tell ya.)

So, now we have a cross dressing Megatron walking around the house, being silly like usual.

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*My dad had a cancer check up last week. He had a scope last Wed and the doc said things look great. We are still waiting on lab tests, but it sounds promising. Take that cancer! Just hoping it continues to stay away. With the recurrence rate so high, it worries me, but I can't dwell on that.

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*Jason and I have had our issues over the last weeks, hell...months. Communication has been lacking and we are working on it. We're both so tired that we snap at each other and then the other gets pissed off. I can't tell you how many nights I wanted to sleep on the couch or cried tears in the bathroom. Marriage is a work in progess, and it's been a little bumpy lately. We need to step up our game when it comes to the kids, to our home, to ourselves. And I know we can.

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*We had the pleasure and opportunity to attend the Preeclampsia Foundation's annual fundraising gala, Saving Grace: A Night of Hope this past weekend in Chicago. It's always a treat to see old faces and to meet in person others you've chatted online with. The night was fun and highly emotional. (I've got a post for that coming too). Lots of tears, lots. It was a successful evening, and I am so grateful we were able to attend.

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*My other big time-taker-upper is work. My day job has been exhausting. What the fuck is so hard about following rules people? You screwed up and broke the law, now pay your toll and get off probation. We were many hats with this job: agent turns into social worker, couples counselor, life coach, miracle worker. And it can be draining if one doesn't figure out how to balance it. Which I'm working on. I haven't been all that successful lately, but it's improving. There is never a dull day, that's for sure.

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Well those are our family highlights. I'm preparing an emotional post, one that I'm scared yet anxious to write. I've got some major things happening at work, then it's on it's way.

Sleep tight all, may your dreams be sweet and saucy.

"Do what you can with what you have, where you are." ~ Theodore Roosevelt

Time for Change?

I'm thinking about moving the blog to private. Or creating another in addition (like I can keep both going, right Denise) that is private. I've got some eyes that read that make it difficult to post about certain issues, and therefore I don't post it. I think that is a piece of why I've lost my blog mojo. In addition to having little time.

Do I stay? Write what I write, hell with the eyes? Or set up a new house?